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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Large dogs and visiting kids - AIBU or is my dad..?

35 replies

VickyA · 17/08/2008 14:28

Basically I'm not particularly close to my family, neither geographically (about 250 miles away) nor emotionally. They have seen DS (5) about 5 times, mostly at our house when they pass by for a few hours while dropping off my DB to stay for a few days - they then go on to another city to stay there for a short break. I was hoping to go and visit them this summer hols, but they have, and have always had, large dogs - 2 Rottweilers and a Doberman. They had them when I was growing up, and I was never savaged to death, and I admit I'm a bit blasé about them. DH on the other hand won't countenance our going to stay at the house, although my parents have said the dogs will be locked away. They have an apartment in a nearby city, where they stay once or twice a week, and I have asked if we could stay there instead when they're not planning to be there, but their response is if DH doesn't trust them to look after their grandson on their own property then DS won't get to know that side of the family at all. I think that've very much their loss, not his, but still...

We dontt have dogs at home, just cats, and DH isn't a dog person at all. I'm the last person to accuse all large dogs of being killers (even though I know my family have been "nibbled" occasionally and have lied about the type of dog when getting a few stitches put in ), but I don't want to force the issue with DH as I'm not that bothered, sadly enough, whether DS sees my family or not. But my dad's response, about lack of trust and DS not seeing them again, has really upset me - are they being completely unreasonable in their attitude or are we just being overly cautious - the dogs won't know DS at all, he's not dog savvy and is scared of even small yappy-type dogs, and if anything does happen the damage done is likely to be irreparable, in contrast to that done by a smaller dog.

Any comments??

OP posts:

TheSmallClanger · 17/08/2008 18:06

Normally I would actually side with dog owners. When I had a dog, I preferred not to entertain people who were going to make a fuss and insist he be shut outside all day. When dogs associate certain people with negative experiences or punishment, they can behave negatively towards that person if they meet them again - they are social animals.
However, since your parents' dogs have bitten people before, I probably wouldn't class them as good, trustworthy dog owners and act accordingly.

(IMO, "nibbling" is puppy-like gumming of your hand. Labradors do it. It's pretty disgusting, but doesn't involve the teeth much. If skin gets broken, that's biting.)

Upwind · 17/08/2008 18:19

I usually side with the dog owners too - but have never known of any competent owner being bitten by one of their dogs! With that track record, and with bites needing stitches in the past I would also take the same line as your DH.

I have owned similar large dogs which were trustworthy (though I would never leave a child alone with a dog). But it is unthinkable that my dogs would ever have snapped, nibbled, growled at or bit me under any circumstances.

Also, that you were unscathed says nothing. When you were growing up you were part of "the pack". You were used to handling the dogs and they were used to you. Sadly, every single incident of a child being savaged by a dog that I have noticed in the press in the past couple of years, the child was visiting a grandparent's home. I suspect it is partly because the family are a bit more blase and don't take the risks seriously.

DonutMum · 17/08/2008 18:24

yanbu.

we have a golden retriever who is as soft as they come and vvvv well behaved compared to any other dog I know - esp my fil's who licks the toilet and then you ew! - and we "lock him away" - i.e. in the kitchen with his toys or in the garden on a regular basis. Not worth the risk. He hasn't been allowed to do any more than sniff DS3's foot.

peanutbutterkid · 17/08/2008 19:02

Some dog people are completely in denial about how dogs are perceived by others, and that being pack animals, dogs like to determine dominance hierarchies.

DD loves animals, but she got scared when surrounded by a pack of yipping chihuahuas and a big Rottweiler loose in a public park. The owner got angry when DH asked him to "control his animals".

And get this... Doberman tied up (not muzzled) middle of the playground, while owners went off to the lav. The dog was distressed and whining. A little girl about 16 months old wandered over and started playing with the dog's mouth, I was the only adult to respond, tried to shoo the girl away. The dog seemed okay about the girl, but honestly...! I couldn't figure the situation out. Obviously the dog owners saw their dog as completely harmless to leave in a playground full of children who might be poorly supervised and know nothing about animals. How naive is that??

Troutpout · 17/08/2008 19:14

yanbu

Rhonds · 17/08/2008 19:22

YANGU
Please don't risk your Dc for fear of offending anyone.x

crokky · 17/08/2008 19:27

YANBU. Your DH sounds like a sensible bloke. Your dad doesn't seem to care about not seeing you and your DS so I wouldn't bother going.

Ashantai · 18/08/2008 01:13

Definately NBU! It makes me so angry when i read stories about dogs attacking family members and their owners being all sad because it gets put down!!!

I live in an area where every other dog is a staff, never on a lead and come bounding up to you. I get real nervous taking my kids to the park, even tho they have never picked up on my fear of dogs, and are quite happy to stroke anything furry!

There is no way i would put my kids in your situation and i think your father should know better!

tengreenbottles · 18/08/2008 10:09

i love dogs ,but i wouldnt risk take any child into the situation you are describing EVER

pollyblue · 19/08/2008 19:34

We've had concerns about my Mum's dog, not a large dog but she's snappy and unpredictable and has bitten my Mum in the past. Luckily, my Mum is aware of our concerns and takes them seriously - if we visit her, her dog is tied up and if she comes here (she lives about 2 hours drive away) she puts the dog in kennels for the day. But all the while the dog is alive, i wouldn't let dd stay at my Mum's without us.

If your dad's attitude is it's his way or no way, and your gut instinct is you're not happy, go with your gut instinct. Your ds doesn't know the dogs and they don't know him. And if god forbid there was an incident, you'ld never forgive yourself. It's a shame, but your family's loss.

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