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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about my babysitter?

14 replies

BitOfFun · 23/08/2008 10:23

I really hope you girls can help on this one, I honestly don't know what to do and need your opinions ans advice!

There is a 16 year old girl who babysits for me very occasionally - she is a lovely girl, and I know her mum slightly (and may even be working for her in a month or two, so perhaps that will make a difference to what I need to ask you?...not sure).

The thing is, when I got online after we got back in last night, on the drop-down menu for the google box there were a few search terms for "Anorexia", "best anorexia book" and the like. Interestingly, no other general searches, and the history had been cleared when I looked.

It was definitely my babysitter, who is in no immediate danger of fading away (she is prettily plump if anything}. She is a bit goth-ish and individual too, so was it just morbid curiosity? A ghoulish streak? I have looked at stuff like that myself in a voyeuristic way I suppose, and it's a free country - I don't mind that she was using my internet or anything, BUT should I be worried about her?

My knee jerk response was that I wanted to tell her mum, in a kind of way like "look, probably nothing to worry about, teenage ghoulishness etc, but I did notice that X has been looking at these and thought maybe you'd want to know in case you wanted to bring it up with her" . My instinct is to let her mum know, but I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do.

I don't feel I could mention it to the girl really, at least not without making a mess of it, but if you think I should I'll try.

My DP says to just ignore it, probably nothing, and none of our business anyway. I would want to know myself as a mum, which I guess is why I'm hoping you can help here.

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 23/08/2008 10:26

If she's a bit plump then I would have thought it would be more likely that she's concerned about a friend. I don't think I would say anything as she would feel extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed. Just keep an eye on her if you can.

Onestonetogo · 23/08/2008 10:31

Message withdrawn

collision · 23/08/2008 10:33

leave it for now

mum once found my bro doing the same and it was because he was concerned about his GF.

feedmenow · 23/08/2008 10:35

I agree that it's probably concern over a friend.

I wouldn't be overly worried and I wouldn't tell her mum.

AbbeyA · 23/08/2008 10:51

If she is plump at the moment then I wouldn't tell her mum, keep an eye on her and only tell her mum if she suddenly starts to lose a significant amount of weight.

Lucy87 · 23/08/2008 11:06

I've done searches like that after I read articles on anorexia in magazines etc

tiggerlovestobounce · 23/08/2008 11:32

I wouldnt worry about it. Maybe she is worried about someone, or has a school project to do or something.

There is no way that I would tell the mum or raise it with her. Maybe if she was stick thin and you had other reason to be concerned, but I think the search history is irrelevant.

laweaselmys · 23/08/2008 11:47

if she wasn't searching for pro-anorexia or anything like that I wouldn't be too concerned, she is as lots of people say, probably just concerned about a friend.

I would keep an eye on her though, and tell her mum if anything else pops up as a cause for concern, because it can be very hard helping friends through mental illness at that age, and she might like somebody to talk to and reassure her she's doing okay.

kerryk · 23/08/2008 13:34

i know that girls at my school used to buy anorexia books in the hope that they could learn how to be anorexic.

a friend who was plump thought that if she could make herself anorexic all her problems would be solved and she would not get picked on, she was getting mixed up between a illness and a new fad diet.

just thinking it may be the same situation here, especially simnce you mention that she is a plump girl.

scorpio1 · 23/08/2008 13:36

for a friend, coursework, she read about it?

ThatBigGermanPrison · 23/08/2008 13:36

I search all manner of ghoulish things through boredom, or for friends.

Original poster
BitOfFun · 23/08/2008 14:01

Thanks for all your replies - the consensus seems to be to keep schtum for now, so I guess I will. It does worry a bit though because they definitely were "pro-Ana" sites that were being searched for. I was wondering if kerryk has got the motivation behind it right - that would be my concern if she was my daughter. I know she has mentioned that she and her mum have been getting up early to go to spin classes, so I think she is trying to lose some weight. I just hope she sticks to the healthy approach. I would hate to embarrass her by bringing this up, so I suppose I'll just keep my eyes peeled.

OP posts:
stroppyknickers · 23/08/2008 14:04

I think KerryK is right and I would mention it to her mum - noticed she'd searched this subject, hope I'm not interfering, maybe she wants to lose weight etc. Anything to stop her going down that route.

PookiePodgeandTubs · 23/08/2008 14:05

It could have been her friend she was worried about. As she's not really thin, don't worry.

I would certainly worry if she were very thin.

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