to leave a 4 yr old with a nearly 12 yr old for 30 mins?

[FrodosGirl]

Because DPs grandparents think I should be reported for neglect !!! We left the kids at home for 30 mins just while DP drove me to work yesterday morning as DD was still asleep and DS is very responsible and knows what to do in an emergency. But DPs grandparents called (at 8am!!) found out they were on their own and have been repeatedly calling us ever since to tell us what a bad mother I am and we put our kids at risk and are as bad as Maddie`s parents! Oh and that I aparently bullied their grandson into this.
And after telling us all weekend (when we were staying with them) what good parents we are and how responsible DS is etc.
DP is so outraged at their attitude change that we are now ignoring their calls.

There is no minimum legal age for a babysitter.

I agree with lazyhen - would he know what to do if for example you had an accident on the way to work and were not back in half an hour? Perhaps it would be worth discussing eventualities like that.

Otherwise I think they're really over-reacting!

YANBU. My eldest is 8 years older than his brother so when he was 12 the brother was 4. I left him for very short times, only if I was contactable and he could have gone next door in an emergency.

You know your 12 yo and your 4 yo, if you're comfortable with it and know they'll be OK then YANBU.

I would ignore them for the forseeable future - the comments they have made are completely unacceptable whether you were reasonable or not.

For the record, I do not think that what you did was unreasonable in the slightest.

YANBU i was babysitting at that age.

YANBU. I think ppl have forgotten how accepted this used to be. The gp's are being daft. My Dad used to collect his siblings from primary school on his way home from senior school at 11, at 14 was accompanying his sister 8 to boarding school on the train together. My mother certainly looked after her youngest brother, again probably from the age of 11 or 12. My brother and I used to be in the house after school together from the ages of about 10 & 7, for about 45mins until my mum came home.

I think we have gone very silly. My DS was very trustworthy and sensible at 12, I left 4 yr old and 2 yr old with him if I wanted to do something quick like pop to the post office.

YANBU

The babysitting is a very grey area. It isn't illegal, but if your babysitter is under 16 then they are not held responsible.
I wouldn't call it babysitting to leave a child in charge while you pop out.

I wouldn't have left them, but it really depends on the individual children. If your 12 year old is sensible and trustworthy and has a good relationship with your 4 year old I can see how you would be OK with that. But that aside, your IL's have no right to bully you this way, it is actually none of their business, much less is it their right to demand an apology from you. Am glad that your dp is presenting a united front on the matter. I would also be inclined to ignore their calls I have to say, but on the grounds that they are being overbearing and bullying. For me this would be the real issue behind my reaction to them, not the original babysitting thing.

I would be illegal here. But it's not there so there is nothing they can do.

You have to have a policy of gradually giving responsibility. I wouldn't have wanted my 12 yr old to think that I didn't trust him with his brother for 20 mins, even when I was at the end of a phone and could be home in 5 mins!!
I wouldn't want my son to do it, but 4 years later at 16 he can legally be married and have his own child!! I think people should employ common sense.Obviously if you have a completely irresponsible 12 yr old you wouldn't do it!
Children only become responsible if you give them responsibility.