just for fun..i shall ask..should my bf invite me if he has a bbq at his house for his friends

[zippitippitoes]

....he has just been to a festival weekend with friends and i hinted that i wanted to go but no was for his friends from work he went with last year

fair enough

excpet that when we were chatting about it aftyer he did say that some others had gone because they were friends of theirs

anyway as that was fun they decided to have a bbq which he is going to have

so wjhen we were discussing the next few weekends and seeing each other he mentioned said bbq in a well i wont be able to see you then way

so when were together this wekend i said

i think if you have a party or a bbq that you should invite me

he said well they are friends from work

and so i said well i am a friend of someone at your work arent i

and he said i guess so

and he said well maybe he might get drunk

If my partner/boyfriend had a party and I wasn't invited I would be very pissed off ad suspicious. He's either ashamed of you or himself or wants to invite someone that is more to him than just a friend.

"Boys night out is one thing, BBQ at his house? Oh no"

but why the distinction just because of the different venue/plan for the night?

i'm not saying the op's boyfriend is in the right because by the sounds of it he is keeping them apart long term rather than just to have a the odd night for himself.
but what is the problem with someone having a night to themselves with a group of friends that is theirs just because they would have a bbq in the house rather than go to a nightclub or the pub?
i've always preferred parties in a house to going out in town so if i was having a night away from my OH i'd find it infinitely more enjoyable to have a bbq/party in the house than traipse all over town.

Going to a party is very different than hosting one.

fair enough. interesting to see others have different opinions to myself.
i have hosted bbq's in the past that i would not have expected my gf to come to and their was no problems with it.
different strokes and all that i suppose.

Of course it could be that one of his mates is a total letch with a habit of hitting on his (ie your BF's) girlfriends and that's why he doesn't want you to spend much time with them.

Or maybe (and I am just idly speculating here not being deliberately insulting) - are you a bit of a one-pot screamer (ie you have two shandies and start telling people what you think of them/stripping off) Alternatively, are you very shy and likely to follow him around shivering and blinking and vomiting in shock if anyone else speaks to you?

Really the most likely explanation is that this particular crowd of mates will talk nothing but shop and in jokes all afternoon and he knows that it will bore a non-member of the gang to death but he will enjoy it, and that is fair enough. Couples don't have to be permanently welded together, after all.

interesting

i think it is a combination of he would rather i remained amysatery and he thinks in compasrtments and people might comment which he wouldnt like or i would be shy and he wouldnt enjoy it as much so its easier to keep it separate

i think it is awkward mixing friends together but overcomeable and i think he should start overcoming

If my bf did this I wouldn't be happy. Doesn't sound as if he's a very well rounded personality? Maybe he's a bit uptight. Doesn't matter if he thinks you'd be bored or not - he should still invite you. Very off not to.

Do you really like him? Maybe time to get back online?!

I agree, very off not to invite you.
It would start alarm bells ringing

it doesnt really start my alarm bells ringing

it is a fitting in thing

i can see being an odd couple makes these things harder

combined with being a particular group of friends

Why an odd couple Zippi?

because i am older than him by quite a stretch

How much older?
Are most of his friends the same age as him?

If it's bothering you enough to post about it on here, then it's probably something that needs addressing.

Not necessarily before the event, but maybe some boundaries need defining.

Fwiw, it would piss me off. But I am v. high maintenance (and a scream at parties obviously.).

well i cant decide really

its not that odd in the sense that we live a long way apart and expect each other to do plenty of different stuff

but if he is host i thought he should invite me and it would be a chance to meet them properl;y

and then we might get asked to other things at the same time

the gap is nearly 19 nyears well a bit over 19

I think you may be over-analysing here: he's probably thought about it no more than 'I want to have my workmates round for an afternoon of talking about workplace injokes and drinking beer, zippi wouldn't have much fun so I will see her another time.'

? odd, just ask him why? tell him you think it is not quite right to be excluded.

Is he not to have a life of his own ? You are not married or engaged, nor joined at the hip. Cut him some slack.

i think theres something 'off' with a relationship at the earlyish stage if you dont want to bang each other and be with each other constantly

if he wants to be single - let him

are you saying you fear he's ashamed of or embarrassed by you? Because that's no way to be in a relationship and you need to talk frankly to him about that. Apols if I've misinterpreted.

it depens what sort of a relationship this is. it's a long distance one, and maybe he wants to keep it that way?

has it got to thepoint now where you hve been enjoying it for what it is, but now wish it would somehow get more permanent, more 'real'.

my mum is 14 yrs older than her dh.

hes not embarrassed when we are out thats for sure

and we are together intensely when we are together

but we cant be together all weekends because we live a long way apart

it is postponed for the mo as in fact no one could come lol

im quite happy for him to do his own stuffi just thought your own party might include your gf

i cant decide really i can see both points of view but sooner orlater you would want to introduce someone properly to your friends

Zippi I would be more positive about it. Do you know any of these people ? No. So if you went he would have to "look after you" as in introduce you around, make sure you were enjoying yourself etc which is quite a tall order in addition to hosting. It sounds like this is a gang of people who all know each other well and so to be the "new person" would be hard work for your BF on top of looking after all the other guests.

If I were you I would say fine for this, but say you want to go along for the next work drink and meet everyone. If he is not keen on that, then I would start asking why.

Incidentally you say there is a 19 year age gap, how old is he? If he is, say, in early twenties then possibly as much as he loves you he might not want you meeting work mates. Sorry maybe that's a bit honest. Any older than early twenties and frankly it shouldn't be a problem.