in thinking that no-one can do instant self-justification like a teenager?

[unclefluffy]

It's early, so I'm not at my Socratic best. The (maybe?) 14 year old paper boy who delivers next door let his dog start to crap on my drive, then let her finish her crap in the bushes in my front garden, then kicked the crap off the drive into the bushes. During this manoeuvre, I went outside in my pyjamas to remonstrate with him. First I had to do a little dance to get his attention because he was listening to music.

Please imagine a woman in pyjamas, barefoot, 7.5 months pregnant, holding a handful of courgettes, waving and saying "'Scuse me!" over and over again in a tone loud enough to attract attention, but not loud enough to disturb the neighbours who aren't usually up until 7.30am. When he finally saw me and took his earphones out I said: "You need to clean up after your dog properly and not just kick it into my bushes." He immediately replied: "It's more environmental! And I just used a poo bag and I didn't have another one." He was clearly a very cunning chap and could tell that the courgettes I had in my hand were organic courgettes and that I would be open to the environmental argument. In some ways, it's just a shame he under cut it with the bit about the poo bag...

Anyway, as I said, I was not at my Socratic best, so I ended on the rather weak: "Sure, but you mustn't let your dog crap on my drive, and you obviously need to bring another bag because I've seen it happen before, OK?" In my defence, I was taken by surprise at facing an actual argument at that time in the morning. Would you have been surprised? Could I have said anything to cut the self-justification off at the pass without actually yelling at the kid? Or are teenagers just generally self-justification machines (and I have this all to come)?

Just because I know we get into trouble otherwise, you should probably know that:

1. I have seen the dog crap on my drive three times, and seen the crap minus culprit on one further occasion.
2. No toddlers play in the bushes.
3. I have no real intention of doing any gardening activity at all in the near future, but if I did it's perfectly possible that I would take a rake to the huge piles of leaves (and, as it turns out, turds) that accumulate under the bushes in the front garden.
4. It's perfectly possible that what with the dancing, the courgettes and the large fleece I wear as a dressing gown, the kid didn't know I was pregnant.
5. In fact, being pregnant isn't really relevant to the story. I raise it purely for sympathy during the part of the story when I dance around in front of my house.
6. I have no idea why I didn't put the courgettes down before I ran out of the house.

So there.

Where does he put the paper? Enlist the help of your neighbour and put some poobags there for him to use! Poking out of the letter box maybe?

I was thinking of tying a couple of bright orange Sainsbury's bags to the bush! Given his general level of awareness of the world around him (see previous posts about dancing around waving courgettes to attract attention) the neighbour's letter box might be a better place, though. He actually has to LOOK at that.

Yes yes orange the best sort definitely

You have a saints patience unclefluffy. How about tying the boy to the dog and stuffing them both in the box?
I'm still for delivering the doggies gifts to the rightful owners doorstep.
Yes, the dog is just repeating where he smells his last poo.
That is how dogs know each other (they sniff each others behinds) because they all smell different. You have to get some enzyme cleaner to get rid of the smell...ammonia only makes it smell more so like a place to do his business.
I think you should have a talk with his (the teenager, not the dog) parents and let them know you are not pleased.
The boys shoes aren't going to be too keen on the floor either. I bet they wonder why Fido makes a mess in the house around his shoes if he doesn't clean them. [hmmm]

Turns out that my other half is much less patient than me. I'm sort of hoping he forgets to yell at the paperboy tomorrow to give me a chance to get out there with spare poo bags to help him identify the stuff he should be picking up. The kid is indeed irritating, but DH is frightening first thing in the morning and I don't really want to scar a child for life!

And now the courgette-free conclusion (I hope). Mrfluffy shot out of the front door this morning to talk to the kid. The kid crossed the road so he could conduct the conversation from the other pavement .

Mrfluffy: I understand you talked to unclefluffy about what your dog did yesterday?
Kid: Yes.
Mrfluffy: You understand that musn't happen again?
Kid: Yes.
Mrfluffy: You're sure?
Kid: Yes.
Mrfluffy: Good man.

THE END.

Outstanding!!! I hope he does indeed hold to his word.
I am wishing you a puppypooless day unclefluffy.