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AIBU?

To ask exp for more money?

44 replies

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 19:59

Exp and me have an arrangement that he gives me £40 a week for ds and dd in maintenance which I do sometimes get, but not always.
Do you think it is ok to ask him to go halves with me on expensive purchases like double buggy and cot?
Im guessing he's going to say that he cant afford to, but I cant keep paying for the big items as I cant afford it either... I always manage to find the money from somewhere but it means there have to be other cuts which sometimes means we have to go without basic things.
I always shop around to find the cheepest option for our needs, so do you think it would it be ok to ask if he would help out with these purchases?

OP posts:

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noonki · 08/08/2008 21:18

charlotte - where are you based? I will ask about if you want for a cot/buggy and see if any is getting rid

Also clothes etc...

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 21:21

Didnt discover his past untill I was expecting ds... Thought our relationship was stable but it wasnt and he was an arse so were not together anymore. Fell pg again and found out when we were split up... got back together to try and make things worse but his gambling and horrible behaviour got too much so I left him... now im on my own in a council house. Not the life I envisiaged but anything is better than living that hell with him!

OP posts:

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 21:23

noonki, im in bristol. Have a buggy which has been great over the past few days but a cot would be good.

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noonki · 08/08/2008 21:23

I have seen a number of your post and think you sound like a fantastic mum

you're at uni aren't you? - have you gone down the access fund route?

noonki · 08/08/2008 21:24

I'm up north -

anyone in bristol got a cot???

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 21:27

Have just found that ikeas cheepest cot and matress is £50 so if I put £5 away a week I will be able to afford it soon.

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charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 21:28

Plus when I go bk to uni in september money wont be quite as tight. I havnt looked at the access to learning fund. I assumed that I wouldnt get anywhere with it being the summer hols. Im a bit silly the way i just assume things lol.

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noonki · 08/08/2008 21:32

you probably won't until next semester as in Salford (where I am) the cut off date was july

but we did it for the last few weeks and got £1300! and I almost hadn't bothered as I assumed we would be getting to much as my DH works (and I do but it all goes on childcare - paying back maternity leave)

it is well worth it

have you got someone who can help you out when the next one arrives?

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 08/08/2008 21:44

hmm have you applied for the sure start maternity grant yet? you have to before the 3 months for DD being born.

how about asking on freecycle - not idea but might be an idea?

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 21:44

Lol no more babies on the way... ds is 14 months old and dd is 8 weeks... I know im fat but i hope to god theres not another one on the way!

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SpandexIsMyEnemy · 08/08/2008 21:45

*ideal - for a matress I mean not the cot

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 21:51

Have the maternity grant... spent it on bills and the double buggy. Have a little bit of it left but that will go on bills.

OP posts:

noonki · 08/08/2008 21:57

can I start a thread to ask if anyone in your area has a cot? - or you do it!

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 22:10

Your very welcome to... have told my mum too so hopfull my hints will result in a cot.... who knows lol

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Ewe · 08/08/2008 22:14

Charlotte I have loads of baby girl clothes if you would like any, no more babies here!! Just drop me an email at lauren _ b25 @ hotmail.com. My DD is 19 weeks so still have lots of bits from the baby stage.

TinkerBellesMum · 08/08/2008 22:18

I'm not sure what figures he was using if he used the CSA website because that's how I worked it out! Unless he wasn't including his other children into it (you have to really read it to understand how it's done) and did it based on just two children - although that doesn't even sound like enough to make it £44 If he came up with those figures, take heart from the fact that he is, at least, diddling himself!

I hope you don't think I'm trying to defend him, I guess to a certain extent I am, I still think it's disgusting that you are expected to live on that amount. Have you been into your local job centre or neighbourhood office to ask about benefits?

twinsetandpearls · 08/08/2008 23:04

What age girls clothes? i may have some things.

Quattrocento · 08/08/2008 23:07

YANBU

But you are being a bit pathetic. Here's a man who has fathered you don't know how many children (nice) who owes you money and gives you inadequate maintenance. And you're still looking at him through rose-tinted glasses, blaming his gf for not working, saying "he's doing his best".

twinsetandpearls · 08/08/2008 23:19

The sad fact though is that the system allows him to give such a pittance. In my opinion there should be a decent realistic amount agreed on for how much it costs to raise a child and Half of this figure should be taken from the salary of the absent parent. If they dont work it should be taken from their benefit and if this does not leave them enough to live on tough.

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