To think pre schoolers don't need to go to loads of 'activities'

[roseability]

Sorry this is along the same line as another thread

My DS 2.5 does one music group a week that is it. I do also take him swimming, to see friends and we bake/paint at home etc.

He doesn't go to nursery. Should I be doing more? Not trying to paint myself as any kind of mother here, just believe we are too child centred as a society and being at home pottering along with Mum is just fine at this stage.

There just seems to be so much pressure to stimulate, educate and encourage. Whilst this is important to some degree what is parenting about? To create geniuses who are better, stronger, cleverer. Or to trust children as social beings, who given freedom within a secure and loving environment will flourish in their own way and with their own talents/skills.

All depends on you and what you want. I'm a lover of my own company although I did try things when I first became a mum. Toddlers was fine with DD as she was easy, nightmare with DS as DD clung to me like a limpet and I felt like the whole thing was an endurance test.

They both eventually went to Playgroup and Nursery where I didn't stay and loved it. IMO this was enough for them. Life isn't all about toys and fun (sorry to sound like a raving spoilsport ) so I think being at home with me was also good for them. They learn how to do things by participation or by example because they have seen/helped me cook, clean, tidy, do garden, get things at shops, etc. That's all part of growing up too.

I later tried taking DD to ballet class when she was a pre-schooler at nursery five mornings a week but it too was arduous. It was on a Thursday afternoon, she was knackered by this time, I'd have to take DS too, he was a handful and it was always pi**ing rain (refuse to take car such a short distance). Was glad when she said she didn't want to go anymore.

Now she is at P1 and she goes to country dancing after school one day a week and swimming lesson at weekend. DS now at nursery five mornings and one half hour activity during the week. That's it. Sometimes goes to or has others round to play but even then I much prefer just to get in and home and get on with stuff or interact with them myself.

They also need a good 12 hours kip every night, each else they are grumpy as hell thus make me grumpy too so anything else would knock them for six.

They are fine, lovely, happy, confident children with nice manners (most of the time).

when dd1 was small i went to all of this. when i went back to work i signed her up to loads of stuff she could go with her nanny. now i am on mat leave again, dd1 is 2.7 and i just got totally bored of all these groups and activities! as did she, tbh, now when i ask if she wants to go to playgroup she says no...

we do go out a lot, mostly for walks, or the playground, occasionally to the big park etc. lots and lots of playdates. but i am also forcing myself to stay at home some times, as it is i think good for all of us (me, dd1 and dd2) to chill and do nothing much once in a while.

she is going to start nursery next week, for a couple of hours 4 afternoons a week which i think should provide enough stimulaion for her for the time being.

once she is a bit older i will gladly sign her up for ballet or whatever, but for now i think she is too old for toddler groups (boring) and too young for proper classes.

My dd1 (3.2) has started swimming and gymnastics. half an hour each once a week. only because I saw how much energy she had while at the seaside and thought she'll enjoy it.
however I have learnt the hard way that it's okay to stay home and do 'nothing' (painting, colouring, playing with immaginative friends etc) most of the times.

shootfromthehip - brilliant idea. Mine would both be in heaven if they had a large aircraft-hangar sized place to run around in when the weather was shoddy. Add in some shelves to create some aisles and you'll be quids in - dd adores B&Q for the running around opportunities. Bar at the end selling martinis for the mothers, and you'll be retiring to Barbados by the age of 50.

oh and kids should get bored.

I can assure you that taking the children out every day in no way impacts on their opportunities to get bored at home.

[and to deal with that boredom creatively]

Going out each day can help to burn off the excess energy so that when they do get bored at home, they don't have the energy to get into serious mischief and mum can retain a bit of sanity....

snickersnack for us that's a soft play place. I love them! We had a great one locally which we had an annual membership to, but we've moved now. We went at least once, if not twice every week!

Oh the joy of soft play. UNfortunately I don't have one close by. Need to dig a ballpit in garden. Because I'm very middle-class we have a 'summerhouse' in our garden (shed with bigger windows- ha) which I am happy to turn into parents relaxation area eg bar. Feel free to come and play here but only if you bring your own wellies .

Also am very chuffed to here that there are so many sensible people out there who haven't started Cantonese for beginners with their LOs. Good- I was under the impression that school was for structured learning and home was for being moaned at

inmy book going out for walks and wanders is a completely different kettle of fish from groups and classes though- still activity, but spontaneous, unstructured, and most of all... FREE!

had a temptation this morning and enrolled dd1 for a free trial session of ballet this pm. then i took a look at the gorgeous weather and called to cancel... it's off to the park for us!

I love having classes etc, I dont drive and locally apart from the park, theres not much else to do (that I know of yet I suppose in this area) if I didnt go out to things then I would struggle to he honest.

this is interesting cos i noticed recently that my ds1, now age 7, is the only one of his friends who doesn't do some sort of activity every day as well as school (swimming lessons, piano lessons, football club, cubs, languages, tutor etc) and i honestly don't know how people find the time. we come home from school at 4pm, have an hour of mooching around and chatting at home, homework 5-6pm ish, then supper 6-7pm, dp gets home 7pm, we all have an hour together before ds1 goes to bed. where is the time for anythign else?

and no we didn't do much in the way of outside activities pre school either. we did a lot of mooching at home having a nice time together.

Mooching is great. I think there is far too much pressure to cram every single opportunity into your child's life. I know of some kids that do at least 4 activities each every week. I find them quite difficult to entertain and they cannot seem to just be content to be sometimes. It's like they expect activities to keep them amused rather than amusing themselves and complain about being bored. Not terribly imaginative.

dd (4) didin't go anywhere. We tried toddlers a few times but everyone stared at her. Tumbletots refused her and baby signing was too pushy (I thought it was SN)
But she's happy and sociable and has started school just fine.

We did baby signing when DS was under one and couldn't speak and it was great then. I met people, so did he, but it's not for us now... although interested in signing but used it to stop frustration through a phase. Soft play and the park are great at 2yrs.

"I know of some kids that do at least 4 activities each every week. I find them quite difficult to entertain and they cannot seem to just be content to be sometimes. It's like they expect activities to keep them amused rather than amusing themselves and complain about being bored. Not terribly imaginative."

Sorry, but disagree with you on this one. I think the not being able to entertain themselves is down to what goes on at home, and not how many activities a child does. My eldest DD does 4 a week, but when she is not at preschool (now school), her classes or asleep, then she is left to just play. Given that this accounts for 31 hours of her waking week, as opposed to the 3 hours she spends in classes (classes average 45 mins each), then I think what goes on in the home is actually more important. Whilst taking kids to lots of classes may be symptomatic of a parent who can't let a child just play, I don't think it is necessarily a causal relationship. My DD loves her activities, but when she is at home, she is left to entertain herself and just get on with things. Sometimes, I'll just get them a huge box from the local shop that they can climb in and out of, or they'll just play in their playroom for hours on end (and no tv in there either!) but the expectation is that they will get on and play by themselves and they do. That's their nature. I don't think classes change anything. For my DD, a lot of the classes are a space to really run around and let off steam because we haven't got a huge garden.

roseability -you decide what level of activity suitable for your dc and allow others that choice too

one size does not fit all

We moved to a new area when my ds was just a few months old so i went to baby groups to find other mums, get out of the house and stay sane generally. I had no family nearby so i felt i needed the support.

So i got into a routine of going out every day and i think ds started to expect this too, or it suited him i don't know. Anyway we both like to go out in the morning and come back home in the afternoon, he sleeps around 2.

So now my 2.4 year old has an activity/group 4 mornings a week, toddlers/music/gym/2's group. I am now good friends with the mums who have been going along too, it burns off ds' morning energy, means he is not creating havoc at home! (We live in a flat, i'm sure if we had a garden to chuck him into, it would be easier).

so the main point of my burble was that before about 18 months i think it was definitely for my benefit, not his, but from 18 months on he seems to have got more and more from the groups, seeing his wee friends and interacting more and more.

I liked to have something to do with ds every day when I was on maternity leave, and I plan to try and get out lots with the new one on its way. Maybe more for my benefit than his. Don't care about educational content, just whether he gets something out of it.

But if you're in the right place, it doesn't need to be so expensive to go out all the time. We went to 3 free groups and one parent and baby playing in the water thing at the swimming pool which was free - one of those charges £1.50 now because it lost its funding, but still. Two groups were at Children's Centres and the swimming and the other group (now private) were funded through centres.

We still take ds to the park a lot - our local one is very close and has a recently revamped and very good playground, soft play occasionally in crap weather but our local park if it's not raining is so much nicer. We have a fairly small home and a tiny garden which we can't really use as one at the moment, too much of a nasty state

It's fine to take them to lots of activities if (a) they like it and (b) you can afford it and (c) it keeps you sane.

It's also fine to mooch about.

What makes me sad is that I come across mums who feel bad because their children aren't doing TumbleTots/Baby Yoga/mini-French blah blah blah and think that they might be left behind.

We used to do music, because it was fun. But I met a mum that I used to know from music recently who started waxing on about how it had given her child such a solid musical foundation etc etc etc. The child was still only four. I don't honestly think that 30 mins of banging instruments and prancing about is really all that signficiant in the grand scheme of things. And I think some people are suckered into spending lots of money when they'd be better off feeding ducks, climbing trees and mucking about with friends.

We do, erm, almost nothing. I occasionally take my daughter to a playgroup (where I stay with her) but the rest of the time we just hang around at home and go to the swings or to feed the ducks at the river a couple of times a week. She's just two. As she gets older she may well need more stimulation but at the moment she's perfectly happy in the garden pouring water over herself or sitting in a big box in the living room with a ton of soft toys. Her dad looks after her two days a week while I'm at work (I only do 9-3) and my aunt does another day. DH takes her to the swings most days that he is in charge or to a café for lunch (nothing swanky, tuna sandwich and an apple). My aunt usually stays in with her.

Elkat - I drifted a bit there as the kids I was thinking of were aged 7&9 and I am perhaps (wrongly) associating their apparent lack of imagination with the incredible amount of organised activities they do.