To dump a needy, stalkerish friend

[memoo]

I know you are probably going to say IABU, because I sound like i'm just being a bitch, But has anyone else ever had a 'friend' who becomes a really cling on?

-phoning 3 times a day, sometimes at 8 in the morning for a chat even when I've said I'm trying to get DC ready for school.

• Turning up without notice at meal times and then not leaving even when she can see that I am putting DC's dinner out. She stands there til I end up having to offering her DC some too because I feel so mean on them.

• She texts me and if I don't reply within a few minutes she texts again asking if I have fallen out with her.

• Turning up at my door at 11 at night because she has had another argument with her DH, and then sitting on my couch til 2 in the morning moaning, even when she knows I have to get up for work the next day.

This sounds awful but the women is so self absorbed, I really need to 'dump' her but don't know how to go about it without hurting her feelings

Sounds like a one-way friendship to me. Not healthy.

YANBU! I have been there! It got too much that it was starting to interfere with my relationship with dh. I 'dumped' friend but now, over a year later I still get the odd text and email! Have now changed my phone numbers!

southernbelle - your friend sounds a bit desperate! Blimey...

(I mean - why has she not taken the hint?)

Definitely YANBU. I had a flatmate a bit like this once - obviously, slightly different scenario as we lived together - but she was always breaking down at 10:30 as I was going to bed, or settling down to watch tv or whatever. It was absolutely shattering. It all came to a head and while we're still vaguelly friendly, from the moment we moved out we have been "group" friends - I don't see her one on one ever.

It's horrible and you feel bad, but sometimes you have to just look after yourself.

YANBU I had a lodger who sort of dumped herself on me and became a complete leech. She had an awful boyfriend with whom she had violent arguments with but dragged me into the whole thing, wanted me to make rules for her like I was her parent!
She was not a true friend- not nice behind my back and I ended up really falling out with her.
I would distance yourself before you get really fed up with her.

Bling- yuor situation sounds very similar to mine. It's very emoitionally draining.

I think it is always a warning sign when someone comes to you with their emotional crises when you've only known them a short time. Most people would turn to older, closer friends when they are upset. That kind of stalker type seems to home in on someone and then become very emotionally demanding very quickly.

I used to be a real magnet for them - I think I've toughened up now! I had a flatmate one as well once and to my shame I just avoided her until she moved out.