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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my neighbours to tell their kids to stay out my drive?

62 replies

StrawberrySauce · 26/09/2008 21:07

My neighbours have 4 kids aged between 3 and 7. Whenever we come out or go in our house, (if they are outside), the kids all come into our drive and talk to me and my DS (aged 5). I have told them many times that this is our front garden and please could they not just come in. But they persist in coming in because their parents don't tell them to stay out.

I should say that the parents never ever talk to me apart from occasionally acknowledging my smile with a small nod.

Today we had just arrived home frazzled from school with DS just about to lose it completely and again all 4 kids appeared next to me, between my car door and my front door. I was a bit too strong in asking them to please get out my garden and the mother had a go at me.

They seem to expect me to talk to all their kids politely even though they will scarely acknowledge me. I think it's also that I am only used to one DC and to have another 4 kids appearing at my side is just a bit too much. After 4 years of asking them to respect my privacy, I'm getting a bit tired of it.

Am I just being old-fashioned in that I expect people not to come into my property unless I invite them, even if it is little kids?

OP posts:
MrsSnape · 26/09/2008 21:35

This would drive me nuts. YANBU. Kids should learn boundries and that includes not wandering into someone's garden whenever they feel like it, surely?

If my kids were constantly pestering the neighbours, I'd do more to teach them to respect people's privacy personally.

FairLadyRantALot · 26/09/2008 21:38

hm, these kids are nothing but friendly dispite their ,what by your description seem ,unsociable parents and it bothers you...?????
You can access your driveway...so what is the problem? How can you be so critical about their parents lack of socially "involved" with you and then reject the Kids because they want to socialise...do you want it all as and when YOU feel it should happen?

Mutt · 26/09/2008 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quattrocento · 26/09/2008 21:43

You are missing a preposition you know

Throw a bucket of water over them

falcon · 26/09/2008 21:43

Do people always have to be in the mood to chat? Do you never have a day where it's the last thing you want to do or are too busy to do so?

I wouldn't be rude but I would be rather brief and say I have to go during those days.

Original poster
StrawberrySauce · 26/09/2008 21:43

Good question FairLady. Maybe that's why I find it hard to deal with - I am not sure how friendly to be. If I was really friendly, I think I would feel odd as the parents ignore me. I'd find it easier if I had the same relationship with both kids and parents.

I think it's also that I just feel overwhelmed by 4 kids - if it was just 1 or 2 I don't think I would find it a problem.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 26/09/2008 21:49

hm...I take each individual as they come....I do not feel that I have o be best friend with childrens friend etc.....the kids are only nice...if they would howl abuse...it would be different

and falcon, yes we have all days where we are short on conversation....but that does not mean we have to be abrupt or nasty...iykwim...we can be polite and short in a friendly way

StudentMadwife · 26/09/2008 21:49

Is this for real?

YABU, fair enough, you dont want anyone opening your garden gate, walking in pestering you at the front door etc but walking on your driveway!?

young children dont have concepts of boundries(in the property sense) and if your busy tell them-if the kids next door to us start pestering i just give them a big smile and say something along the lines of "we cant stop and talk because were going out in a bit" or something, = they dont think im horrible and they do buggeroff!

they are children

FairLadyRantALot · 26/09/2008 21:51

hm...strawberrie, surely you have met 4 or 5 people at one time.....kids are only people....they only want a chat and say hi....

Original poster
StrawberrySauce · 26/09/2008 21:52

OK, that's helpful. Just wanted a reality check on all this!

OP posts:
Twiglett · 26/09/2008 21:53

YANBU .. build a fence and a gate so they just can't wander in when they want to

I can imagine returning home frazzled and other people's children getting between you and your house is unacceptable ...

StudentMadwife · 26/09/2008 21:54

pmsl

FairLadyRantALot · 26/09/2008 21:55

lol....honest....kids, especially other people's kids, tend to be far less scary then your own, lol....

Mutt · 26/09/2008 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

falcon · 26/09/2008 21:55

That's what I mean Fairlady. I'd be polite in exactly the manner you describe.

FairLadyRantALot · 26/09/2008 21:56

well, that is fine then...well, imo anyway

StudentMadwife · 26/09/2008 21:57

This is what I fecking hate about this country, no one likes to know anyone knowdays and people just keep themselves to themselves.....really sad.

I want to move somewhere like rural france or italy where people come and call to check your ok and say hi.

JuneBugJen · 26/09/2008 21:59

You sound like a nice person (from the fact that you have absorbed the YABU blows from above with good grace!) so assume you are friendly to the children.
But...
Can see how having 4 kids suddenly rushing at you could be a bit overwhelming when you just arrive home. Does your DC like them? How about getting to know the ones the same age? And the parents...how about having a friendly chat one day? Suddenly then you wont have a crowd of strangers rushing you, but your DCs mates!

Mutt · 26/09/2008 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsruffallo · 26/09/2008 22:00

YABU

LazyLinePainterJane · 26/09/2008 22:03

Why is your small smile to them more acknowledgement than their nod to you? You're not exactly dashing out of your house with cake and tea to greet them!

Original poster
StrawberrySauce · 26/09/2008 22:10

Good points everyone. Thanks. Off to bed now. Will wake up tomorrow and become model nice neighbour and be friendly to all!

OP posts:
StudentMadwife · 26/09/2008 22:13

lol

JuneBugJen · 26/09/2008 22:14

Well done Strawberry.

See I told you she was a nice person!

babbi · 26/09/2008 23:07

They will be friends to your little one so try to relax a little !!
Though ( and do not wish to scare you ) I had similar thing with kids descending to chat to my DD who is only 3. But as I was pleased that they all made so much effort with her and she loved the attention from the 9 and 10 year olds I was more than friendly and actively encouraged it. I even went out to show them how to do handstands in my front garden as I could see they were not very good at trying it for themselves - BAD MOVE - as well as banjoing my back trying to be fit and fun , word has spread about the nutty , fun mummy who likes to have a laugh and I am now over run with little gangs of kids !!! I love it really but am going through loads of toilet roll as they all just "pop" in to save them going back to their own homes !
But as a previous post says when I am busy or need to go out etc I do have to be firm and kind of ask for space - they then go but not offended.