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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for inviting a woman I just met today at DS's playgroup to my homebirth? DH thinks I am.

33 replies

EnchantedWithEdwardCullen · 30/09/2008 13:23

Its not as bad as it sounds

I got talking to one of the playgroup workers and turns out she was a midwife and stopped practicing 8 years ago. I was saying how I was planning on having this baby at home, like I did with DS2.

She was fascinated, she was saying how she had never seen a natural birth and the 'clinicalness' of it all made her quit midwiffery.

She was saying how she loved it and misses it and she still works as a nurse as well as working int he nursery.

I asked her if she ever considered becoming a doula, and she said it was something she was considering lookin in to.

I then told her she was more than welcome to attend my birth.

DH thinks Im mad! lol

OP posts:
piratecat · 30/09/2008 13:25

dh is prob thinking, hang on 'who?' is this person you have invited.

Are you regeretting saying it? how pg are you?

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 30/09/2008 13:25

She was a fully trained MW, who never saw a natural birth?

Are you sure she used to a MW?

Original poster
EnchantedWithEdwardCullen · 30/09/2008 13:26

Yes a natural birth as in no intervention, no monitoring, no drugs, no being strapped to the bed, no induction etc ...

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 30/09/2008 13:28

how long was she a midwife for?

oh i think yes you are odd to invite someone you just met to your birth lol

LucyJones · 30/09/2008 13:29

well I guess all hospital births are monitired zippi

elkiedee · 30/09/2008 13:30

It sounds mad on one level but when you think about it, in hospital you're likely to have lots of people you've never met before present at the birth or at some point in it! I had an induction and long labour and I lost count of the number of people who came in and out at times, though it was better at the end.

hatrick · 30/09/2008 13:31

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zippitippitoes · 30/09/2008 13:31

well you mean monitored like you get checked over from time to time?

do people get strapped to beds?

i am clearly quite ignorant as to what happens in childbirth

Snaf · 30/09/2008 13:31

I would be a bit about a mw who reckons she had never seen a natural birth, tbh. I work in a very medicalised unit and still manage to see women come in and just have babies with no interventions, etc! Not that often, granted, but it does happen

LucyJones · 30/09/2008 13:32

yes I see what you mean
I just realised I had a completely natural birth in hospital lol

LucyJones · 30/09/2008 13:32

as in I arrived at hospital, 10 minutes later dd popped out

she must have seen something like that surely?

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 30/09/2008 13:32

I am with your DH on this.

Something doesn't sound right to me and I wouldn't have her there.

If you change your mind, tell her the truth that Dh just wants family/friends/usualy midwife there.

hatrick · 30/09/2008 13:35

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
EnchantedWithEdwardCullen · 30/09/2008 13:36

she was saying how it disheartened her the amount of intervention she was made to do, examinations, rupturing membranes if a certain amount of time has passed,

i told her about DSs birth where I wasn't monitered at all and just pushed when i felt like it, he was born in a birth pool in my living room and it was just so relaxing.

I was considering paying £300 to hire a doula, a person who would be enhusistic and knowlegable in birth to be there, so why not invite this woman? She seemed fab.

I guess its personal, twn't fe omfaable t l having her there.

She is a nursery worker and spoke openly about her midwiffery background and Im sure the nursery have ran checks on her, if she was lying about it Im sure they would know Why do people automatically assume people are lying about things?

DH talks to her regularly, I don't do the nursery run,

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 30/09/2008 13:37

Well, I'd say if your DH is going to be there for the event then he'll likely be the one having to deal with a house full of people while you're in labour, so if he's not comfortable about another person being invited along then you should give his views some serious consideration, whether or not this lady is genuine (and not a nutter of any sort!)

Original poster
EnchantedWithEdwardCullen · 30/09/2008 13:38

sorry wireless keyboard is dying

i meant to say 'i wouldn't feel uncomfatable having her there'

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 30/09/2008 13:38

i didnt think she was lying i was just

it is important tho that you dh is happy too

...isnt it?

Original poster
EnchantedWithEdwardCullen · 30/09/2008 13:39

He's not really bothered, he was like but then said 'its up to you who you have there'

I'm having a few people round

OP posts:
Original poster
EnchantedWithEdwardCullen · 30/09/2008 13:40

He still thinks im mad, but thats nothing new, he is suppoertive either way

OP posts:
belgo · 30/09/2008 13:40

As long as your dh is happy about it, then I don't see why not.

zippitippitoes · 30/09/2008 13:41

well...i cant imagine an ything worse than having a gathering when i was giving birth but yiyu like the idea soi i guess you just get to know her better and she gets to know your dh before the birth

i dont think i would have her playing a part tho

Snaf · 30/09/2008 13:41

Am not saying she's lying - the intervention aspect of hospital midwifery is disheartening and certainly the reason lots of mws leave. I can absolutely identify with that - the frustrations of following ridiculous protocols, the hassle you get if you don't etc.

But... to never have seen a natural birth? Just seems a bit unlikely. Maybe she meant 'rarely' rather than never?!

onepieceoflollipop · 30/09/2008 13:42

Perhaps the woman herself will realise that you may have offered on the spur of the moment and may have second thoughts. One would hope with her professional background that she wouldn't take a spur of the moment "invitation" to join your home birth as some sort of formal and unchangeable contract?

I would be worried tbh if she did take your little chat as confirmation that she will definitely be there.

piratecat · 30/09/2008 13:43

how did you word the invite tho, perhaps she felt very priviledged, and agreed, but then also felt she couldn't say no.

piratecat · 30/09/2008 13:43

onepiece, thats what i meant

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