in thinking that this is not in fact a compliment but rather a backhanded dig?

[joshandjamie]

We've just spent two weeks on holiday with friends who have children the same age as ours. Several times during the course of the holiday, our friends said to me with regard to my children's behaviour:

"You have the patience of a saint. I don't think I could deal with them without losing the plot."

That's not being complimentary right?

I think you need to sort these issues out before you go away or just be a bit more relaxed when on holiday

I visit a friend who is more easy going with her kids than I am and is also more liberal with her use of sweets and in between meal snacks I let mine have them when we are there as I know it is only for a short time

i agree with cod though holidays = fizzy drinks and too much ice cream

this is why hell will freeze over before I would go on holiday with friends and their children.....

that must have been hard, my DD knows that some parents have different rules, but I would find it hard to not let her have fizzy drink etc if other children were allowed...

I think I would have given in (to a degree) for 2 weeks, but explained that as soon as you got back home that your rules stood and that was final!..

And as you rightly said, it wasn't a compliment!....

Sorry for disappearing, was off dealing with my 'awful' children.

The problem actually was that at the start of the holiday, they made several comments about how it's holidays, that standards can be relaxed, more treats etc when we said no to the ongoing flow of sweets, biscuits and fizzy pop (we were happy for our kids to have organina but there's no way they're going to get Coke - they're only 4 and almost 3).

And although I had relaxed things - our kids were going to bed an hour to an hour and a half later than normal - I thought, fine, let's go with it and give them more treats and follow the other couple's lead.

But I also know that with excessive sugar/junk, my kids' behaviour gets worse. And they also quickly come to nag for everything because they think that's the order of the day. So the minute I went with their more relaxed flow, my kids started to play up slightly more and then the other couple kept making comments about their lack of discipline and how I must have such patience to put up with it.

I felt completely confused as to what they were expecting - relaxed free for all or being tougher on them.

At one point the husband yelled incredibly angrily at my son who was having a tantrum because he wasn't allowed an ice cream. Why was he having a tantrum? Because the day before everyone had been allowed ice creams but on this day the other couple decided that the kids were having too many treats so said no. Their kids didn't put up a fuss. Mine did. I've never been so embarrassed (and angry) in my life.

I think lesson learnt - don't holiday with friends. Or at least make sure you stay in different houses that are in the same complex so that you each have your own house rules and space.

I've recently been on holiday with a friend - it went really well (I think?) - stayed in a caravan with her and her DS with my 3 DS's - would do it again.......

Gosh I wish I was one of those folk who could go on holiday with others but I like my own space and my own rules too much.

Even having my best friend to stay for 5 days, in my own house was testing me.

Bit of an antisocial hermit me

How old are her kids?

"So for example, when our children weren't allowed coca cola, they unsurprisingly had a tantrum because our friend's children were allowed it. And when my oldest son decides to have a tantrum, he doesn't hold back. But equally, in his eyes, it was pretty unfair.*

That's beacuse it was bloody unfair! Surley on holiday you could have just gone with the flow! When we have been on holiday or even just out for the day - we lwt our DC have what our friend's kids are having even if they are not normally allowed.

my mil said the same thing to me 'you have much more patience than me, i'd have given her a smack before now' my dd was 2.4 at the time and away from home for the first time, of course she was playing up. But then we are all more used to our dc's awful behaviour little quirks than than others are!

sorry old thing - they mean your children are really badly behaved - what were they doing?

Yes HSM, good idea in principal but as the op has stated, give them an inch and they'll take a mile. One sip of coke is a very slippery slope

earlyriser,

It's a holiday! Live a little - have coke be hyper!

Going on holiday with family or friends who also have kids is a big no no. I know this from experience.

dunno. did a holiday with 2 friends and their children this year. was great. the answer is a) to have a preholiday summit to work out where the flashpoints are and b) to be the slack parents tbh - go on holiday with stricter people so they have the hard work of trying to maintain their standards while you undermine them

having said that, the others i went on holiday with don't seem to have rung since....

differentID, her children are exactly three months younger than our two. We both have two boys.

They were having a dig. What did you say to the dad when he shouted at your ds? Cheeky blighter.

People have said this to me I thought it was a compliment [sucked right in expression] Maybe my DS is just too much for them.

Iv said this to my friend, and tbh, never thought it was meant as an insult about her/her children.
I'll think twice next time!
Also, re the Coke, i too wouldnt have let them have it, your dc's are two and four, yes? yanbu.
My ds1 is 3 and a half, and hasnt had a fizzy drink. I maybe would have bought myself one, and let him have a couple of sips?

I agree that, on hols, things like bedtimes and strict food rules can be relaxed - that's what hols are all about. But coke for under 5s? No way!!

Oh, and Her husband shouted at your dc??
wtf?
do you have a dp/dh that was there? what did he say?
You should have shouted, or at least told him not to do it when their ds bit your dc if they think its appropriate to do it to you!

my DH had to leave the holiday early to get back to a big business meeting. I think the husband thought by shouting at my children, he was 'helping to make up for the lack of male influence which my children obviously needed' - or at least that's how I interpreted it. I said nothing, just went up to my room and had a 30 minute time out so that I didn't throttle him.

When their child bit, I did say in a very stern voice: you do not bite. Certainly loud enough for the parents to hear. But little was done and I didn't want to be the one disciplining their child. I did make the point to the mum that although all children go through a biting phase, they need to learn that it's not on. The response was: I know, but I just can't stay cross with him. He's so cute that I end up laughing.

I wanted to say: yes, I really feel like laughing when I count the number of bite marks all over my son's body.

They eventually (after a week) did finally tell their son in no uncertain terms that he shouldn't bit - and lo and behold, the biting stopped (well for two days anyway).

more then welcome to borrow my children next time, after two weeks with them your friends will sell her soul to satan to go away with yours again, oh and mine bite back