I noticed that one (now I can see two) tablets were missing late last night. I checked them because I was suspicious about whether he was taking tablets on the sly (a box of valium we got in Mexico on our honeymoon disappeared slowly despite his never telling me that he'd taken a tablet, and despite my never having taken one). I am particularly upset because (a) he didn't tell me; (b) he did it during the day when we were playing with our son, who is 16 months old; (c) we've been struggling with trust issues relating to his drinking problem, and just the day before he'd taken DS out and had a beer, and lied to me about it when I asked him if he was drinking a beer, and fessed up later when they got home (this despite a rule that he NEVER, EVER drink when DS is in his sole charge).
Sorry, this is getting long. I confronted him about it this morning. At first he was defensive, like it's no big deal. Then I convinced him that, yes, in light of (a) through (c) above, it is a big deal. Then he tried to say that it's not that much codeine, and wanted to compare it with a Nurofen Plus (12.5mg, I just checked). Then he apologized, and said that he realized it was not okay, and he wouldn't do it again. Then I brought up his mother, who routinely got pissed/off her head on drugs when he and his brother were boys, to such an extent that (with father absent completely) they had to look after themselves at a very young age. I said, think of that as one end of a spectrum, and get yourself completely to the other end. He said he understood, and he is working on it.
More background: he is in therapy for anger management and communication of emotion issues that relate to the drinking. He's been working really hard on it, and I've seen major improvements (despite these two setbacks over the weekend) in his ability to communicate and control his drinking.
So I guess my question is not, am I being unreasonable, because I am pretty damn sure I am not, but what do I do now? When has it gone too far? Bearing in mind that things are actually getting a lot better, and I do love him completely, but also at times think of how much easier life would be if he'd just get hit by a bus. It's also relevant to know that his drinking put DS in danger twice in the past - once when DS was about 8 months DH dropped him while trying to put him on his shoulders. He was completely pissed at the time. The second time DS was probably 11 months old and I went to a show with my mum and DH was looking after DS on his own, got completely drunk after DS was asleep, then DS woke up and DH rocked him back to sleep but passed out in the chair. When I got him, DH was covered in a pool of his own piss, DS was soaked in it, too, and had just woken up and was about to fall onto the floor off of DH's lap. DH did not wake up until I shook him awake after retrieving DS.
We are now six months down the road from those awful incidents. Things have improved, but there are obviously still issues. DH is in therapy, he does seem to be getting better, but still this has happened, and I don't know where to draw the line in the sand - it feels like it keeps moving.
I've changed my name to protect my privacy. TIA.