AIBU to tell my father that he's an arsehole?

[falcon]

I love him but I don't like him and we've just had an argument because I'm sending packages to soldiers, and he's very anti British army and very pro IRA.(Quite the opposite of me)

Now I'm not a big fan of the military in general, but I do support the individual soldiers and I'm grateful for what they've done for us.

When he heard what I was doing he went crazy and called soldiers several names I won't repeat. And wouldn't stop.

I called him an arsehole(which he can be) my politics don't have to be the same as his and I think he's an extremist.

I probably shouldn't call him an arsehole but he was going on and on and shouting at me.

Apologies for rambling I just need to vent.

It isn't even about our different views, I just don't think he should try to force his views on me.

I can see why people say you should never discuss politics at the dinner table.

My FIL is like this - tbh he is a racist twat and my DH has given up on talking to him about anything except the absolute day to day

my DH battled with him for ages and now just tries to avoid him, which is sad but necessary for his sanity

poor you - not nice to find your parents views horrible x

Perhaps I'm intolerant in my own way. I have great difficulty in talking to racists. extremists, people who are very right wing etc.

no YANBU - anyone who supports the IRA is an arsehole and deserves to be told so.

I think arsehole is quite apt in this instance!

YANBU

I don't want to make him sound like a monster, he isn't.

He can be a good father, but his politics scare me. I have a memory of my father sitting watching the news and laughing when it showed an RUC officer on fire.

It sounds dumb but it traumatised me and I still think of it from time to time.

I sound so pathetic I know.

not pathetic in the least

I think that would traumise most people

Thankyou.I feel a little better knowing it would upset others too and that I'm not just being a wimp.

I feel a little guilty now, partly because he brought me chocolate, he was drunk(though we have similar arguments when he's not) so hopefully this will be forgotten soon.

No yanbu, I feel like this alot and have told him on occasion that he is an arsehole. Especially when he is drunk.

I think calling your parents arseholes is wonderfully cathartic and almost always justified.

So knock yourself out

LOL VeronicaMars, I tend to call my father an arsehole when I am drunk

I could never call my mother that, that's for sure. She and I have our disagreements but she's an incredible mother and has always been there for it.

But I think I was justified in this case.

By falcon on Sun 28-Sep-08 21:37:13
I don't want to make him sound like a monster, he isn't.

He can be a good father, but his politics scare me. I have a memory of my father sitting watching the news and laughing when it showed an RUC officer on fire.

It sounds dumb but it traumatised me and I still think of it from time to time.

I sound so pathetic I know.

Err, no you dont sound dumb and laughing at someone on fire is bloody beyond vile. Regardless of politics, it takes a certain mentality to find amusement in someones extreme pain. No wonder you were traumatised!

I am really sorry falcon, my posts come across as flippant and inappropriate in the context of your OP.

I posted because I saw the thread and have a long and painful history with my parents... which makes me sarky and a bit flippant. sorry!

your dad has no right whatsoever to impose his prehistoric opinions on you like that. You should of course be true to yourself and stand up to him when he lets himself down by peddling such crap. My father is a highly intelligent, creative man who lets himself down contantly by parroting racist unreconstituted ignorant bigotry he picked up from his own father. I like to think I'm doing him and the world a favour by calling him an arsehole when he spouts this crap.

No it's fine snarky, you made me laugh which is what I needed.

anal space is more polite if you get the urger again

my father once said that if there was a popular resurgence of anti-Zionist/anti-Semitic politics in this country he'd be happy to turn out and heft the odd brick through a Jewish shopkeeper's window

I looked at him - he's educated, creative, sensitive, incredibly kind - and felt sick, angry and disappointed. And I told him so. I was ashamed of him for even saying something so mindlessly stupid.

Do you think your father really means this stuff, or is some kind of default setting he reverts to when he feels threatened or whatever? My dad is capable of real originality and even altruism, but when he reverts to type and spouts the stuff his father taught him, it makes me want to vomit.

OMG Snarky

Unfortunately he really does mean it, he detests anything that's British(despite being Scottish himself.
He's convinced that he's Irish(his great grandfather was Irish] why he doesn't move there I'll never understand.

I've loathed his politics ever since I was a child, and while I have no problem with Irish people I've always refused to visit Ireland simply because I know it'd please him if I did. Silly I know.

Her does sound like a bit of an arsehole, falcon.
Sorry.

There's alot of romanticism about IRA/the troubles in Scotland...less so these days but it's always been there. It's the "Braveheart Syndrome". I think knowing that we were never a target during the years of bombings etc gave Scots the opportunity to have sympathy... It's easy to be an armchair supporter when you're not risking anything.

Your dad is an arsehole but he probably enjoys the outrage... to annoy him even more I wouldn't give him the attention.