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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For wanting to make a complaint to the school?

42 replies

MrsSnape · 12/09/2008 14:19

I've just had a call from the school. DS2 is in a bit of state after being caught trying to make himself sick

Basically what's happened is, during lunch time another kid picked something up from DS's plate to "look at it". DS is VERY touchy about this stuff and refused to eat anymore because it had germs all over it.

The dinner lady then told him to eat it and he said "No because ** touched it" so she told him to stop being ridiculous and eat it otherwise he'd be having no pudding DS then said "I won't have anything else then" and so the dinner lady shouted at him to 'stop being cheeky (???) and if he didn't eat it she would take him to the head mistress.

DS got upset and asked the kid in question to show him where he'd put his fingers so he could eat around it. The dinner lady heard him and told him off again (by the sounds of it, winding herself up on purpose) and in the end DS reluctantly ate his lunch. They then caught him trying to throw up in the toilet and told him off again!

I'm so annoyed that

a) some kid has not been taught not to touch other people's food
b) the stupid dinner lady forced him to eat it despite knowing someone had touched it and
c) they told him off for being sick!?!

I am thinking of making an apointment with the head, am I over-reacting?

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 12/09/2008 16:03

I don't think touching another person's food is that bad. but sounds like your son was dealt with very insensitively. as an OCD sufferer I feel that the germ fixation/trying to make himself sick and the toilet seat phobia are ringing alarm bells, and are worth following up with whoever has been assessing him for ADHD.

pointydog · 12/09/2008 16:04

Agree with blu. The school needs to know about how severe this germ phobia thing is.

herbietea · 12/09/2008 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AbbeyA · 12/09/2008 16:21

I am was assuming that it was a school dinner, as not getting pudding was mentioned. I wouldn't mind someone picking up something from my packed lunch (although I would rather they didn't) but I would find it very off putting if someone picked up part of my cooked meal 'to have a look' and put it back! If that was the case, I'm not surprised that he didn't want to eat it-I don't think it shows germ phobia.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/09/2008 16:23

But he tried to make himself sick afterwards. That isn't just not wanting to eat it. Sorry if I sounded like I was being OTT. It just sounded like an extreme reaction.

AbbeyA · 12/09/2008 16:33

I suppose it is a bit extreme to make himself sick but I can see why he was getting upset.

nooka · 12/09/2008 16:47

I expect the other kid was winding him up, and he was upset and the intevention fom the dinner lady escalated things. But unless she knew that he had such an extreme phobia then it could be one of those things where his behaviour would be seen as very defiant. I would go in and talk to the school, as they need to know there is a significant issue here.

I would really worry if one of my children had such big issues about hygiene - have you told the team who are doing the ADHD assessment about his issues? My ds has recently started to make a fuss about germs and I have squished this as firmly as possible because I think it is a misplaced fear (germs are actually on the whole beneficial and in fact neccessary) and these sort of issues can also be very difficult to live with.

CoffeeCrazedMama · 12/09/2008 17:39

YANBU - the dinner lady needs to be sensitive to the needs of all the children in her care, not just one who might or might not have 'issues'.

And for what its worth, Mrs S, at that age none of mine would have wanted to eat something another child had touched (neither would I now!). I would be revolted myself if they said someone had touched their food and they had had to eat it.

Perhaps the making himself sick bit was a direct result of the 'conflict escalation' in the dinner hall (nice one dinner lady) and not something for you to worry about with him, but definitely a reason to complain to school.

edam · 12/09/2008 17:39

poor ds. I have horrible memories of very nasty dinner ladies from my own school-days.

Lowfat · 12/09/2008 17:53

Your poor DS - what a horrid dinner lady - I thought they were all supposed to be nice

I too am like you DS when it come to eating I was the kid who always refused to swap sandwiches at school and could not stand to sit with people who talked while they ate or ate with mouths open (baulk)

Even now I dont do buffetts unless I am first round and being self concious of my weight that never happens as I dont want to be taken for a greedy heffer!

And as for making himself sick, I often wretch when I recall something I have witnessed which I fell to be revolting, such as open mouth eating.

YANBU at all, regardless of whether the school knows of your DS issues or not the dinner lady had no right to bully a child in to eating. It's the whole 'clear your plate' issue all over again but from a different stand point.

I would be interested to hear how you get on.

lollipopmother · 12/09/2008 18:16

I'm sorry to say it, but that doesn't sound like a normal reaction to have. Ok so maybe he doesn't want to eat it once someone has had their hands on it, but to make yourself sick over it is not right at all, not at such a young young age. I don't really think that labelling the dinner lady 'horrible' is what is called for - children don't tend to have such adverse reactions to someone touching a bit of food.

Where has he got the phobia of germs from? I'm surprised someone that young has any real concept of germs - surely he was eating worms out of the garden not that long ago??

Yanda · 12/09/2008 20:16

YANBU, nobody should be made to eat something they don't want to. I wouldn't be keen on eating something someone had stuck their fingers in either. She was being a bully.

MargeSimpsonMyAlterEgo · 12/09/2008 20:25

YABU. Your DS clearly has problems that need sorting out. Weeing with the seat down and getting it everywhere - what is that all about? Who is supposed to clean that up at school? What about the other children who have to use the toilets? He can't go through life like this, and the older he gets, the less support he will receive. When he starts secondary school no-one is going to give a monkey's, and then you'll be in trouble.

cornsilk · 12/09/2008 20:27

Blimey what is it about dinner ladies? I'm sure most of them are nice but there seem to be a minority who see it as their mission to squash children into submission. No offence if you are a dinner lady (but my ds wouldn't go to school this week 'cos he was so terrified of a dinner lady.) It's ridiculous. Teachers wouldn't be allowed to behave that way, neither should dinner ladies.

ShyBaby · 12/09/2008 20:43

Mrs snape. I dont think your son is the problem.

How many here would sit and eat your meal in a restaurant if some random stranger had walked up to you and picked up something from your plate? Would you really still eat it?

If not, then why should a child be expected to?

mumto2andnomore · 12/09/2008 21:01

The dinner lady does sound harsh but if he was my child I would be more worried about his behaviour than hers to be honest, sounds like he has a lot of problems and needs help.

ShyBaby · 12/09/2008 21:03

Thinking about it. My stepmum would force me to eat things I couldn't stomach. She thought I was just being picky, I wasn't. I like most things now but when I was little I remember onions for example burning my throat.

She would make me eat them, I couldn't leave the table until I did, even if it took hours. Then I would feel really sick afterwards. She smacked me once because of it. My mum drove up there one night and had erm.."words" with her .

yanbu.

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