That my b/f and kids went on a picnic as a family with their mum?

[yummiestepmummie]

Mum is awaful, abandoned the kids two years ago and rotates between alcoholism and bullemia when it suits....she got back in touch wanting to see kids so off they all went for a lovely day and a picnic.....
Know I have to grow up BUT! Surely something a little less cosy would have been appropriate?

YABU
She is their mother and even though she has problems she is entitled to be treated as their mother
Grow up, it sounds like you have much fewer problems than her

But think of the children! Sounds like an awful situation and the children have had to watch their mummy rotate between alcoholism and bullemia, how normal a picnic with mum and dad must have felt like! I know it's not what you want to hear - sorry

yabu

Sorry I think you are being a bit U
Bulimia is an illness, you don't choose to have it, and they are her children, so surely she is entitled to spend time with them, whether a picnic or not?!

Picnics aren't THAT cosy!

Them's the breaks when you take on someone else's kids. She will always be involved in their lives, and if you can't accept that then you are with the wrong person.

At least they are on good enough terms that they can go out and have a lovely time, despite all her problems.

the fact is your b/f isnt going to go back to her so all you need to do is take a deep breath think how lovely it must be for the children and encourage them, just think how chuffed your b/f will be as i bet he found it hard too!

Is b/f your boy friend or your best friend? I don't think a day out with a picnic is particularly cosy to be honest. Sounds quite low key, and avoids food being an issue. Contact with their parents is very important to children, and if the father was happy about this, then really why is it a problem to you Do you feel the mum should somehow be punished?

I can understand why you're upset, but he can hardly leave them unattended with her if she hasn't seen them for ages and she has alcohol issues. Not eating in a restaurant might be easier for her if she has an eating disorder- not having to order something or eat in front of people.

It must be really hard to deal with her reappearing when you've seen the distress she's caused to your BF and the children though.

YABU.

Your bf went out with his kids, not on a date with his ex.

Sounds like he's being a really good Dad.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

I wipe their arses and deal with the upset she rains on them as and when she sees fit.
When asked to contribute money she offered not to see them instead so I am right to be miffed on the kids behalf.
Main issue (forgot to mention it as so narked) is that he took them to the place we always take them....of all the places and it only confused them that I wasn't coming too.

Maybe you need to discuss the issue of the location with your B/F.

You may be doing all the hard work, but she is their birth mother, despite her problems.

If there is a next time, could you go too?

YABU.

They are the parents of the children involved. Its vital for the children that they do their best to get on. If you can't handle your bf having any kind of relationship with the mother of his children, then really you should not be with someone who already had kids. They are innocent victims of the situation that the adults around them create, and their needs should always be put first.

Is this how you would wish to be treated should you split up?

are you more upset that you weren't invited?

YABU, my DP occasionally goes out with his ex and their kids, they do it for the kids not because they want to spend time together.

I think you need to grow up a little.

yummiemummie I can understand you're annoyed as it does sound a bit insensitive.
How did the day go? Is this going to be frequent?

I understand why you're pissed.

Seems like you do all the hard graft yet she gets to enjoy what you now see as 'your family' and things you do together and you probably assume you're going to have to mend broken hearts yet again, am I right?

Totally understandable but that doesn't stop it being the best thing to happen.

Be proud of yourself and your boyfriend for giving these children a stable home and try not to let it bother you. The children will grow up respecting you and being grateful for not only bringing them up but stepping out at times to allow them the opportunity to spend some valuable time with their mother.

YABU. Presumably the location where you always take them may be sacred to you, but is public to everyone else as well, so you'll just have to get over it.

dp's ex and dd used to come on holiday with us and stay over etc, was fine until years later i had dcs and it became a nightmare for a while but TIME really is a great healer and everything is much better.
but its just a case of biting your tongue im afraid as nobody will thankyou for it and you just end up feeling like a monumental shit! This is a great opportunity for you to show what a truly supportive fabulous g/f you are and for him to see how lucky he and the dcs are.

itd hurt when my dp would go out with ex and dd a long time ago but i just thought you know she'll be loving it if she thought i was upset so i just used to go into mrs nice overdrive and kill her with kindness and drive her sodding mad back!

on the other side she must be really hurting desperately too, she has terrible problems and knows that she lost her children and another woman is raising them because she can't, she must feel a terrible failure which in turn heightens her problems with drink and food, shes lost in a terrible cycle that she is going to struggle for her life to get over, really really you are the fortunate one, try being kind to her, you'll feel better, the kids will be happy the b/f will be happy and surely a little bit of human kindness wont kill you!