about a whole load of things

[HusbandOfTheYear2008]

It started off a lovely Sunday morning. DD1 had a sleepover at grandma's last night so only DD2 to look after. She's having a long sleep so why not nip to Starbuck's for breakfast? Yumm, muffins and all that for a treat brekky.

Then idiot boy here makes some stupid comment about how my DW doesn't finish things she's started (or something equally throwaway and stupid):

DW: "I'll just put these things down here and finish them later."

Me: "Humph" (or some equally dismissive noise)

So, long story short, she kicks off about my "attitude" and huffs away. I stay away for a bit while she stomps around upstairs muttering to herself. When it's a bit quieter upstairs, I go up and apologise. I was in the wrong. It was dumb thing to do. Especially as she currently has her monthly friend visiting. So, I'm sorry and I've said I'm sorry.

It's about lunchtime, so half the morning is ruined with this atmosphere between us. I'm thinking that I've apologised and maybe we can enjoy the rest of a Sunday.

But no, Mrs. Martyr won't let it go. So, ffor the rest of the day (and even as I type), it's quite clear that I'm in the doghouse. I tried to pick up DD2 earlier as she was a bit fussy, but no - she was taken away with some muttering about,"I'll do it". With the clear undertone of, "since I don't DO ANYTHING AROUND HERE".

Now let's be clear, that's not what I said. I said you don't finish things you've started. Not that you don't do anything. You do lots my darling and I appreciate all of it.

Anyway, I'm still in the sh!thouse despite numerous attempts at getting myself out.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I go outside and publicly flog myself as punishment for my crime? Anything would be better than being treated like this. Frankly, it pisses me off. I'm treated like crap for almost the whole day for one stupid comment for which I APOLOGISED! My Sunday ruined. My time with my kids ruined. Bollocks to it all.

I'm venting.

vent away, sounds like most days in my household....

Laughing (in sympathy) as I read, It's a scene repeated up and down the land. I am so your DW!! You do know that the whole time you were "waiting for it to go quiet" she was thinking up ways to kill you don't you?????

Oh dear oh dear you have been v naughty. It nothing serious and as you say she is having her monthly friend visit. This turns me into a monster that even I dnt recognise and makes me very unreasonable and ratty. Just leave her be. You dont deserve to be punished anymoretho. Just stay out of her way and im sure she will come round.

PS. Keep one eye open tonight as you sleep!!!

Tee-hee.

Ditch the monthly friend. Three's a crowd.

lol @ shattered's comment!

Sorry!

And what Dittany said...

I suspect your comment was the trigger she was waiting for to let rip about lots of frustrations in her own life.

Rather than keep apologising and getting kicked, say 'what can I do to help?' or 'shall I get some wine and we can talk?'

Please tell me you didn't say that you were wrong, and it was dumb especially with monthly friend.

YOU can Never EVER blame hormones.

SHE can. You must not. If you do, then you will live in hell until hormones have passed.

dittany - oh how I wish your comment about PMS happening before periods are due and not during was true..........I would be a much nicer person to be around for the time if it was......

Thanks for comments.

Dittany may have a good point about being sorry that she's angry with me, not because I've hurt her. This has made me think. I will think some more and try to talk to DW.

Re: PMS - HA! If only it was only before the period!

Janni - I've tried a few different approaches, maybe just "can we talk" is my next step.

The name is ironic. Don't feel like Husband of the Year today.

Seriously though, is this kind of thing so widespread? We rarely argue and never go to sleep on an argument (well, maybe once and it was probably my fault then as well). I guess I'm just not used to the atmosphere.

YANBU but you know that you will never be in the right don't you?

You've tried "Sorry", if I were you I'd try flowers and/or choccie next

Are you my dp?? had a wee giggle as i recognised myself, surely it's a woman's perogative to sulk for britain long after the cause has been forgotten?!

lmao at Dittany ...you didn't think that (that he meant a rl friend....lol)...

and, in this point I have to disagree with you...I tend to be at my worst and most nasty when I am having my period....

Ok Husband...

you "Harumphed" at her when she said she would finish it later...
Do you normally harumph alot, or were you in a bad mood, and the "harumph" was the last straw....

OR

Have you been getting at her lots for not finishing things?

OR

It is often VERY hard to finish things with kids underfoot - Some days I would LOVE the luxury of just being able to FINISH something...do you help out lots?

Has she been feeling bad about it?

Just wondering...

OK, we talked and the world is a little less bleak tonight. I think I can sleep with both eyes closed.

Purpleduck asks some very good questions. I have some soul searching to do about my behaviour.

Perhaps I harumph a little too often. And perhaps I should ask how she feels a bit more.

And perhaps I need to buy flowers and chocolates tomorrow.

Just watched wife swap too, which shines a bright light on some of the things you could do better - not just appreciate her, but show her how much you appreciate her. Pass me the sick bag.

The last one was pretty much what she said. I do help out lots, but her life is dictated by a breastfeeding 9 week old DD2 and mine is dictated by a very flexible job, so not really dictated at all.

Hmm, this has been a very helpful experience. Thanks. I read some of the other threads (LOVE AIBU!) and people seem to get flamed and all sorts - maybe you just pick on other women? Seriously though, the thread about P&C parking almost required UN peacekeepers.

So maybe I'm the runner up in HusbandOfTheYear2008...

Ooh, I just understood TechWhoBreaksThings question...

NO WAY! I do not have a death wish.

I may be dumb but I'm not stupid enough to mention the time of the month, let alone suggest it might be a factor in anything.

I value my testicles far too much to do that.

she has a 9 week old?????????????????????? no wonder nothing gets finished!!!! jesus she is doing fantastically well to do ANYTHING!!!

WE have a 9 week old...

And yes, you're right

Well done for being humble and brave enough to ask a bunch of fishwives like us for advice

Seriously, the best thing I EVER taught my husband were the words 'What can I do to help?'

Second mms - a nine-week old is a full Get-Out-of-Jail-card for pretty much starting anything, never mind finishing! But your thoughtfulness and reflectiveness and talking all score high. Now promise you will Never use the words "Mrs Martyr" again, and you can stand behind DH in the Husband of the Year line.

well yes-it is your baby too-but i said SHE as she is the one still recovering from growing it inside her for 9 months and then giving birth to it-oh and then breastfeeding it.

i know you are a good husband but i'm sure you didn't actually do any of THOSE things did you?