To get irritated by DD when she 'decides' she's going to someone elses house for tea when I pick her up?

[CameraFace]

I have just been to pick DD (aged 9) up from school. It's a good 20 minute walk.

Anyway when I got there she came strutting out and said "I'm going to Molly's for tea, that ok?" she's done this quite a lot and it means me having to walk all the way home on my own after a completely pointless journey to school.

Anyway today I snapped at her and said "No its not ok, I've walked all this way to pick you up so you're coming home with me. I've told you before to arrange these things properly". I also told her that she wouldn't ever be going to anyones house after school again unless she'd checked with me the morning before so that I knew not to pick her up.

I then stormed off with her crying and whinging that she'd already told her friend she would go.

AIBU?

YANBU

dont you get off dinner duty though?have a rest while shes there?

it is not ok.. and what about the other mother , who suddenly has an extra child to look after and feed

you are NBU, it is not ok for her just to decide, and if she wants to make proper arrangements, that is fine, but not just spur of the moment.

YANBU

YANBU I wouldn't be happy if I was the other Mum being landed with one extra at such short notice.

YANBU.

YANBU you are the mother and she is the child - for now You may have made plans or other arrangements and as you say these things need to be organised properly. The other mother may have been put on the spot and not know how to say no without seeming rude.

better to arrange these things over the phone or with a days warning so everyone concerned knows what is happening.

My DD would only make arrangements without notice once because i would NEVER let her go.

It is rude and inconsiderate.

YANBU

yanbu

if she walked home herself then maybe not

but when youve walked there then she shouldnt do that

ya def nbu

yanbu and I have done the same in the past.

and it would be doubly unreasonable if she decided that if she walked by herself - you'd be at home wondering why she'd not turned up

Message withdrawn

We had an agreement with our lot that it needed to be arranged in advance, no later than drop off in the morning, after a few incidents similar to yours.YANBU at all.

I used to do this to my mum when I was young (though younger than your DD)- I didn't really understand what the problem was then.... maybe she needs to know why it's unacceptable.
As a mum, I now know YANBU!

YANBU, you have told her before that she needs to give you prior warning and she didn't. You are the mother and therefore you make the rules. I would suspect that her friends mother is also grateful that you have put your foot down.

You are the adult and she is the child. You just say "no, that's not acceptable. You make arrangements in advance." Or if you are feeling amenable, you say, "not tonight, but how about tomorrow?". You certainly don't give in to her!

(FWIW, I speak from experience. I used to do just this as a child (though usually it consisted of me arriving home with another child in tow), and though my mum used to bitch about it she never actually stopped me. So of course I just took this as a green light to carry on!)

Unless you say no, consistently, every time she does this, she will carry on. You make the rules!

YANBU, Perhaps you should have never let it go though, but it's never too late to say no!!