To want to scare the crap out of DH for being an unreasonable git (sorry long)

[rmm]

I want to scream in frustration and really need some objective advice!!
Please don?t be too mean because I?m 23 weeks pregnant and very hormonal!!!
Dh is a great person most times, he?s a great dad and when he is around is amazing with dd and helping out, but that?s my problem. It feels like he?s hardly ever around for me!

I was on bed rest and in and out of hospital for the 1st 3 months of my pregnancy, and my biggest issue was the lack of time and understanding he had/has.
He has to travel between 7-10 days every month and when he is home he spends time with dd. But as soon as she is asleep he?s back working!! I know he has to work, but I have hardly had a conversation with him in the last 5 months.
My best mode of communication with him is via txt!!!
We are in the process of building our house and I?m handling most of this but anything I ask him to come with me to help out he spends the entire time on his phone and blackberry.
I had a scan scheduled yesterday and whilst I really appreciate the effort he made by coming he spent the whole ride to the hospital and while in the waiting room working. As soon as we got out he was back on his phone. I didn?t even get a chance to discuss the scan or how I felt with him. If I complain of feeling ill or tired his standard response is to tell me to stay positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant remember the last time we spent more then 10 minutes ?together? I mean we are constantly together if you include his mobile and blackberry in the equation.
So if he isn?t travelling he is working, I?ve tried to set up date nights, I?ve tried to tell him how I feel, I?ve tried to hide his phone, I?ve tried fighting and screaming. Nothing is working.
What really shits me is that tomorrow is his birthday and I had planned a surprise party and he has just called to say that he will be home late as he has a client meeting.
I feel like I should pack up my things and leave. I doubt he?d even notice that I was gone.
What really hurts the most is that when he is around dd he is amazing, and I really miss the person I fell in love with. But I really hate the asshole I?m living with right now

I am in a similar situation ,dh married to his blackberry,sometimes gets up in the night to check it,my solution is to make sure that as a family we can function without him ,he juat dips in and out.I know that many people would not be happy with this but squiffy is right ,if he is anything like my dh ,my moaning that I need time /attention just stresses him more.
On the rare occiaions I have managed to get him to take stock it has generally been because he has had a moment of realiseing that he might be superfluous;I have been known to orgaanise social occiasions etc on the assumption that he will not be around,I even went away to stay with friends for a wekend without involving him (this did make him sit up and think) ,I also routinely book a babysitter if I want to go out.I know that if I rely on him the chances are that I will be let down...I do get resentful but generally find that me beng resentful just makes things worse. The hardest thing I find is the feeing that we are bottom of the list ,but his veiw is that clients are paying for his time and therefore it is his professional duty to put them first!

The blackerry is a double edged sword ,on the one hand I hate it because he can never switch off ,but if he didn't have it we would probably never see him,we went away for a week in June aand I know that if it wasn't for the blackberry he wouldn't have gone.I do also use it to comunicate with him.

Thank you all so much for the encouragement!
I think yesterday was an exceptionally bad day, and I think having to call friends up to cancel was really awful. But most of then were great and really supportive.

DH actually made an effort to get home early and even though I was exhausted we had a chance to sit down and discuss what we can do to make things a little better.
What?s isn?t going to change in a hurry is the travelling, but we are getting a project manager, and DH will take a few mornings/afternoons off from the office to help with the move.
I?m also getting a friend to help out with sorting out soft furnishings etc and another friend has offered to have dd over today and tomorrow which takes off a little bit of pressure!!

I know from a very logical point of view that it is very important to DH that he provided well for us, so I think you?re right squiffy right now we just need to hang in there. Neither of us are ready to give up, but I think that neither of us anticipated the sacrifices that we would have to make. But we are both really stretched on time and energy and right now if dh cannot offer the kind of support I need then I have to believe him when he says he is trying and cut him some slack and he has to let me get the help I need.

So even nothing is solved or no problems have gone away I feel more positive!!

Once again thank you so much for all your support ? I think I needed objective opinions on my situation and for a change my reaction hasn?t been based purely on emotion!

PS i still hate the balckberry though!!!