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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

As the Other People's Breastmilk thread has got too big but not finished...

38 replies

TinkerBellesMum · 13/09/2008 17:26

Thanks TikTok for explaining the bottles and dummies thing better.

I was grateful to hear my daughter cry. My first daughter wasn't able to, my second daughter didn't for a long time and when she did she had enough energy to mew like a kitten.

When she was finally able to cry for real I knew that she cried for a reason and I saw to the reason she cried. I never saw her cry as unnecessary. I also didn't see a reason to use (using the full and correct name here) a "dummy tit" when I had a real one attached to my body! Something else I was grateful for as she wasn't strong enough to go on to the breast for a week and 16 days before she could take two a day.

Did I have an easy baby? Absolutely not. My opinion on dummies is not influenced by having an easy baby that didn't need one. It's influenced by facts and the most important fact that I didn't want to stick a gun against my breast and play Russian Roulette.

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StormInanEcup · 13/09/2008 17:29

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memoo · 13/09/2008 17:34

chickenmama,

I also breastfed and I can honestly say that I never felt any sexual feelings!!

I'm really sorry but I find this disturbing.

If breast feeding your child gives you a sexual feeling and "stirings down below" I would have to think very hard about one's reasons for breastfeeding.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Original poster

TinkerBellesMum · 13/09/2008 17:35

Well if anyone does there's a thread here. I didn't want to not put a post in after the last one. I wasn't thinking of writing an OP, just a reply.

I love that phrase too. I remember having a three day nurse in (oh what fun times) and posting on a forum (not this one, I didn't know about it then) and being told I was being used as a human dummy. A dummy "dummy tit". It's like a double negative I think?

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Original poster

TinkerBellesMum · 13/09/2008 17:38

It's not sexual feelings as such, it's just that the same hormones are being released as during sex (and also childbirth and falling in love). Also breastfeeding is going to have some feelings around there because it helps contract your womb back to shape.

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StormInanEcup · 13/09/2008 17:42

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chickenmama · 13/09/2008 17:44

lol, believe me I don't breastfeed because I get 'sexual feelings'. I always thought babies only fed for a few months and thought I'd stop definitely by a year. The ONLY reason I'm still feeding is because my daughter needs it. I've gone from knowing nothing on the subject to strongly believing in letting children self-ween (and if that takes her until she's 5, then fair enough) but that's purely because having my dd has taught me a huge amount and I base all my decisions on meeting her needs.

I understand why you don't get it, as I was the same when my mum said it, but I hope you'll learn from this and not use words like 'disturbing' to judge me/others.

theSuburbanDryad · 13/09/2008 17:46

I very much doubt there are many people who breastfeed solely for the sexual feelings it may arouse.

Certainly I have found it very disturbing in the past and have considered weaning because of it. It's just another red herring in the "You're only doing this for yourself," argument, really.

suey2 · 13/09/2008 17:52

I am not suggesting your children were easy, tbm, just different. My dd was 2.5 weeks overdue, emcs and big and healthy. She cried instantly and was never sleepy. I used the dummy out of desparation on the post natal ward as she was keeping everyone else awake. I had had 2 nights of labour and 2 nights on the PN ward with no sleep. So very different.
Tiktok, yes, I did it all wrong. But it worked for me, and here I am, still going strong

chickenmama · 13/09/2008 18:03

On a slightly different note, does anyone know if the 'breastmilk cures cancer' thing is true? My mum was terminally ill with ovarian cancer when my dd was born, and the only thing that upset/disturbed me about the show was the idea that if I'd have donated her my breastmilk she might have actually lived

StormInanEcup · 13/09/2008 18:05

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theSuburbanDryad · 13/09/2008 18:07

I think it depends largely on the type of cancer, tbh. I don't pretend to be an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but he had prostate cancer and it was the stem cells in the breastmilk which "cured" him.

Original poster

TinkerBellesMum · 13/09/2008 18:11

Correction "your child was easy" my first died at 3 hours.

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StormInanEcup · 13/09/2008 18:11

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StormInanEcup · 13/09/2008 18:13

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Original poster

TinkerBellesMum · 13/09/2008 18:13

Yes, very different.

My first was born at 19+6 (coincidentally today for this pregnancy) and died at 20 weeks (3 hours later) she weighed 320g or 11.25oz.

My second was born at 31 weeks weighing 4.2oz.

I guess size has a lot to do with it?

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tiktok · 13/09/2008 18:14

suey - I really, really did not suggest you 'did it all wrong' now, did I??!

I think it is notable that you used the dummy because of other people being kept awake by your daughter's cries - in that situation, we are more or less forced to consider other people's needs, but a better way for new mothers and babies to be helped would be for enough staff to be available to offer whatever human comfort your baby needed (yes, even skin to skin, by a midwife, or at least constant cuddling and holding) while you rested (given what we know about the possible effect of a dummy on breastfeeding).

suey2 · 13/09/2008 18:29

no tiktok, you didn't . It was not an ideal start, for sure. The postnatal care was bloody terrible. I was told by one mw that my nipples were too small and that I needed nipple shields, (not true) by another that my baby was hungry and thatbi should let them give her formula (I didn't) I had a severe headache for two weeks that was not treated (I thought it was the tiredness from the four nights of no sleep). Once I started with the dummy in hospital I decided to continue. The fact that she was very lively from the outset and very alert made it pretty difficult in the early days. When my pals thought what had hit them when their babies woke up at one month, I was well used to it!

Tbm I am really sorry you lost your baby. I was very lucky to have such a healthy one, I know

chickenmama · 13/09/2008 18:39

thank u Storm, I will read thru that article when dd goes to bed. Part of me is hoping it says breastmilk doesn't work cos ever since I saw that program I've been thinking 'if only...' Totally unrelated to this thread, but I also read a while ago that cancer is linked to candidia/yeast overgrowth and if my mum had been on a totally sugar and refined-products free diet it could have helped save her. So that's two things now I wish I could turn back time and try for her. I just have to think like you said, I didn't know about these things at the time. And maybe they wouldn't have worked anyway...

But wouldn't it be a fab way of promoting bfing if it was actually proven to cure cancer

StormInanEcup · 13/09/2008 18:49

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Original poster

TinkerBellesMum · 13/09/2008 19:46

No need to be sorry, obviously at the moment I'm just feeling a little tender about things. It's not your problem.

One of the things that made me want to be a Buddy was that I had a difficult start with but had fantastic support where someone who had an easy start but not so good support I felt I wanted to give something back.

I think tiktok has explained that well. On the transition ward (which wasn't an open ward, it was all private rooms, but still) if mum was having problems settling baby (for example for some reason Tink went through a period of hating me being in the room with her) then they would take baby into the nursery and settle them. The hospital has a very strict policy on dummies and breastfed babies. Of course it's mum's choice but they do discourage it and if mum has said she doesn't want to go there they stick to it and encourage her to.

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harpsichordcarrier · 13/09/2008 19:54

memoo, it is perfectly normal for women to get good feelings when bf.
bf releases oxytocin, which is the same hormone as released during orgasm.
the evolutionary explanation being that women would want to bf because it felt pleasurable.
this is not the same as bf being "sexual" - that is an overly simplistic explanation

sillybigsausage · 13/09/2008 20:59

Meemo yes I have (though sadly not for a long time - far too tired) - why should sexual feelings be disturbing????

Chickens explanation is very sound. Nature makes BF peasurable on so may levels, so that the human race continues to feed its young and thus doesn't die out

Why should esomeone experiencing sexual feelings be disturbing? What chicken says is a commonly known fact

Sex is rally and truly not a sin you know LOL!!!

PukuHula · 13/09/2008 21:09

TBM, sorry if I was arsey and really sorry to hear about your first child. It is such an emotive issue I guess, and we all are in the same boat and trying to do the best for our baby. I have to admit that rightly or wrongly I feel uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding a school-age child but I am giving serios thought now to breastfeeding past my original 6 month goal.

ethanchristopher · 13/09/2008 21:17

did you know that dolphins are the only other mammal to have sex for pleasure

how unrelated to everything on here

ChacunaSonGout · 13/09/2008 21:17

ethan - no voles do

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