Can someone tell me where I went wrong?

[ShyBaby]

I was trying to make some arrangements for ds's birthday and it turned out that 3 of his friends are on day trips that day. Rather than have 3 tired/grumpy children who have been dragged there by their mothers not wanting to let us down, I asked him if it would be ok if we moved his barbecue to the next day. He was ok with that when I said for his actual birthday he'll have all his presents to open then we'll just go out for a pub lunch (ds, dd my mum and myself), its not that it was to be some kind of intimate family meal, just that im a single parent so there wasn't really anyone else to invite!

So I was telling my close friend about the new arrangements and she said she would come to the meal too (its two of her kids that will be going on the day trip so she's child free all day). Lovely I thought.

Next time I saw mum I told her what was happening and about the lunch and she was eager to go until I said "xxxx is coming too so it should be nice". "Oh well im not coming if she's going to be there" she announces, looking at me in disgust. She's never had any problem with my friend. I've never even had any bad words with my friend or had anything happen that could make my mum dislike her. Mum is normally quite vocal about people she dislikes and she's never said a word about this friend so im unsure what happened. My friend is the kind of person who gets on with everyone and our kids are really close.

I asked what the problem was and she said "oh im not coming out with you and your friends, I wasn't bothered about going anyway". I could understand if I was a teenager going to a nightclub but it was just going to be a nice meal!

Im hurt by her attitude and I dont see the problem. When my friend and I take our kids out, quite often her mum is with us, other friends and their various members of family with their own kids.

So now, nan wont be there for ds's birthday lunch because I can hardly tell my friend she cant go.

i agree with the angry rabbit!

Unfuckingbelievable.

I just asked her because it was on my mind, "are you coming to this meal?"

She said no, that she never really wanted to anyway, was only coming because she thought i'd be on my own.

I said ds would like her to come, she said no. I asked why, she said she just didn't fancy it.

So there's my answer

I called her later and tried to talk properly. She said that I didn't understand and that she "just couldn't come out of the house anymore". I said ds would really like her to be there. She said she couldnt, that she had nothing against my friend and it was a "relief" when I told her my friend was coming, so she wouldn't have to go. She cant go out, its not "her thing" apparently. (Too busy getting pissed I presume).

Thanks mum. I give up.

You're right, we'll have a great day regardless.

Does yuor Mum have any mental health issues? It sounds a bit like a social phobia (not that I am any expert, just known some people who have suffered).