To be confused by this birthday card?...

[mamadiva]

So yeah a bit of background bascially, my mum and step dad got married in 2004 he walked out this year in April haven't really had contact with him since, they have 3YO twins together, he was having an affair with someone he met online .

But yes he has been playing games with my mum not coming to see twins etc.

This morning I got a birthday card from him even though my birthday isn't for a month, with £30 in it.

I feel a hypocrite taking it but feel like a bitch giving him it back. He bad mouthed me and my mum to his family without us knowing and that has caused a lot of problems.

Am I being a total cow giving it back and saying thanks for the thought but I don't feel right taking it?

My mum thinks I should but obvioyusly she is biased.

I think it would be better to just have no contact with him whatsoever, or get into any dialogue with him. Just chuck the card in the bin and buy something for the twins with the £30.

Put the £30 into the twins' bank account if they have one, or start a bank account for each of them with the money. Bin the card, and if he ever asks you claim that you never got it.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be confused by it. From what you have said about him playing games this sounds like another sort of game to me.

It's entirely up to you what to do with it though not anyone elses place to say whether sending it back would be the right or wrong thing to do.

Go with your gut instinct and do what you feel is right. If he has bad-mouthed you personally then you have every right to send it back to him imo.

Message withdrawn

I want to do it nicely though if you know what I mean. Because then he can't say anything abd about me because of it I don't want to come across as very ungrateful don't get me wrong he has been nothing but nice to my face which is why its annoying me.

He is coming to my mums tonight, or so he says, and I was just going to hand it to him and say thanks for the thought but I don't feel right that way I'm doing gracefully which will probably annoy him more IYKWIM.

The twins do have accounts I said to my mum I'd give her a tenner each for them and my 13YO brother but she said I'd be better giving it back to him that way he won't think I've took it and let him win.

If he wants to badmouthed you and your family and he has done so in the past then anything you do with this card/money is not going to stop him from doing so. If he wants to find faults with your (or your family's) behaviour then he will. He is doing it to make himself feel good about his own horrible behaviour. Ignoring sounds like your best option.

Give it to charity.

Agree with wahwah. Give it to charity and you have nothing to feel a bitch about. You would'nt be anyway BTW.

Give it back to him.

Maybe he is trying to make amends? Could you not try to thank him (but say you are going to give it to the twins) and see if you can have an adult discussion about what has been happening? YANBU by the way though

NicMac that's kind of what I want to do.

My mum has just had a bit of a shock at the wekend and he is coming up today to see if he can help, he's going to take the twins for few days let my mum get over things a bit.

So maybe he is trying to sort his head out or maybe its just a game because he has done it before its hard to tell.

Like I said face to face Ive nbever had a problem with him but just what his family says.

I'd keep an open mind, it is a nice gesture if it is genuinely meant. Good luck

Thanks all think will keep card as is a nice gesture just dont feel right taking money when he says he's too skint to buy shoes for twins will give him money and say Id feel better if it went to them given what has happened but thank you very m,uch.

Sound okay?

He is going to be in the twins lives for a long time yet so I wouldnt burn any bridges.

Why not say you have given the money to your Mother for the twins shoes as if he is playing games he may not still give it to your mum that way the twins don't lose out