to be pissed at dad because .....

[oopsadaisyangel]

he is giving me greif about not being able to find a sitter for DS for last day of the holidays!

Story is my mum has been looking after DS for 4 days a weeks during the school holidays for which I am eternally grateful! They are going to visit my other sister this weekend and told me that they can't have DS on Monday because they won't be coming back till then. This is no problem with me at all - I tried to find out if someone could look after him but no luck so have arranged to have a days unpaid leave (I don't have a problem with this at all - its just what needs to be done as DH works away so he can't have him). Anyway I've just had dad on the phone giving me grief saying that I should ask my best friend who had a baby last Friday to look after DS as she's off anyway to which I told him there was no way I was going to ask a new mum to look after my DS when she's still trying to find her feet - I told him I don't have a problem with taking the days leave and thats the end of it. He says that if i "just get my finger out and tried hard enough" I'd be able to find someone to have him and that I should stop making things difficult! I don't see how I'm making things difficult when I've never once complained or made an issue about the fact that I'm taking a day off. Found myself getting irrate with him and saying there really is no one else to have him and I'm not bothered so why is he making an issue out of it - he hung the phone up on me!!!

Sitting here fuming now!! As if I'm not stressed enough! 5 months pregnant (after a stillbirth 6 months ago), getting married in 2 weeks, DF has been sent to work in Bulgaria until two days before the wedding, and a million and one things to do before the big day!

AIBU to be annoyed that he's making an issue out of something that wasn't an issue to begin with?

It sounds like you have a whole load of stress going on and his comments only represent a fraction of it. Try to step back from him and address the other, substantial issues in your life.

Maybe he feels bad about not being able to have your ds and you having to take time off work. Perhaps if you could reassure him you WANT to take the time off ...

Sounds like you have too much on your plate. When is your DP back?

Is there anything you can do to cut down your workload?

Why do you need to be married with so much else going on? Could you consider postponing?

... and you'll also still be grieving the loss of your baby. These things take time. It sounds like you need to give yourself time.

My mum would do this. She would feel guilty about not being able to do it (obviously for no reason and unprovoked by me).

Pretend you've got a friend to do it and if DS ever mentions it to your parents say the friend let you down at the last minute. You really don't need the stress right now and one tidgy white lie will solve it.

Your dad is being very unreasonable but it sounds like a lot of misunderstanding ... maybe he thinks you're in a strop and as such have taken the day off to make a point. It doesn't sound like he was listening to you and putting the phone down is totally unacceptable. I'd wait till later and call back and calmly explain that you absolutely have no problem taking the day off and you are very grateful for all the support they have given you, but please don't talk to me like that again and definitely don't put the phone down.

So sorry to hear about your loss ... being pregnant after something like that is incredibly hard. Take it easy, delegate as much as possible (friends, in laws, etc), and enjoy your wedding x

The wedding has been planned for a long time - since before we feel pregnant with DS2, after we lost him we ploughed on with finalising arrangements and then a couple of months later found out I was pregnant again. We looked into postponing but we had paid the majority of the wedding by then and would end up costing us more to postpone than to carry on and to be prefectly honest I wanted something to distract me from panicking about this pregnancy . There hasn't really been any pressure or stress until the last couple of weeks. DP is back the Thursday before our Saturday wedding and had done as much as he could before he left.

I think what is stressing me is the fact that this was never something I was worried about - in fact DS goes back to school on Tuesday so having the last day of the holidays with him is something I'm looking forward to, so I don't see why its now being made into an issue. I think your right about my dad feeling guilty about not being able to look after DS.

Anyway waited 11 years to get to this marriage so not putting it off any longer

Feel a bit calmer now!

Glad you feel calmer.