ok, never posted in this section before but here goes... To think neighbours are a tad unfair to start ivf when they are going down the adoption route?

[liahgen]

gosh, hope i don't get flamed for this..[worried]

My neighbours, (single sex couple) want children
Considered ivf , and have offers of sperm donation from people they know. But

S wanted child to know it's father, but N didn't so decided no go as couldn't really compromise on such an important issue

Started adoption route, told about 18 mths.

Well now, they've decided to hedge their bets and have started private ivf treatment with donor sperm

I just think, as someone who had fertility issues, and as a Doula, I am currently supporting a couple who tried 14! ivf's, (baby due any day, woohoo)they are being a bit unfair, and using up resources that other couples could be using?

Well?

they need to tell the adoption people everything then I guess. If they fall pregnant the adoption wll fall through if what everyone says is right.

that seems fair enough then. If they only want one child then they should which route they are going down and be honest with the adoption agency rather than hedge their bets. If they are at the stage where they have met and bonded with a child (and he/she them) then get pregnant through IVF and pull out of the adoption, then this would have a devastating effect on the child in question I would imagine.

friends of friends of ours (same sex couple) have a DS through donated sperm and have also adopted another child, but I think it was after they had had their DS that they did the adoption.

oops, should read "they should commit to which route"

Regarding IVF - its their money, do what they like. But if it means getting halfway through an adoption process to then bow out due to conceiving then that is IMO pretty bad...not about taking away the resources for other IVF couples, more about taking away the opportunity for a child to have a loving stable family.

also totally agree with Issy

are they going to hold off on the adoption if the ivf is successful?

I also must echo Issy. I was adopted and I know with absolute certainty that my parents feel about me the way I feel about my children (birth children)

People should not be doing IVF and going down the Adoption route...it is very unfair to all the couples/single applicants waiting to be assessed as adopters. Working for a very stretched Local Authority it is very disheartening to waste the huge resource of a full assessment (which is about 6-9 months hard work) as a back up plan - it is deceiptful and disrespectful. The choice of adoption needs to be in it's own right, not as a back up plan to IVF. Certainly in our organisation the expectation is that all fertility treatment is completed(for psychological, physical and emotional reasons). As it happens some people get pregnant naturally when they begin the adoption process, when this happens it is wonderful and you really wish them all the luck in the world. I don't think YABU but not sure if you would be able to change their approach.

hear hear

YANBU - they are very unfair on resources and are hedging their bets in a most selfish manner.