Can we have a little chat about judging please

[Kimi]

Ok I have been a mumsnetter for over 5 years and I tell it like it is, I have not made many friends as I am blunt, outspoken and to the point.

I have looked at many things from a different point of view since being here and I have learnt a lot and I am thankful to all the lovely people who have shared my point of view and to all the lovely people who have made me stop and think about things from a point of view I never thought of before.

The reason I love mumsnet is because not everyone is the same and it really has made me a better person and a better parent.

But I do get fed up with the whole "your judging" thing.

OK till I have walked a mile in someone else's shoes it may be hard to understand their point but sometimes just sometimes it is ok to make an observation and it is fact not judging.

If you see someone beating a child you don't need to know why to know it is wrong, and to say it is wrong is not judging it it stating fact.
Yes we all look at thinks from our own point of view, but to say something is wrong, is ok and a lot of the time open to debate, not just called judging.

Thats it really

Kimi.

He's a scumbag, for sure.

But I hate the way the press (particularly The Sun) is using him to sell papers.

I wish they would donate the fees of the photographers they are paying to follow him to the police or SS to let them monitor the many thousands of men like him who are probably living in our streets.

My boys are clean, well fed and not wanting for anything, no one hits them, fiddles with them or calls them names.
They are given a lot of stuff, They are brought to line if they play up, the rules are the rules they do not change. They have been exposed to fruit shoots, haribo and god forbid greggs sausage rolls.
They have had smacked bums for sticking things in plug sockets and they know I will test that butt if they step out of line.
They are told every day I love them and they are shown I love them.
I am not the best parent in the world and I am a work in progress, but I have two boys who know right from wrong, one of whom gave £30 pocket money to children in need because he saw children picking shit out of rubbish dumps for food, My children are better then I am, and I take no credit for that,.
I am proud of my children, but I have never said I am a good parent, Like everyone else I am learning every day

Elasticwoman, your father's comment hits the heart of the issue. "use your judgement" is what we all need to do to try to get through life in the happiest, healthiest least harmful to others way and I think that way of thinking is being eroded by the mantra there now is "You mustn't judge".

Of course it is no good to leap to judgement without thought or consideration because that is prejudice.

But in many situation judgement is needed and necessary but I tihnk some people are now too frightened to hold an opinion, even.

Thanks for that, Gloria. My thoughts entirely.

You see I wonder if we all judge (just because we have our own beliefs and values) and the important is in recognising that they are ONLY our opinions, rather than fact.

Mumsnet has really opened some new (and sometimes, IMO, controversial opinions to me!)

But only IN MY OPINION. I am shaped by 30 years of my life and all the people in RL around me, and now on mumsnet too.

Judgement and discrimination are two of our most important tools in life actually, IMO

It's a shame the words have been appropriated to mean prejudice, and discrimination against others, because that's not what they mean at all. If we use our judgement (eg our 'common sense') and our discrimination (eg using our brain to think through situations based on previous knowledge or experience) then we can't go far wrong in life

I think sometimes yes judgement becomes prejudice but it doesn't always, and we don't have to be frightened of the word.

I think that we all make judgements, it is human nature. If you meet someone new you automatically make instant judgements within a few seconds. You may be wrong; some of my best friends are people that I never imagined would be friends. There are very few threads where everyone is in agreement and then you often find it was a troll that set it off!
I think the diversity of views is wonderful, after all you never have to act on them!
I have actually changed my mind on some occasions and it at least sometimes makes you stop and think.
I get very sad when people typecast you in what you are going to say or say that your views aren't welcome because they differ from the majority. Even worse are those that then say that they shouldn't have posted on a public board, this is because they don't want any criticism. If you are happy with your views it really shouldn't matter.
Some threads are a no no ,I wouldn't make any comment about SAHM v WOHM it causes WW3-I don't know why women are so hard on other women!!