to want to call the police or some authority, really need some advice please, long one sorry

[lilysmummy2007]

Ok, this is a very sensitive subject and really need any advice. My good friend and neighbour has 2 sons one 18mths and one almost 5 who is autistic. she seem to be doing a decent job as she is struggling along with no support from either of the kids dads and seems to be coping, and i always try my best to help her out when i can be it taking the kids for a few hours so she can have a rest or cooking them dinner once a week or so. about 2 months ago the younger boys dad who she says is just a nuisance and abuses her and has hit the kids in the past started coming around again. he kicked her door in when she wouldnt open it, she turned up at my doorstep several times in tears and once with the nastiest black bruise on her face asking me to help her cover it up with makeup,and numerous other bruises, one so huge it was on her entire breast as he punched her directly on her chest when she came home late.ever since he has been coming round she has turned up fearing for her life and literally scared to go to her house sometimes in case he s there. i gave her a new lock and he kicked it in as well.Her door is destroyed and she now shuts it with a chair lodged against it. She says he smokes crack and is suffering from depression and has a warrant out for his arrest which is why he hides out at her house. the kids have also had bruises and scratches and the younger boy has fallen down a flight of stairs{concrete} whilst with the man. i have begged her to call the police but she says her kids were already on the child protection list and were recently taken of itso she is scared if she she calls the police they would take the kids away.she also uses the fact that he has some naughty videos of them together as an excuse to not phone the police when the man is abusing her and the kids as he threathens to put it on the internet. So AIBU want to tell her that having her fanny on the internet is better than this man abusing you and your kids, and that the police etc would not take her kids but try to protect her from him. if she wants to stay and be beaten up its her call, she has a choice, but i'm really worried that he will cause serious damage to the kids or even kill one of them in anger as she has told me he has choked her till she was unconcious while she was pregnant. I keep thinking about that little angel kelsey briggs the baby that was killed by her stepdad and im really torn as to what to do as she doesnt want to do anything so i dont think its my place to but the kids have no choice in the matter, please help!

I applaud you - I know, from experience, you have done the right thing. Well done.

KVC, she might not press charges against the man, but the police can press charges themselves for other things. Also (and this is one that gets me headbanging a lot on MN) if you call Social Services they will ring the police. You can't involve one without the other.

I would be ringing the police every time he kicks off. We had a neighbour that would beat his wife when he was drunk (most of the time TBH) and threw her down the stairs quite often (and we had BIG stairs!) we would only have to say to the 999 operator "Fred's at it again" and they would know who and where we were! The police would be there within the minute (we did have a station at the end of the road though!) I was staying at my parents last week and was woken at 4am by the opposite neighbours fighting in the street, they had three very young preschool/infants children in the street with them. When I saw him hit her I woke my parents to call the police. I've done it when I've heard DV in my flat. Never ignore it, especially when there's children involved.

Sorry, I meant it as two separate paragraphs, I wasn't saying the second one to you

I've got a couple of forums going at once and wasn't thinking about what I was writing

Thank goodness there are people like you in the world lilysmummy2007. Well done for phoning.

Hopefully she will get the help she needs.

right, the police have been round with 2 officers from the SS and they have taken her and the kids to a shelter a few minutes away and are now monitoring my block as he was not in when they came. they hope that he crawls in tonight and then they can arrest him. Also she lied to me about the warrant, its not only armed robbery its also GBH/assault where he and another man beat up a shopkeeper really bad and robbed him a few months back, which is why he has been hiding here. A lady from SS rang and told me that the boys had quite a few bruises and the elder had a busted lip, and if i had witnessed it, and that my friend is still saying they may have gotten them when the kids were roughhousing with him!! the officer from the SS doesnt believe her anyways as the bruises are old and new. i will ring her tommorow and see how its going, thank you all very much for your support and giving me the courage to do it

lilysmummy - your friend isn't thinking clearly at the moment - if you saw her putting herself or her children at risk in any other way, say, about to jump off a high ledge, you wouldn't dream of hesitating, you'd get right in there. This isn't much different.

You have done the right thing, completely. She will understand that you had her children's (and her own) best interests at heart when the dust settles.

thanks thumbwitch, i hope so too.