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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with what my sahm friend just said to me

55 replies

nowwearefour · 28/08/2008 14:57

i work part time. 2 days per week. my friend just rang. dd2 asleep. when dd2 asleep i try to o something nice and fun with dd1. today we were making a cake. so friend rang when we were mixing cake up. she asked what i was doing. i told her. she said i think it is wonderful you working mums all seem to feel guilty and do more fun things with your kids than us sahms. [hmmm]. wtf??? just because she doenst bake cakes doesnt mean i do because i feel guilty!!!! i am a tad narked. of course i will forget it in 10 mins just got me a bit that she feels superior or something....

OP posts:

CuckooSplodgeandTubs · 28/08/2008 15:13

That doesn't seem all that terribly awful tbh.

FluffyMummy123 · 28/08/2008 15:13

Message withdrawn

andiem · 28/08/2008 15:13

I did an easter egg hunt once would that count I was working at the time

2beornot2be · 28/08/2008 15:18

Why should you feel guilty about going to work??? I work full time and my DC's benefit from this as I can afford to live. My friend is a SAHM by the 2nd week of the school holiday's she was phoning me complaining about having her DC's at home all day she was very fed up and when I am around there with my children all she doe's is shout at her kids for the slightest things My dc's get confused as to why she shouts all the time and I don't. Not that I am saying SAHM are all the same

FluffyMummy123 · 28/08/2008 15:19

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 28/08/2008 15:21

I'm a SAHM and rarely bake tbh, I never play maracas or sing frere jacques, I just try to survive without throwing them out of the window from one quiet moent to the next.

CashmereKate · 28/08/2008 15:21

I love baking. There is an end result.

Hide and seek is pointless and boring.

VictorianSqualor · 28/08/2008 15:22

Oh actually, I'm a SOHM apparently, but oh well.

bagofhammers · 28/08/2008 15:25

I'm a SAHM and I bake, Just not with the dcs. I whip them with a teatowel and shout 'get out of my kitchen'

3andnomore · 28/08/2008 15:28

yanbu....why would you feel guilty, and why would that be a reason to bake cakes?

I am a sahm and we bake a fair bit...basically because it is something I enjoy , lol

TheProvincialLady · 28/08/2008 15:30

Oh some of my SAHM friends makes such a flipping show of being A Good Mum. You can't even eat cake at their house without someone singing the wheels on the bus with all the actions. I am a SAHM too but I am not a one woman entertainment unit.

MrsPankhurst · 28/08/2008 15:59

I think your SAHM friend was actually trying to be complimentary towards you, not condescending, showing her admiration for what you are doing. Perhaps she feels that she should do more baking herself, but doesn't for whatever reason - maybe she does other things with her dcs instead, uses the time when other dcs asleep to do the cleaning or have a few mins "lunch break", or just doesn't like baking. I really wouldn't get het up about it, unless you think she has a point...

wasabipeanut · 28/08/2008 16:09

I'm sorry but I laughed at the Frere Jacques line.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable but I can understand the origins of the comment. Since i went back to work 3 days a week I try to fit in an activity of some sort each day even if its just going to the swings for an hour.

I think the idea that all SAHM's spend all day in some sort of domestic idyll singing the wheels on the bus, baking butterfly cakes and creating playdoh sculptutes is basically bollocks. Or maybe I was just rubbish, who knows?

snarky · 28/08/2008 16:18

if one of my friends (I'm part-time and on the fence ) had said something like this to me or vice versa I would have assumed it was a slightly acidic joke, guffawed and said something equally rude back. Some of you lot take yourselves waaaaaaayyyy too seriously!

bozza · 28/08/2008 16:29

I think she was being offensive. I also work part time and make cakes occasionally. However my DD has just started with the childminder (was previously at day nursery) and has made buns and pizza with her this week so no need for me to bother.

suey2 · 28/08/2008 16:36

yep, she definitely snapped: you made her feel guilty for not doing the same with her kids. She used the working angle as an excuse for this

thebecster · 28/08/2008 16:40

Probably came more from her defensiveness ("oh god, why haven't I ever baked with my children - quick, think of an excuse - I know, it's because I'm a SAHM!") than any intention to put you down. I work 2 days a week too. Must bake more...

Oh and I LOVE hide & seek with DS! He's utterly shite at it, it's hilarious. We have a tiny 1 bed flat and he still can't find me, even if my big arse is actually sticking out from behind the bed or whatever. It's the funniest thing out. And his hiding consists of closing his eyes, or sticking his head behind something, like an ostrich (he's 2.3). Very, very funny, but you kind of have to be there I suppose...

pamelat · 28/08/2008 17:24

I am going to back in January (2 or 3 days a week) and I will try to make sure that my days with DD are 'fun' for her. Swimming, meeting other baby friends etc.
At the moment (being off full time) I have the luxury of being able to afford myself/ourselves a 'boring' day (super market etc!) and not feel guilty.
I would imagine (and could only guess) that once I am back at work I may have a little bit more energy and motivation to be fun mum when at home ... ?

squilly · 28/08/2008 19:31

I worked 3 days from dd being 14weeks old (long story) and gave up when she was 5. I did stuff with her when I was working (we had mummy & Squilly's girl days) and I do stuff with her now, though probably not as much cos I only have weekends and dd goes to grandma's .

I don't think it had anything to do with guilt, just a desire to make the most of your time together.

Friend was being a bit rude imo. I would never say it to a working colleague. Assuming that you'd be guilty is unforgivable when there's nothing to feel guilty for!

highschoolmusical · 28/08/2008 19:42

Am a SAHM rarley make cakes.ffs when would I have time to watch jezza kyle and straigten my hair?????????

Ripeberry · 28/08/2008 21:29

I'm a SAHM and i've tried the baking thing but me daughters aged 3 and 6yrs old don't like fairy cakes or flapjacks.
All they like doing is chocolate rice crispie cakes, which is fine by me, less cleaning up!
I''ve been trying to get DD1 to practice her reading but she does not like doing it.
So instead i've been writting out simple instruction "Look in the toy cupboard" and then left a whole load of other notes that she has to find and eventually she gets a prize of a sweet.
Keeps her going for ages and i make sure there is a lot of moving around from the garden to upstairs and back out into the garden.
I used to like horseplay with them but they are getting a bit big and too rough for me!

Kimi · 28/08/2008 21:38

I am a SAHM and I bake with my children, take them out for days, play dress up, do arts days, have a house full of their friends, have camp outs take them swimming,take them to the cinema,go to galleries and museums and so on, anyone want to enlighten me what I am feeling guilty for? Thought I was just bing a mum!!

WideWebWitch · 28/08/2008 21:40

2 days a week is hardly anything to feel guilty about .

Blimey.

thefortbuilder · 28/08/2008 21:54

we go to the park a lot
and bake sometimes but that's because i love cakes

Kbear · 28/08/2008 22:02

I work part-time and bake - we are clique!!

I like to bake in secret so I can have a bit of peace whilst stirring and not have to share the mixture left on the spoon!! DH often shakes his head in disbelief as I rattle in the cupboard at 9o'clock at night looking for cake tins! Some people drink to unwind, I bake!

And up yours to your friend. Some people just have to air their opinions on your life, they are to be ignored.

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