Over the last year or so I have removed myself from dealing with my PIL as my FIL has managed to perfect making me feel very unhappy. I'm not heartless however and have simply removed myself from thinking about them or facilitating any arrangements regarding visits etc. During their last visit I found myself weeping bitterly and decided that I had to take a step back. They are unable to communicate, have perfected passive-aggression and are very hostile when ever I have tried to clear the air. I rather think that they haven't ever particularly liked me but plenty of people do so I try not to take it to heart.
My husband and children have been just fine in organising plane trips up to the IL's and seem to have a nice time when they go. My dh asked my IL's not to come at Christmas as he would be working flat out as would I. Since then, my PIL seem to have been punishing my husband. When he calls them they don't pick up his messages or when they do call back it is when they know he will be working a busy shift and will be unable to talk for long.
We recently saw my husbands grandmother whilst on holiday and she commented that my PIL were very upset that they 'never get to see the children.' I would be upset too if that were actually the case. Today my dh managed to catch his mum on the phone and she blurted out that she couldn't talk for long as she was just about to leave to 'visit a friend'. Something made me email my SIL who lives an hour and a half away from us and she confirmed that my PIL were staying with her for a week and then taking her children away on holiday.
I have arranged with my SIL that I will meet her on Sunday to have lunch with the whole family. That way the IL's get to visit with my children. The children are over the moon and my dh was very moved that I will take the children for him as he is totally committed for the next two weeks and cannot come himself. I am really not looking forward to seeing them but I am capable of just getting on with it for the sake of my family.
I am, however, seething. I cannot express how angry I am that my PIL are absolutely fine with making my dh feel like a terrible son when they will be within easy driving distance for a whole week of the summer holidays. I think they get more satisfaction from telling 'woe is me' stories than from actually seeing the kids. I find it inexplicable, inexcusable and very, very unkind on behalf of my lovely, soft hearted dh. He's had a tough year and I just want to scream on his behalf.
Any advice on ridding myself of this awful anger would be very gratefully accepted.