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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For Older Moms-Stop asking if I am the childminder!

26 replies

christie1 · 17/08/2008 15:17

Just had a baby at 44. Before that, when I walked with my brood, people made comments like, are they all yours etc. Haven't had a comment like that since she was born but 3 times now I have been asked if I was the babysitter. I little oriental woman just stopped me after church and asked if I was minding the baby for someone and when I said no, walked away saying oh. I confess, it is starting to hurt my feelings, especially when they are staring at my face (in all it's wrinkled glory!). I know I am an older mom, I guess I should be glad they don't ask if I am the grandmother but I find the comments a little, I don't know, insensitive maybe. Or, is it just my vanity is hurt. I guess I shouldn't let it bother me but it making me a little paranoid!

OP posts:

forevercleaning · 17/08/2008 15:20

Congratulations on the baby. Am 44 this year, and would love to have another, sadly it won't be happening, but good for you!

fryalot · 17/08/2008 15:22

I had dd2 at 35 and was asked several times if she was my grandaughter.

Even whilst obviously pg with ds

fryalot · 17/08/2008 15:23

oh, and congrats of course

silvercrown · 17/08/2008 15:24

That's just totally bizarre behaviour!! Find it very odd people think they have the right to ask and make comments at all. Try not to worry about it though. Might be different if you were 84 !!

barnsleybelle · 17/08/2008 15:29

Just walk tall and proud and ignore the nosey buggers....

Congrats by the way..

lyrasilver · 17/08/2008 15:29

I was 44 when I had ds3 and I am dreading him starting nursery as I know I will be way older than most of the other mums. However any cheeky comments and I will be just as cheeky back!

SpookyMadMummy · 17/08/2008 16:08

Unfortunately its quite common for older mums to be asked this.
My friend was 42 when she had her second baby 15 years after her Ds1. She took Ds2 to our local post office (who knew her well) and they asked her if she had taken up childminding!!

sfxmum · 17/08/2008 16:11

can't say I have experienced this, round this parts most mums are older anyway.
when I was born my mum was 36 I was her first but had lots of friends with similar age mums although maybe not with their first child
happens a lot in Catholic countries

am sorry it hurts or upsets you best ignored really

yummymummy1405 · 17/08/2008 16:12

it is so irritating when people make comments like this. I am on the flip side and am constantly told in a dissaproving voice 'you don't look old enough to be a mum' I know as many people tell me it should be a compliment but I don't make comments such as 'you look too fat for trousers' so what gives other people the right to comment on your/my appearance in relation to child bearing!

chapstickchick · 17/08/2008 16:19

im 34(just) and quite often my 15 yr old son is mistaken for my partner!!!

my dh is 50 so it really confuses people especially the lady in asda who refused to serve me alcohol cos i wasnt over 25!!!

dont let it get to u enjoy your baby and feel sorry for these people who are so openly ignorant.

colacubes · 17/08/2008 16:29

Yep I am the same as chapstick, it can work both ways, the parents at school think seem to think i was a gym slip mum, there faces are a picture when they meet me, they are fine on the phone but in person, different story, ones even ran away, before now!!!

uptomyeyes · 17/08/2008 16:34

My friend (44) took her DD (13) shopping the other day and the assistant in one of the shops said - oohh how lucky are you that your grandmother takes you shopping. My friend was very miserable about this.

MrsTittleMouse · 17/08/2008 16:36

I always assume that the person with the child is the Mum. I can remember when I was still working that a really slim attractive women turned up with three children and my heart sank. Luckily she was the nanny. The Mum was a collegue who, while still very attractive, had a "normal" slim body (with a bit of a tummy) rather than the washboard nanny.

ScottishMummy · 17/08/2008 16:49

dont even know it is age related i took lo to gp who asked if i was the nanny.naw i am the mammmy

TheProvincialLady · 17/08/2008 16:59

Oh some people are just rude, insenstitive, unthinking and irritating aren't they? Rest assured though, if they weren't wondering whether you were the baby's mother they would be wondering whether you were a single mother or if your husband was in full time work or something equally uninteresting and none of their business. You can't win with that kind of person. Try not to take it personally.

teabreakgirl · 17/08/2008 17:05

Im in the same position as yummymummy. Comments about your life from random strangers will always be annoying but I try to take some positive just to stop myself from responding tartly. Its not just the comments but the way in which they look at me and the children, its really rude. Plus ds1 is only 3.5 but is the size of a 5 yr old!!

KerryMum · 17/08/2008 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattie · 17/08/2008 17:13

I've been mistaken for the au pair! Also been mistaken for a pregnant person...almost a year after DS was born

cluelessnchaos · 17/08/2008 17:16

I used to get it the other way round I had my first when I was still at University, dh and I moved to an expensive area after dd2 was born and everyone used to assume I was a nanny, several asked if I had friends who I could recommend for a job and I was asked which agency I worked for, you can only kill them with kindness, one of the few people who didnt judge me had her first at 42 and 2nd at 46. It helped that we could take the mickey out of being haggardly old/sluttishly young to have kids.

FiteFuaite · 17/08/2008 17:58

Somebody asked me when I was out with dd, 'Are you de Mammy or de Nanny?'

My first thought,in my innocence,was that she believed me to be the person employed to look after dd.

I was looking good that day,too

Congrats to you on your new baby,btw

Minniethemoocher · 17/08/2008 18:24

I am expecting DC No2 this year and I am 44, I am a little worried about my age, I am already the oldest Mum in the class, and with baby No.2 I will be even older!

I do find that I don't necessarily have a lot in common with 20 something Mums and that I get a little bit lonely, as I am often excluded from Mums outings, guess they think that I am too old....

catsmother · 17/08/2008 18:48

I had my 2nd child a month away from 39 and now, at almost 44, am considering whether or not to go for a 3rd !

Thankfully, have never had any "grandma" comments (at least not to my face) but it is something I have wondered about (yes, it's shallow) this time round.

People can be so rude ...... I'd ask them to keep their opinions to themselves.

catsmother · 17/08/2008 18:49

Forgot to say - congratulations !!

Minniethemoocher · 17/08/2008 21:08

Thank you! I have never had any Grandma comments, I am, (if I say so myself!) a well preserved 44 year old, but I do feel that age gap with some of the younger Mums...

Catsmother - go for it! I have felt fine, pregnancy wise, but conceiving did take a while....

Original poster

christie1 · 19/08/2008 22:17

sorry it took so long to get back, thanks for the comments. I just needed to rant a bit. I guess if madonna can wiggle her arse around a stage at 50, then I can have my baby at 44! There, maybe that's going to be my comeback for the next person who asks me if I am the childminder. Thanks for the congrats, I do feel truly blessed at my age to have this wonderful gift of a baby.

OP posts:

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