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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find peopel who do EVERYTHIGN as a couple really dull

82 replies

NotCod · 01/10/2008 10:30

gym today
tow couples( regulars)who not only go at the same time ( yadda yadda may onely have one care ok) but go on the SAME machines at the same time

( ok yadda ydadd none ofhtem look in any nEED so dont try that one)

is that SAd to have to go on the runner as the same time as your mate

or not

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 01/10/2008 10:55

MIL and FIL only do things together, and MIL thinks I'm really strange for going out with girlfriends, or doing other stuff without DH

What I worry about is, how will they cope when one of them dies.......................

Will they expect us to be their entertainment, etc

brimfull · 01/10/2008 10:58

god when dh retires he will spend his days playing golf and other many pursuits or we will go mad

my mum and dad have been married 53 yrs on the strength that they have separate friends and hobbies
my mum would go insane if they didn't

she phones me and says
"right he's gone out now I can talk"

NappiesGalore · 01/10/2008 11:08

my nana usewd to say 'the secret to a long and happy marriage is a spouse who goes away a lot for work' (grandad was a geologist and used to be off 'in the field' for months of every year)
and she should know
she was on the 4th husband when she died.

HaventSleptForAYear · 01/10/2008 11:09

Now you see I once mentioned to a mum at the school gate that I was off out without DH and she thought we were terribly "modern".

Just not the done thing in rural Normandy!

People are constantly amazed that I want to go out without DH or even go away for a weekend with "girlfriends".

pooka · 01/10/2008 11:10

I was talking with my mother about this sort of thing recently. She was saying how she has noticed that since her friends' husbands have retired, her stock has gone completely down socially.

She used to be the available (single) friend for long lunches and art galleries while the husbands were at work. When they retired, suddenly there was a shift where friends of hers were saying things like "well, I'll have to see what John is doing that day" or "James doesn't like me driving long distances on my own". WTF. Like suddenly they have children again, only the supervised child is their own bloody husband, who needs to be kept busy.

Feel sad for my mother. She said that she had already given up on being invited out in the evening because there are all these couples (not that bothered with the dinner party thing and happily single she is). Now husbands are around in the day, the boozy lunches after exhibitions are less frequent too.

WorzselMummage · 01/10/2008 11:41

Worse still are women who don't do things on their own because their partner doesnt approve so do everything together to keep the peace.

Someone i know isnt alowed to take their dogs for a walk anywhere other than the local park and another friend didnt wear short shorts recently because she said her df woudldnt approve.

Thats not a partnership thats being owned !

Twelvelegs · 01/10/2008 11:43

Did they look happy or sad? I guess your answer is in your observations.
Play together stay together and all that.

squeaver · 01/10/2008 11:46

Dh and I spent most of our time actively avoiding each other. Otherwise one of us would murder the other.

ShowOfHands · 01/10/2008 11:49

Now the gym thing I have done although dh was a personal trainer and I was onto a helluva freebie. I guarantee there were no loving looks or adoration during said gym visits. I'd be hissing 'no I will not do 1 fecking more sit up, I'm a free person who makes free decisions and I don't like that you don't rinse the sink after shaving while we're noticing your failings'. Not a happy gym bunny. We started running together instead.

stoppinattwo · 01/10/2008 13:31

Oh I think it is even sadder when they have matching coats

meet beryl and geoffrey...we go everywhere together

I think they look jolly happy

Snaf · 01/10/2008 13:34

Ugh - I have a mate who does this with her dp and it leaves me

Then again, imo it is slightly weirdy controlling relationship (on his part) and I think secretly she hates it and Wants To Break Free. So I feel a bit sad about it rather than contemptuous (well, maybe a tiny bit contemptuous). She used to be cool.

hughjarssss · 01/10/2008 13:36

We do everything together .. including gym and same machines!!!

We even worked together for 8 years and still done everything together outside of work.

We do have 'girls' nights and 'lads' nights and see our friends seperatly. But most of the time we enjoy being together and do things together.

Been together nearly 10 years so it works for us

VictorianSqualor · 01/10/2008 13:38

I love spending time with DP. Mind you my close friends all live 30+miles away or I'd probably do more with them.
Isn't being with your best mate all the time just as bad?

ghosty · 01/10/2008 13:39

I am with you cod. Tis weirdie IMO.
My mother says the reason behind her successful 45 year marriage is that she and my Dad spent the first 20 of them apart ... he travelled a lot with work and she brought us 4 up and pursued her hobbies (tennis/singing/AmDram etc etc). My dad would be away for 2-3 months at a time twice a year.
They do everything together now but they are old and she is disabled ... so we can forgive them for that.
Don't get me wrong, I love DH and like spending time with him but I like being without him too ...

Fimbo · 01/10/2008 13:43

I had the horror of going to a soft play party a few weeks ago and the parents of a boy in ds's year turned up and had a full on snogging session.

he would leave her for about 5 minutes and then come back and tickle her neck and whisper sweet nothings and then kissy kissy kissy.

MadamAnt · 01/10/2008 13:48

I love hanging out with DH, so I suppose we must be one of those awful coupley couples. Had no idea that anyone else would notice or care about it though.

fizzpops · 01/10/2008 15:31

I can't be bothered to wait around for my DH to get ready to go out most of the time, and if we are going into town we will walk in together but I don't want to go in the shops he wants to go in and I don't want him hanging around being bored and waiting for me to finish in my shops.

I can imagine enjoying doing an activity together but can two people really enjoy exactly the same things and nothing else?

My aunt was very shocked when I told her that my DH would still go to his family on Boxing Day and I would go to mine this year, even though we have a new baby. Why should he not see his family just because both families have a gathering on the same day. Sad they won't see our DD but then unless someone moves their 'do' someone will miss out.

FlirtyThirty · 01/10/2008 15:37

I see so little of DH during the week with long work hours that I'm really pleased to do as much as possible together outside that time. I don't think that's weird...that's why I married him. (That said...I don't go to the gym with him...but mainly because I'm crap!)

Treeny · 01/10/2008 15:43

YANBU - far from. I've posted before about how I think it's possible for couples to be 'too married'. I'm convinced there are people who genuinely think that they and their DP are one person - deeply tedious to be around. And just weird - why does being happily married have to mean doing every single thing together?

I read somewhere once that the person you most want to be with is the person who you could imagine being single - IYSWIM. I think it means that it's attractive seeing someone being independent, self-sufficient, busy, etc - more attractive that clinging needily to a partner at all times.

Bubbaluv · 01/10/2008 15:59

Are you sure they're not just training partners? Ihave male/female friends who train together at the gym and are not in a relationship. Even if they are married, this could be the ONLY thing they do together - how do you know it's indicative of the rest of thier life?
If it is indicative it's a bit much though!

finknottle · 01/10/2008 16:17

V unhealthy to do so much together
H & I would murder each other v quickly.

Was packing up the car before leaving for the airport to visit my parents with the children leaving h at home as always in the summer & our new neighbour appeared & called out plaintively, "But you are coming back?" She couldn't understand why we weren't going together

more · 01/10/2008 16:38

Fine that they do things together but never fine that couples dress the same. That is just wrong.

Lurcio · 01/10/2008 16:44

My B and SIL are like this, he even stands and supports her when she plays sport and vice versa- yuck, yuck, yuck!

GrapefruitMoon · 01/10/2008 16:45

I knew this would be a cod post!

Was on a rare visit to the supermarket recently (usually do it online...) and was amazed at the number of elderly couples where the man was getting in everyones way wheeling the trolley and looking like a spare part...

Pruners · 01/10/2008 16:47

Message withdrawn

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