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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to drive?

34 replies

staranise · 30/09/2008 14:28

I know I'm probaly being BU but...

Passed my test when I was 18 and didn't drive for the next 15 years (parents didn't have a car, never needed to drive, lived abroad etc). Moved to v busy part of London, had second baby, at DH's behest took some refresher lessons.

But I hate it, stresses me out, have never been on an A road by myself, never mind a motorway. Am paranoid about crashing with the children in the car. Only drive short distances if I really have to (in the evening as a non-drinker) and I already know the route. Walk everywhere or take public transport, even if it means massive inconvenience. Longer journeys DH drives.

DH getting increasingly annoyed by this, now I'm pg with number 3 and have back problems which means that pushing a buggy, walking etc are difficult. DH doesn't understand in the slightest (he's a real boy racer), thinks I'm being wussy (I am but can't help it) and am inconveniencing the whole family. He can't give me practice as gets too annoyed with my driving (too slow, too cautious etc). A friend would take me out in the evenings but am 7 months pg and knackered, and TBH, if I don't want to drive (except for emergencies, I can get to the hospital etc) is that really really BU?

OP posts:

peacelily · 30/09/2008 15:26

TBH I think YABU, I think you need a few refresher lessons to give yourself a confidence boost. In families/cpuple unless there's a v good reason (such as living somewhere it isn't an issue) I think both parents should be happy to drive. It's not fair putting all the responsibility on one person.

As for the other thread on this topic I ended a relationship because I was spending all my cash on driving lessons and then 30 yr old boyfriend refused-indicative of his lazy attitude.

Other bug bears are women who won't drive on motorways or go anywhere new because they don't know the way. How do you live your life FFS!!! Just drving a few select routes in your locality for ever and expecting others to ferry you about. My MiL could never be bothered to learn and she's heavily dependent on dh and BiL for family do's etc. which means we have to arrange the whole event around her. Bugs me....

Tortington · 30/09/2008 15:28

\link{here this illustrates all you need to know}

Tortington · 30/09/2008 15:28

oops

here

WorzselMummage · 30/09/2008 15:30

My Mil wont drive on motorways. DD was in scbu for a time and she woudnt come and see us because she 'didnt like motorways' so fil had to ferry them around.

I thought she was pathetic.

Skramble · 30/09/2008 15:30

You are being woosy but if you are that nervous you are better off not driving, you will be a state and a half with 3 kids in a car.

I would wait until you have had this baby and then think about taking some proper refresher lessons if it is that much of an inconvenience, then it is just down to practice and staying on the road.

giddly · 30/09/2008 15:40

I totally empathise. I had the same problem. I eventually got round it by having some professional refresher lessons and buying a wreck of a car that I felt comfortable driving. I started by doing very short journeys by myself every day (just half a mile with no right turns to begin with!) and built up. I now drive every day including A roads and motorways ad while I wouldn't say I enjoyed it I'm reasonably confident and life would be impossible without it (we live in the sticks now). I feel very proud of myself and empowered that I got over my fear (I'm a very independant person and felt very embarassed about my phobia). Probably now at 7 m pregnant is not the time to start, but I really would recommend trying, starting at your own pace. In my case I found it got easier quicker than I expected.

lingle · 30/09/2008 15:49

Safety first. Build up only gradually. not now.
inexperienced drivers ARE dangerous. learn slowly and without the kids in the car.

Simplysally · 30/09/2008 16:07

I don't think you are BU as long as it doesn't impact on your DH too much so he's picking up the slack. I didn't drive for 18mo after I passed my test and it was another 18mo after that before I bought my first car. Then there was no stopping me!

If you are nervous about negotiating your way about then a sat-nav might help as all you have to do is drive iyswim. Even if you take a wrong turn it'll recalculate a route and you can programme it to avoid motorways, toll roads and so on. I would get back behind the wheel sooner rather than later - take some refresher courses - even if you only toddle down to the supermarket once a week. It's useful to have the skill even if you rarely use it esp with three children. Having said that my Mum had four kids and managed to get us all round for years on public transport/shanks pony as she didn't pass her test until I was 13/14.

Original poster

staranise · 30/09/2008 18:24

Thanks for replies, interesting mix of opinion.

The thing is I don't need to drive in that we live in central london with good transport plus most things eg schools etc are walking distance. I never ask DH to give me a lift and I am happy to drive a bit further if I have a friend with me so I actually do more ferrying around of other people than vice versa (due to pg non-drinking!). I always maintain as well that if we lived somewhere quieter ie, not central london, I would be happy to drive more as the traffic here does freak me out (not sure if this is really true however if put to the test!).

It really is more of a guilt thing as DH jsut cannot understand it. Plus I spent a fortune on refresher lessons and am loathe to admit I probably need more. A

nd I hate being such a wuss
but the anxiety is worse.

OP posts:

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