Okay, first off, please don't think this is a prank, an insult, or a troll; it's a serious and honest question, and I really want serious and honest opinions. I don't want to offend anyone, and I hope I don't.
Yeah, I'm new. Hi by the way.
Here's the situation.
When I was in my teens, I met a young woman (Vi) who rent on to become a very good friend of mine. Vi is part of a very strict Catholic family, and I was 17 at the time (she's American, so to her, age of consent is 18 and that's what she considers morally correct) so when she began developing feelings for me, it was problematic in several ways.
Now that I'm engaged to a lovely man (Chris) with a beautiful son (James) it's even more problematic.
See, in June 07 she tearfull admitted that she's still in love with me (an obsessive, unrequieted type of love that's driven her to depression and anorexia). I explained to her that I wouldn't leave Chris for her, which she had already known and accepted, and she went on her way, still thoroughly miserable and resigned. Chris, on the other hand, is perfectly fine with the idea of Vi and me having a relationship while maintaining one between he and I. It's not a pervy thing, wanting to see me with another woman, and he didn't know Vi's mental state, so it's not like he was being emotionally pressured or anything else; as far as he's aware to this day, she still just fancied me, and he knew I still had some feelings for her, but had already told her that there was no way I'd leave him for her. Put simply, he's absolutely okay with it. It's something even I struggle to understand, but he really is.
So Vi and I began a long distance relationship last autumn. In that time, Vi has made huge improvements medically, as have I (I also suffer depression and anxiety) as well as gaining a new zest for life (I'm a writer who never really got very far until just lately, and she was half way through a university degree she was going to just give up on) and mine and Chris's relationship has also improved.
Of course, I found out three months later that I was pregnant.
At first I didn't think about it, but now that Vi's finishing her degree and planning to move to England (not just for me or anything...she has family here and prefers it to America. She always planned to live in England after uni) it's something I'm having to consider. The arguement for homosexual's with children is one thing (i.e. will raising a child in a homosexual family 'teach' them to be homosexual themselves) but raising a child in a three-way relationship is another. The way I see is, James will have three parents who love him instead of just two, which can only be a good thing. However, I also understand that polygamy is still considered illegal and not something I can really encourage in my child.
However, it's not a simple case of just breaking up with Vi; she's got a fantastic career ahead of her, and wants nothing more than to move to England and look after me, Chris and James for the rest of our lives. Chris and I are in a terrible place, both financially, circumstancially and in our relationship at the moment, and without Vi we will be stuck in a small village living on council support for years. With the current economical situation in England, this is also something I loath instilling in my child, and the environment we're in is, in a word, dangerous. I'm scared to go to my window when someone's outside, let alone leave the house alone or think about letting James play outside when he's older. Vi can provide a much, much better life for him than either Chris or I can; even if I get the best job I can and he gets the best job he can, we probably won't make half of Vi's expected first-year income in our first five. And on top of that, with the amount of aid she gives mine and Chris's relationship, I don't think he and I would last very long without her there as the mediator.
So now you're probably thinking that the obvious solution is to split up with Chris. But if I do that, I'll be alone with my anxiety, depression and a baby in a nice dangerous place until next summer when Vi can come over, I'll be depriving Chris of his son and James of his dad, and most of the initial issues are still there; I know people raised in same sex relationships who have been fine with it, but what would you think if you grew up knowing that your mum left your dad two months after you were born for another woman? Chris and I are very good together, but the stressful situation we're in at the moment is making things hard for us both, and Ri's the only one who can reassure and calm us both. In 18 months, it'll be a completely differant story.
Anyways that's the problem. Again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone or if anyone thinks I'm just trolling; I promise I'm not. Thanks.