To be annoyed with my dss (12) for "treating the house like a hotel"?

[BitOfFun]

Ridiculous I know, but I find myself thinking of this phrase now, and I thought it was just for OLD people!

My DP's son stays over (houses only 5 mins apart) 2 or 3 nights a week. Sometimes he comes after tea, sometimes before, but as long as I know which then I don't mind. What I DO mind is him rocking up at eight or so after we've all eaten and saying he's hungry because he's been playing out with his mates and missed a meal. He never answers or even takes out his mobile phone (grr), and doesn't seem to think of letting us or his mum know what he's up to.

I hate feeling like a short-order chef, and even though my DP happily goes off to make him something, I can't help but feel irritated - he's getting treated like a slave, but he doesn't seem to mind...If dss said something like "Can I make myself some cheese on toast?" it wouldn't bother me at all - it's the expectation of being waited on that really rankles.

I find myself thinking things like "What did your last slave die of?" and "You've got legs haven't you, so use 'em!"

So AIBU, or have I really turned into a middle-aged fart?

Ask him if he'd like to try making cheese on toast himself and offer to show him how (or dp). 12 yr olds can get quite a thrill from making their own food. Then you don't need to bother.

But this thread sounds like it will split into those who think you should lick him into shape and those who don't mind an easy-oasy way of rubbing along.

Depends what your own preference is.

I think like Noddy. He is nearly a teenager, and this is what they do.

If my ds comes in after tea, he gets his own. He's 14 now, but at 12 he wasn't quite ready to get it himself. He is now though.

Give it time

The best thing that ever happened for dsd was her mum, her dad and I all starting to talk so that she couldn't play us off against each other.

If dsd lived near enough to us she'd always be welcome. If she turned up after we'd eaten and it was a one-off I'd make her something, but if she was doing it on a regular basis - I'd be leaving her to make herself a sandwich or something.

I think you're very wise too to stay out of it - if his mum and dad are both Ok with him being out and about, there is nothing you can or should do. But you can set some boundaries around the bit that affects you and that's feeling like you're a short-order chef. If you don't want to cook for him don't - you aren't being unreasonable to not want to.