to be upset by my sister's comments?

[onthepier]

My sister who doesn't have children, spent the weekend with us recently. I thought it was lovely to see her as she lives a distance away + we don't see each other that
much. I made an effort to make the weekend enjoyable, ie, we went out for a couple of meals, one just the two of us + the other with my two dc's, (age 9 + 5) + my dh.

The dc's were pleased to see her, + we all went out to a playcentre one afternoon, met a friend of mine there with her dc's + generally had a nice time. My sister said how nice it was to spend time with the children.

However my mum said to me the other day that staying with me has persuaded my sister not to settle down + have a family!! Apparently she said the weekend seemed so routine, nothing could be done on the spur of the moment because we had to plan around the dc's, (they're not naughty kids by the way, they can be excitable but they behaved well at the weekend!)

I'm feeling quite upset to be honest, work was very busy that week + I put a lot of effort into the weekend, clearing space, (we have an awful lot of toys!!), food shopping, sorting out the spare room, (just finished decorating so there was a fair bit to do). I didn't mind all that as I was looking forward to seeing her, but I just get the feeling she found the weekend a bit of a drag. Could understand it if we'd sat in all the time but myself + dh felt we'd put on a nice weekend for her.

My mum does have a habit of repeating things, I'm sure my sister wouldn't have wanted her to tell me! I almost feel like asking her what the problem was but don't want to put her on the spot!

Sounds like your mum is stirring! Who knows what the conversation was? Maybe your mum was being irritating and asking when your sister was going to settle down etc and she just answered defensively. Did you feel like she had a nice time? If you did, go with that and ignore your mum!

Even if the weekend made her think she didn't want to have a family quite yet it doesn't mean that she didn't have a nice time! It may well be that she recognised how much effort you put into making things work and was reflecting how easy her life was in comparison. Which it probably is . In any case it may well be that your mother has put a fair bit of interpretation into what your sister actually said (I know my mother does this, and then wonders why she upsets people...)

I wouldn't take it personally. I'm sure your sister probably meant what she said in a general way. She only has that opinion because it isn't her life. I would just remind her that she needs to be careful what she says to your mum in future and then leave her guessing. Ha ha!!!

I think it can be both things at the same time - she genuinely enjoyed the weekend and spending time with you and your family, but at the same time doesn't want to do it all herself just yet.

Kids are a shock to the system. I had completely under-estimated how trapped and unspontaneous my life would be after DS arrived (which is not to say that I'm unhappy, I'm very happy to be a mother, just glad I didn't do it when I was much younger).

I think its a normal kind of pre kids reaction - wow, lovely to spend time with my nieces and nephews, but isn't it hard work/I can't imagine my life being like that. I had no idea what life would be like, and the truth is its really hard work, but incredibly worth it, tbh I don't think it sounds like she meant anything against you, but that depends on your history. My sister and friend (and Mum actually, how did she ever bring up three children including twins? She seems to have erased it from her memory)say stuff like that all the time.

you are over reacting.
just because she doesn't feel ready to make teh same life decision youhave doesn't mean she is making a judgment about your choices.

I could never be a nurse, but i have the upmots respect for those who can.

i thin it is good that spending some time with you has allowed her to see where she wants her own life to go, at least short term.

being a parent is a loving and fulfilling role, but it is most certainly not for everyone.

stop being so sensetive.

onthepier you sound really hospitable and kind but the comment may be taken out of context and not an actual criticism of you

your sister is discussing her situation her emotional response etc not dissing your's

tbh,before i was in the babyzone i thought
baby=suburban moribund boring ole gimmer with slippers hell

i used to go visit my friend's and their dc and think "god shot me i will never do that. settle down was a phrase that made your blood run cold

smile serenely. remind her of this when she has child

Reading your posts made me realise I may have been over sensitive on this. I know when you're single + have no kids it's a completely different lifestyle + I suppose our household generally revolves around the dc's. My sister has a flat in London, works different hours every day + no two days are the same. Very different to my life, (or anybody else's with young children)!

Your moither is an insensitive shit stirrer.
Be angry at her, not yuor dsis.

It's far more likely that your sister's comments were in response to more pressure from others to shut up and breed when she doesn't want to. It's OK to not want children and not have them. It doesn;t mean you hate children or despise parents. It just means you don't want your own.

but being honest having children does kinda put a stop to being able to do things at the drop of a hat! tbh Im sure she had a fab time but maybe gave her a clear idea of how hard kids can be. Wouldnt worry and your mum sounds like she is stirring.