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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid with my SIL

52 replies

whatismyname · 27/08/2008 10:45

SIL very kindly looked after dc whilst I went to work for a day. We do not let them have fizzy drinks. They are 5 and 3. SIL gave them fanta and said don't tell Mummy I am livid.
She knows we don't give it to thme

OP posts:
gladders · 27/08/2008 11:15

YABU - she did you a favour.

if you are unhappy with her standards, don't let her have them again.

think the don't tell mummy comment is funny tbh - she thought she was giving them a little treat.

G2B · 27/08/2008 11:20

In laws purposely going against parental rules DRIVES ME MAD. I know as soon as DS starts going to MIL's when I'm working (my mum would have him all the time but I have to 'share equally' bah) she'll be feeding him wotsits, pop and chocolate buttons and obescity is in my genes and I have to REALLy diet hard to keep in shape, so I don't want him going through the same things I did at school. When she makes him fat.

YANBU.

superlager · 27/08/2008 11:25

I bet they loved it, poor things.

QOD · 27/08/2008 11:29

see, family try to do that with my dd, I'll let you up late, drink cola, eat this........ she won't won't and won't cos she doesn't like any of them!

LOL

MrsTittleMouse · 27/08/2008 11:30

The fizzy drink thing I don't agree with, but I do accept that at our people's houses small children eat/drink different things.
The "don't tell Mummy" would have really annoyed me. I think that getting children to keep secrets from their parents (even innocent ones) is a really bad idea.

Onestonetogo · 27/08/2008 11:35

Message withdrawn

2beornot2be · 27/08/2008 11:41

I feel really bad now I always spoil my God Daughter when I take her out buy her sweets fizzy drinks etc give me my dues I don't take her out all the time but when I do I spoil her rotten and I always tell her not to tell her Mum even thou her Mum knows as my God child is generally bouncing around the house because of to much sugar. Well I have got her next week So I am going to stick too fruit sticks and water I hope she is not to sad lol.

morningpaper · 27/08/2008 11:43

YABU

Aunties are supposed to do 'naughty' things

Soon it will be chewing gum

then a small joint

relax, as long as the kids are happy

G2B · 27/08/2008 11:45

It's not carrot sticks and water, it's just that parents want different things for their children and it's best to follow the parent's orders. My Godson is allowed chocci buttons, hot dogs, crisps and juice so we give him those things and watch him bounce from wall to wall with great amusement lol but I wouldn't have them given to my child because of the obescity I mentioned earlier and the fact I got picked on at school for being fat.

ghosty · 27/08/2008 11:55

YABU to be 'livid' ...
You can be mildly irritated though and ask her not to encourage your children to keep secrets from you.
I thoroughly enjoyed spoiling my nephews and nieces rotten when I spent time with them on a recent trip to the UK ... and my family enjoyed spoiling my children.
Be thankful you have a SIL who wants to see your kids

LittleMyDancing · 27/08/2008 12:01

G2B I would agree with you if they were looking after the children on a regular basis, as you say your MIL is. I would also put my foot down to my relative if my child went there every week or every day and got filled up with crap.

But a one-off favour, one fizzy drink?

Seems a bit over the top to be livid.

AbbeyA · 27/08/2008 12:03

If you ask people to look after your DCs for a favour then you can't have absolute control.

posieflump · 27/08/2008 12:03

does she have kids? maybe she was giving hers fizzy drinks and our were clamouring for some too?

In my experience the ones who aren't allowed things as treats go mad when they see the forbidden thing

My sister never gave my nephew biscuits so at any party he was a greedy blighter as devoured anythign and everything in sight

MrsTittleMouse · 27/08/2008 12:08

It isn't about the "treat" though, it's about the "don't tell Mummy". Well, it is for me, anyway. I wouldn't want anyone encouraging my DD to keep a secret from me. I'm sure that it was done in all innocence, but I would have to have a word about it. Perhaps because I know people who've been abused in the past I'm a bit more sensitive to the issue.

posieflump · 27/08/2008 12:09

but grandparents, aunts, uncles say that all the time surely?

I remember it loads from when I was young ' here you are dear, have another chocolate but don't tell mummy'

it makes kids feel special sometimes nd in on the joke

more fool the kids for telling though, now they'll see why SIL said it!!

posieflump · 27/08/2008 12:10

sorry only just read your last sentence

myermay · 27/08/2008 12:13

i think to say your livid is a bit over the top. She did you a favour having your kids. Bit strange that she was trying to be sneaky by saying don't telly mum - that's the sort of thing my sister would do.

Not worth arguing about imo it's just a bit of fanta

MrsTittleMouse · 27/08/2008 12:14

No problem posie. Like I said, I'm certain that people say it in all innocence, and just haven't thought about the potential consequences.

Acinonyx · 27/08/2008 12:52

OTOH I would be annoyed but OTOH I am really desperate for back-up childcare so somewhat that you have a SIL to turn to in an emergency.

everlong · 27/08/2008 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HonoriaGlossop · 27/08/2008 13:37

ooh I just LOVE threads with Livid in the OP. It is my favourite word

I think YABU. DS doesn't have fizzy drinks at home but he does at DH's grandmother's. It's not part of his daily diet, it's fine. Specially if the person giving it is offering free childcare.

HonoriaGlossop · 27/08/2008 13:39

yes agree that it's the way 'don't tell mum' is done. My mum will say it in my hearing, stage whisper style, as she gives DS some sweets, again in plain view. I do think it is inappropriate to say it to a child and MEAN it.

AbbeyA · 27/08/2008 14:27

When you get to worrying about what teenagers are drinking you will think that a small, one off, fanta drink at 3yrs old isn't worth getting upset about!
A good relationship with SIL is far more important. Just tell her in a friendly manner that you don't want her to do it again.

kslatts · 27/08/2008 14:35

YABU - a fizzy drink as a treat occasionally is not going to poison them.

The comment was probably said in a joking kind of way.

fruitstick · 27/08/2008 14:44

I think you need to apply rules in proportion to how often DCs see the offending aunt .

If they are going once or twice a week, then by all means you are within your rights to set down some guidelines. If it was a one off or a very rare occurance then I don't think you can be too draconian. I had to bite my tongue when my brother in law gave my one year old a Dorito (call social services someone) but he sees him so rarely I didn't see the point of making a fuss, even though he would never have been allowed one at home.

That's what families are for, to undermine you and try to make your children like them more than you!

If I were you I would tell your sister-in-law that it's fine to give them treats (probably no fags though) but you would rather she didn't ask them to keep secrets from you.

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