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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to reply 'No' when asked 'I'd bet you;d love a boy' by someone in homebase

47 replies

misdee · 15/08/2008 17:12

as it was said in front of all three of my girls.

OP posts:

SpookyMadMummy · 15/08/2008 18:03

YANBU. I am pg with Dc3 after 2 girls. I am only 9 weeks but my mother keeps saying 'I hope its a boy this time'
I don;t care what sex the baby is as long as it is healthy. I have no gender disappointment.

georgiemum · 15/08/2008 18:03

Next time someone makes a comment like this, just lean in consipratorially and in a stage whisper say... 'we ARE hoping for a dog...'

Original poster

misdee · 15/08/2008 18:05

lol, we have told people dd3 is hoping for a kitten.

OP posts:

greenlawn · 15/08/2008 18:07

Ohhhh yes. "Poor you" is what I get - I'm on boy no. 4. I've actually taken to saying "poor me - in what way?" or "I really don't know what you mean, can you explain please?" because it tends to make people squirm.

The thing I can't forgive is the people who KNOW one of my boys was stillborn - how dare they suggest that his life was worth less than anyone else's?

FWIW as someone else said I personally don't feel I would be a good mum to a girl. I was a miserable cow as a teenager and had a very rocky relationship with my mum for many years. Of course if I had a daughter I'd want things to be different, but for some reason I seem to relate better to all things male.

Boring people, boring lives, boring comments!

Original poster

misdee · 15/08/2008 18:13

peachy fab news, i think lol. have started thread in SN for you with all my questions

OP posts:

Tas1 · 15/08/2008 19:36

I get this all the time, I'm a mum of 4 girls.

They either ask if we are going to try for no5 to try and get a boy or they ask was I dissapointed I had'nt got a boy.

Janni · 15/08/2008 19:42

Lol @ 'it's going on ebay as soon as it's weaned'

NotAnOtter · 15/08/2008 20:25

yes sweetkitty i agree ....

following 'as log as its healthy' comments i tend to walk away saying 'yes not only do i beget 10000 same sex children but also i am an ungrateful bint'

2luvlyboys · 15/08/2008 21:41

I'm always being asked this with my 2 boys. I always reply that I am more than happy with my 2 boys. I think that same sex siblings are great because they will (hopefully) always be friends!

Peachy · 15/08/2008 23:27

Tell you what though- lately I have noticed an increase in the 'oh you are so lucky' comments- indeed, a Tesco worker followed me around yesterday seemingly just to tell me how lucky I am to have 4 boys

The theme is usually along the lines of 'I have boys and girls and the boys are so much easier'

Really?

I suspect that it's down to the individual kids: some are great, some are not, the vast majority are a bit of each

lilymolly · 15/08/2008 23:34

Dont you think that sometimes people are just commenting things like that to make conversation or to strike up a conversation

I am sure people dont really mean any malice.

And as far as the "as long as its healthy" comment

well I say that all the time, it just means that the most important thing to wish for is a healthy baby, not what sex it is.

Does not mean I will abandon dc if it is not healthy

Its just a saying- dont read too much into these things

You know its nice for people to take an interest in you and your family.

Just smile sweetly.

Peachy · 15/08/2008 23:38

'FWIW as someone else said I personally don't feel I would be a good mum to a girl.'

Actually I know what you mean

I am useless at all things girly related (qualified as a make up artist years ago and did zilch wth it) and even have been known to spend Saturdays welsing for fun

A girl in my care would either be very tomboyish, or very neglected I am afraid- and could you imagine the poor mite having 4 older brothers? Like my boys? [horror]

psychomum5 · 15/08/2008 23:54

spooky.....all the way thro my pregnancy with (what turned out to be DD3), my aunt, on every fucking phonecall, would say "well, I just hope the new baby is a girl for DH's sake!"

I mean, 1, why for DH's sake.......what is so special that it is for his sake

and 2, why commment when all we wanted was a new little person to love and add to our family??

we did not go into having a third baby (unplanned at that point but we had been thinking about trying when I found she was coming along) just to go for a boy.....we went as I wanted another sibling for our daughters.

my hV tho gave me the best response (after yet another rant about it on her)....

"DH will get out what he put in!"

shut my aunty right up as she is the worlds biggest prude

didn;t stop her making me feel as tho I had 'failed' when we rang to announce our wonderful new daughter....she was the reason I ended up saying sorry to people, until a friends DH put me straight.

argh......families and well-meaning people!!!

psychomum5 · 15/08/2008 23:55

boy.....boy BOY BOY

see....was so angry I typed what I thought she SHOULD have said!!!!!

goodasgold · 16/08/2008 00:14

I just used to say 'not really I love my little girls so much'

When you are worried about your child's health the 'as long as it's healthy' comments cut like a knife, more than the gender ones, which everybody knows are just plain silly.

branflake81 · 16/08/2008 07:42

I think YAB a bit U. It was probably just intended as friendly chit chat. No need to take offence.

sunnydelight · 16/08/2008 11:26

When I (very surprisingly on all levels) had DD after 2 boys my usual response to the stupid "oh, so you finally got your girl then" was "oh no, she was a complete accident". Soon shut them up

spottyshoes · 16/08/2008 11:38

KatieDD I hate her for you too MIL's should not be allowed anywhere near the delivery room!!

I only have ONE DS but already people presume that I want a girl this time. (Secretly I actually want another boy)

Will be using the ebay comment LippyGobShite

Also love "DH will get out what he put in!"

Minniethemoocher · 16/08/2008 11:39

DD was conceived with the help of fertility treatment. When she was born, MIL said to me "You must be so disappointed, after all that treatment, and you had a GIRL".

Words failed me!

jellybeans · 16/08/2008 11:44

I had 2 DD already when pg with DD3. At 20 wks we found there were severe problems and she may not live, the gender was the least of our concerns. Still, MIL said 'poor daddy,' with a twisted face, I can't forget it. She made it clear she wanted a boy, never mind her sick GC may not even make it. Sadly DD3 was s/b and then we had twin DS, another s/b girl and am now pg with, I think, DS. I couldn't care less the gender so long as this one survives. I have friends that had 2 boys first and they got the comments alot and one said that her DD got far more attention than her DS's when they were babies! I think alot of people think what they have is the best. I was abit miffed how i would cope with boys (especially 2 in one go!) as I have no brothers etc but when they are your own they are adorable, gender is irrelevant. Both are just as nice. I think people just try to make conversation and fail badly.

Pixel · 16/08/2008 18:29

People used to ask us if we wanted a boy after dd. Dh used to tell them he wanted a border collie!
I remember a long time ago going into the chip-shop with my dad and my sister and the chinese owner commiserating with my dad because he 'only had girls'. And my dad didn't disagree . I've never forgotten it though it's funny now.

QueSt · 16/08/2008 18:46

YANBU.

I still get the "oh, you have two boys, arent you going to try for a girl?!"

"he really should have been a girl, shouldtn he?" (about ds2)

NO!

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