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AIBU?

To be upset with my MIL for refusing to help pay for DS's photos.

43 replies

BabbaMamma · 22/09/2008 13:47

My MIL has absolutely spoilt her great nephew rotten. She buys him everything he could ever need to the point where we don't know what to get him for his birthday as he has everything twice- once at home and once at her house. She talks about him none stop (even DPs nana said she's sick of hearing about the nephew and thinks MIl should try talking about her GS once in a while).

Anyway, she's gone out with her husband a few times this week and got absolutely leathered and got home falling down drunk. She thinks she's really cool for it and kept going on about it.

We entered DS into a cute baby competition thing as we thought the portraits were free nd we couldn't afford to pay to get them done ourselves. Turns out you have to buy the pictures. DS's is absolutely gorgeous- the cutest pictures ever taken of him. But we can't afford to buy them ourselves, so we laid the cards on the table and said we were very embarressed but we'd put to it what would could and we'd be very grtesful if anyone could spare a little towards it.

My mum said of course and put money in. SIL said yes and put money in.

Before we'd even finished our sentences MIl said 'No way, I'm skint, I'm not putting money in'. Yet she was going out all weekend drinking, and she has started buying her great nephews xmas prezzies.

DP was very embarressed as we never ask for anything and it's really obvious that she won't buy anything for DS but she spoils this other kid.

So I asked SIL to come and help me pick which picture to use for the baby competition and MIL got pissed off that I havn't asked her to go.

So I'm really disappointed in her, AND she wants one of the pictures. Which I'll give her anyway as I don't want to be rude, but I think it's cheeky.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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VinegarTits · 22/09/2008 14:06

'and baby competitons are horrible' thats not what the op asked? each to their own ffs

nervousal · 22/09/2008 14:08

no - thats not what the OP asked - but I'm just saying that "baby competitions are horrible". Each to their own ffs.

bellabelly · 22/09/2008 14:09

I think you should allow her to go with you and sil to look at the pics and then she might see how much you like them and what it means to you and then might decide to contribute some money (or at least pay for her own print!).

Octothechildherder · 22/09/2008 14:10

Easy tigers.

Peachy · 22/09/2008 14:10

She has the right to buy what she wans
but is being unreasonable to then get annoyed at not being asked to choose

and I can understand you being hurt at the favouritism- its bad enough 1 gc obver another, but great nephew is odd!

so you're both being a bit unreasonable in very different ways but do not gve her a picture!

ingles2 · 22/09/2008 14:13

it's not about the picture though is it.... OP is bitter and upset by general favouritism. It's not nice of your MIL to do this, but I really wouldn't stoop to her level.

Pinkyminkee · 22/09/2008 14:16

If the photos are expensive I'd just say if people want one they will have to pay towards it, end of.
I get some done when the photographer comes to tumbletots and they are very reasonable (like school photo prices) and I get the package I can afford and give out the little copies.
If people wanted a big print I'd prolly suggest they pay for it.
I wouldn't get the expensive pics at all, personally, but that's just me.
The favouritism thing is the main issue here, I think. But you are not going to change that, I'm afraid . My parents constantly let me down- promising things out of the blue then changing their minds- I just don't ask or expect anymore and it saves the hurt.

ditheringdora · 22/09/2008 14:16

MIL sounds horrid and I would be glad, glad, glad that she doesn't buy your lo stuff so that you'd feel obliged to put up with her.
She sounds very immature and weird, but don't let her taint you. It is her money as people have said and if she wants to p**s it up, then that's up to her.
Be generous and let her come to see the photos if she wants, she'll soon see what she's missing! If not, be proud of your lovely lo and his gorgeous pic.

morningpaper · 22/09/2008 14:18

This isn't really about the photos, it is about your MIL favouring another relative over your child, and it is fair enough for you to be upset about that, although there is nothing you can do about it, so I wouldn't let it annoy you too much, as it is wasted energy.

Re. the photos: you can't afford them, don't buy them. You fell for a marketing scam. Lots of people do, but the clever ones don't buy the photos. Get a digital camera and make your own.

BabbaMamma · 22/09/2008 14:21

oooo and also, just to add to it, there was a cock up with DPs wages and they were a week late so for that week we had no money as we had to use the last of our money to pay that month's rent. We asked MIL for the first and only thing until now, which was for a small pack of nappies, and she said no.

We asked my mum and she said yes, bought DS some nappies and leant us money for the week until we got DPs wage and then we paid he back.

OP posts:

Octothechildherder · 22/09/2008 14:24

When I was at uni I had No money whatsoever one christmas and asked my mum to lend me a couple of quid to get my sister a toekn present and she said no. Nothing has changed. I don't ask for anything and I tell her nothing about what I do spend money on.

Pinkyminkee · 22/09/2008 14:27

babba- that's just like my family- except the inlaws would help, my folks wouldn't.
When I was ill with HG my mum said she would come over to help with DS one day, but rang at about 11ish to say she decided to go shoe shopping instead!

Blu · 22/09/2008 14:27

I agree with MP.

Jux · 22/09/2008 14:27

You are hurt which is not unreasonable. But yabu in that it is her money, she spends it how she wants to.

She is being unreasonable in expecting to get a pic and to come and help you choose it.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 22/09/2008 14:45

ah you poor thing. It's horrible when your child is deemed less favourable that other grandchildren isn't it? I feel bad for you. It is up to MIL what she spends her money on but if she wants an expensive photo of your child, then she can pay.

For those who are criticising the OP's decision to enter her child into the contest, wind yer necks in. She didn't ask about it so you shouldn't feel the need to be vile about her choices. How rude.

lizziemun · 22/09/2008 14:51

I understand that your hurt that she treats her great nephew different to her grandson.

I would tell her you will get her a picture on the understanding that it is her christmas present as you can not afford both. If she moans then tell she well have buy a picture herself when she can afford it.

I would also stop asking her for help, she is never going to help and your and your dh will only keep getting upset.

chipmonkey · 22/09/2008 15:10

YANBU to be annoyed that she wants the picture even though she refuses to pay towards it, particularly when she knows you struggled to pay for the pics.
She sounds like a waste of space tbh but unfortunately you can't choose your MIL!

nametaken · 22/09/2008 15:21

YABU - do you usually ask other people to pay for the things that you want?

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