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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would a parent do this?

32 replies

Ripeberry · 22/09/2008 17:43

For the last 7 schooldays my DD1's best friend has not been going to school as his mum says that he is not well and has a fever.
But on the dot of 4pm everyday he has been playing outside until well past 8pm!
Today, her two secondary school DCs and two primary school DCs have been home and AGAIN as soon as 4pm comes round they are all out there.
Ok maybe by 4pm she has had enough of them, but they don't look ill to me.
She has lots of friends who could take the "well" kids to school, and the older ones catch the bus anyway.
AIBU in thinking "Why are you messing around with your kids education?", if other people just wanted one day off we have to jump through hoops to get it.
Did manage to speak to DD1's friend last week and he just said "We can't be bothered with school".
When i was younger my Mum would make me stay in bed ALL day if i was unwell.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 22/09/2008 17:45

Maybe she is trying out home edding, but keeping them in school incase she changes her mind?

Maybe she likes screaming kids under her feet all day?

Original poster
Ripeberry · 22/09/2008 17:46

And by the way he is only 6yrs old and oldest is 12yrs old. But i also feel AIBU as i won't let DD1's friend play in our house, because if he is THAT ill, we don't want to catch it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ripeberry · 22/09/2008 17:48

There is no way she will be Home educating, not that kind of person.
Also, the atmosphere at school would be better as she and her mother (kid's grandmother) are both chain smokers. There is a permanent fog in the house (no kidding).
Just feel sorry for the kids.

OP posts:
FranSanDisco · 22/09/2008 17:52

Is there something affecting her getting up in the morning. Is she depressed? It's rather sad to think the child can't be bothered with school at 6 yo. I was at least 14 yo before I realised I couldn't be bothered going . I am sure the school will be in touch if the absences continue.

Original poster
Ripeberry · 22/09/2008 17:58

Problem is that she has done this before and her older kids always seem to be at home at odd times.
It's just that they get bored and start messing around in the street wrecking things and even now in the rain they are out there wandering around.
Almost like she does not want them in the house.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 22/09/2008 18:02

Sounds like they might have some problems unless it's a mystery 9am-4pm illness. Hopefully education welfare will be round eventually if they don't get back to school soon. Some schools are quite lax in making referrals to EW though, unfortunately.

forevercleaning · 22/09/2008 18:13

i would say she is perhaps home educating, and seeing how things go before she de-regs the child? A possibility anyway.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 22/09/2008 18:17

Unless you are willing to befriend this woman and try and help the family, I don't see it is your business tbh.

Overmydeadbody · 22/09/2008 18:20

Yes, unless you want to help, or the children are seriously neglected, it really is non of your business to be judging and speculating.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 22/09/2008 18:28

YANBU i hate getting up to get dd1 to school. i hate arguing with her everymorning. i feel awfull when she complains that she is too tired and doesnt want to go.

she asked the other day how ill she had to be to stay home i told her to ask again when her head was falling off and we would consider keeping her home.

she went on time all last week even though i was full of flu and just wanted my bed.

cory · 22/09/2008 19:29

Oh dear, we went through a patch last year when dd (genuine recognised disability) had bad joint flare-ups in the morning which usually cleared up by the end of the afternoon. By the time she was able to get out of bed school was closed.

I am afraid I did often forbid her to play in the garden for fear of people's tongues- but I wasn't happy with the message I was sending my child .

Not suggesting your neighbours have a genuine explanation like this- but we did, and people still judged us.

cory · 22/09/2008 19:30

And Education Welfare were certainly onto us, though they knew the reason.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 22/09/2008 19:34

how likely is it that all four children have an illness that only affects them during the day though?

cory · 22/09/2008 21:11

Not very, one would have to admit.

LaylaandSethsmum · 22/09/2008 21:18

I guess she just can't be arsed. "we can't be bothered with school" probably means "Our mum, can't be bothered with school".

Heated · 22/09/2008 21:28

imo the OP has every reason to be concerned when the children are "messing around in the street wrecking things" as that's something everyone could do without and, combined with "even now in the rain they are out there wandering around", the OP is concerned about the children, especially given how young they are out at 8pm...6yr the youngest I think?

Spending their time being aimlessly destructive doesn't sound very good for them. The problem is it's only been 7 days and knowing what to do, if anything, that would be supportive.

2beornot2be · 23/09/2008 11:39

Maybe instead of judging her on here and pretending to be concerned about her children you could pop round and see if she is ok maybe she is having problems if you don't know whats going on how can you judge her. How do you know she is telling the school her kids are sick?

Also if that really is the case the school will be on to her and will deal with it

onager · 23/09/2008 11:56

I doubt the OP will want to befriend her >"not that kind of person"

KatieDD · 23/09/2008 11:58

Why don't you knock the door at 8.30am and say we've come to call for xyz to walk to school, then she'd have to send him.

singyswife · 23/09/2008 12:04

Why dont you phone or write to the school anon and let them know that the kids are out playing then if the woman has depression or wahteevr someone will help her. otoh there is a family that live next to my sil and the kids in that house are NEVER EVER at school. She tells the school she is changing schools then registers them with new schools then tells them she is changing schools and so on so she is never caught. The children are very frequently seen HANGING out the bedroom windows shouting at people as they go past.

VinegarTits · 23/09/2008 12:08

You do sound very judgy, your op is showing an air of dissaproval (which i suspect you frown upon her anyway for being 'that type of person' ) and not genuine concern. She may be having personal problems, the dc might have an embarassing desease so she told you its just a fever, there may have been a bereavement in the family and she cant cope at the moment, you just dont know, if your not willing offer help or show genuine concern then keep your nose out.

justaboutlikeshomebrew · 23/09/2008 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

singyswife · 23/09/2008 12:11

I think you are all being very unfair. I would have genuine concerns if this was happening under my nose too. It's not that op are being nosey or uncaring op has concerns about the childrens wellbeing. I think perhaps a knock on the door 'just to check how the children are as my ds is missing his friend at school' should cover it.

justaboutlikeshomebrew · 23/09/2008 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VinegarTits · 23/09/2008 12:14

'that kind of person' and 'both chain smokers'

So this is not judging someone? tis in my book.