to think my boss should deal with the bullying gossips, rather than tell me to change my friends?

[nomoregossip]

I have a male friend at work, who I spend a fair amount of time with, on a purely platonic basis. We are aware that the fact that we spend time together leads to gossip, but we know everything is above board, laugh of anything that is said and frankly, find it quite amusing.

Or we did, until my (our) boss took me aside to say the gossip was getting nasty and I should really spend less time with this man.

I was furious and told him if people were spreading malicious lies, he should deal with that under the firms bullying policy. It was probably an over reaction (I never thought of it as bullying before) but I was so shocked that he felt it necessary to speak to me TBH. Also v. annoyed that he spoke to me as the woman and not to the man.

Anyway AIBU to think it's my business who I have lunch with?

As I understand it he wasn't asking her to spend less time with the man, he was giving his (imo valid) opinion that she should consider spending less time with him.

Might be wrong, but that's how I read it, not as a request more as a suggestion.

You can't stop gossiping. He should say something if within his earshot people are saying nasty things, just as he should if anyone says anything nasty about another colleague, but the reality is all they'll do is be more careful about when they gossip and who is present at the time.

x-posts with a few people.

sorry x-posts with nomoregossip, yes i agree that men can gossip just as much, i work in a office full of males, sometimes they are ruthless gossips!

Since when does your boss and jealousgossiping workmates get to dictate who you are friends with?

I'm assuming you do a good job while you are at work, your friendships are none of their business.

This is so petty. You are the only woman in an office of men. Unless he and you are doing some serious flirting, acting innappropriately, that they are gossiping about, then it's jealousy pure and simple.

Tell 'em all to f-off.

"Oh, so you cant stop people gossiping, but you can ask someone to tone down a friendship I think her boss was right to make her aware of the nasty gossip, but wrong to ask her to spend less time with this man "

i'd agree with this mostly.and if in general the boss is a good guy and not a prick i'd give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. assume that he was just trying to give you a heads up and help in his own way but misjudged it badly.

if he has a history of ineptitude and poor personal skills then i might consider taking it further.

Is it any wonder women have a hard time in the workplace with some peoples attitudes (including some women)

You are all right that people gossiping shouldn't make a difference to who you have as friends, neither is it anyone's business who you choose to have lunch with.

However the fact remains that people DO gossip and DO jump to conclusions, and things spread, opinions are formed (not necessarily favourably) and partners may be informed accidentally or on purpose. I think your boss did you a favour by letting you know that talk was getting a little out of hand.

agree with kitbit

it is easy to get on your high horse about situations like this but the truth is people gossip ALL THE TIME - this is not bullying.

This is not bullying

And I don't understand why you are so defensive about it?

I have a close male friend that I work with, I know there has been speculation about us in the past. Maybe in the distant past there was even some basis for that as I don't doubt that at times we have both wondered about taking things further. We have been friends since we started uni, and graduated in the same field, so our friendship predates our relationships with our spouses. I never cared at all about any gossip, even joking about it with my DH, until after a few glasses of wine, my friend's DW said she worried constantly that he and I would wind up together. There is no possibility of that happening but it was a wake up call. Ever since, I've gone out of my way to reassure her that I am not a threat.

People will always gossip i agree, In my office, they probably gossip about my big fat arse, my boss would be right to tell me people gossip about me, but he would be wrong to suggest i might want to go on a diet.