It's sneaky, sure, but is it unreasonable given the circumstances?

[ColumboLovesHowardMoon]

We need a new mattress. DH is doing my head in by insisting he likes a "hard" mattress. WTF likes a "hard" mattress? Firm, maybe but "hard"?

I like memory foam or latex, and would be happy to get a medium to firm latex mattress, but every bed/mattress we try out, DH lies down and immediately says he doesn't like it. What he likes are the kind of beds you get in posh hotels but he doesn't get it that they feel like that because they have a feather pillow topper on and that no mattress will feel like that in the shop. Nor that you have to give it a few minutes at least.

Anyway, DH is a good sleeper - he can sleep quite happily on a chair, sofa, floor within seconds falling into a deep sleep. Same in our current bed. As soon as he rests his head on the pillow he is asleep. I on the other hand am a poor sleeper, suffer frequently from insomnia and find it hard to sleep unless I'm really comfy.

So, it is unreasonable of me to wait until DH goes away on business, then secretly replace our current mattress with a medium/firm latex one despite him having said he doesn't like them, because I feel that in this respect he doesn't know his own mind or in fact what he is talking about?

Nope. Tempting, but how would YOU feel if you came back from somewhere and suddenly had a rock hard mattress?

Yes, but I would notice - he won't even notice, that is the point.

YABU but hell do it anyway. The memory foam ones are great. Didn't need any funny wedge shaped pillows in last 2 pgs and could sleep for full night unlike 1st pg.

Or single beds. That'll teach him.

he likes a hard mattress, but he likes hotel ones coz of the squishy topper? confusing.

get any mattress you like and get a squishy topper for it. compromise innit.

or twin beds...

OK, single beds going too far. I would even get a feather topper so it would be like his beloved 5* hotel beds.

does big oversized shoulder shrug]

is that not what i said??

You can get those beds that have separate matresses with a zip down the middle for people who want different firmness.Me and my DH are very different in size and he insisted that he wanted a hard mattress but what was really needed was a good supporting mattress. In the end we spend a fortune on one with a high spring count so he got the support he needed and I got the comfort of a softer mattress. We were advised against the memory foam because they take a long time to warm up and get use to.We both can't stand hotel mattresses now because they are too hard and can't wait to get back to our own bed.I think YABU to replace the mattress without him knowing tbh.

YANBU. Just get whatever mattress you want/need and then never mention mattresses again. If he brings the topic up, deny that you were ever discussing it and claim no recollection of the shop visits.

YANBU. Just get whatever mattress you want/need and then never mention mattresses again. If he brings the topic up, deny that you were ever discussing it and claim no recollection of the shop visits.

Nappies - exactly - he doesn't know what he's talking about, he's like bloody Goldilocks. He just doesn't like change, he's happy as long as he doesn't have make a decision or any effort.

And Nappies it was crossed posts earlier I didn't yours before I posted.

you don't know he won't notice.

done deal then. do as hassled says.
maybe concede to thoughtfully getting a topper for him coz youre so bloody lovely.

(i know, just tickled me is all )

I know, I'll get a new mattress, and then when he gets back, I'll say "You know what? Our mattress is fine after all isn't it. Very comfortable. Certainly do for the time being. We needn't bother with a new one after all." I bet he would just agree with me.

yes, i think you should try that.

oh, and try earplugs if youre not sleeping well. they are my New Best Friend. v restful.

My dh and I have the same problem. We also continiously disagree with the tog rating of our duvet and I seriously regret getting one of those interchangable summer/autumn/winter ones. My dh also can sleep on anything. I'd love a softer bed and think it would make a huge difference to my life. I wake up every single morning in agony with my back and hips so why can't he just understand and let me change it?!!?

I too think if I did change it whilst he was away he'd never notice. He would however notice the money had disappeared so not going to happen.

Mine would notice too, which is why I'm selling my own possessions on Ebay to fund this!