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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get depressed every time I take dd to the local park

38 replies

zulubump · 06/08/2008 19:44

She is only 10 months so we just go now and again as she can only go on the swings really. It's quite a nice park down the road from where we live, so I expect she'll want to use it more as she gets older. But every time I go I get depressed!

If I go in term time during the day it is always completely deserted (where are all the other mums and pre-school kids?) and I put her on the swings, look at all the graffiti and then we go home again.

Or in school hols like to today there is always a group of teenage boys sitting on the big swings swearing and trying to throw the swings so they wrap around the bar at the top and no one can use them. All the adults around, me included, are too chicken to say anything!

I'm sure it was just the same when I was younger and these sort of things didn't bother me. But now I have my dd I just want the world to be a lovely friendly fluffy place for her. And it is most of the time, just not at the park.

OP posts:

Flightputsonahat · 08/08/2008 11:40

It's really sad but most of the swings round here are pretty crap too.

You find needles left there one week, so go to the other ones and then get approached by some nasty predatory bloke, then the next week there are schoolkids there - big, hefty schoolkids - mucking about. There was a group once mucking about on the roundabout and they were a nice-ish lot but just too silly and rough for the children, so I said I thought maybe they should let my kids have a go on it, and they said 'think it's time we were leaving' and wandered off - they were Ok, just didn't think iyswim.

Sounds worse in other places reading this thread - Meggle that's awful

solo · 08/08/2008 11:43

That is what this world is coming to. If anyone dares to stand up to these yobs, they get laughed at or attacked. Look at that poor lady that was thrown onto the railway tracks this week...that is quite close to my area. I occasionally find myself standing up to people and all the time I'm doing it, a voice in my head is saying ' for Gods sake shut up woman'.
My parents have lived in their house for 25 years. It used to be a lovely area and the neighbours were fab. Now though, people(adults as well as children)are disrespectful, use their garden as their own personal lounging area. Just the other day a kid that doesn't even live there walked across mums flower bed in front of us all. He smirked when he was challenged. It didn't help that there was an adult neighbour smoking and drinking beer whilst lounging on the hardstanding in front of the flower bed(mum and dads property). And no, he didn't move either. He didn't even look round or be embarrassed at his own cheek. In this instance, it makes me realise that more often than not, it's the parents fault that kids are like they are...what great examples the parents are. Or maybe I'm just too strict with mine...?
rant over.

Megglevache · 08/08/2008 11:45

Yes. Dh wants to get involved and I selfishly am too worried in case they threaten our family too. Isn't that an awful thing to say.

noonki · 08/08/2008 11:49

no Meggelevache, understandable, but in my head getting involved is about protecting my family

I like solo get involved my DH always says keep on walking...we always disagree...

my opinion is if it becomes the to walk away, when something bad happens to one of my kids no one will stick up for them.

Megglevache · 08/08/2008 11:55

Noonki I know what you are saying but I am talking about the aftermath.There's one thing helping when an incident is happening.

I myself have run to the defence of a girl (about 12/13)who was taking a battering late at night (I was picking up a friend from the station) and at least 12 girls set upon her and started to kick/attack her. I waded in (didn't think about it) and I was 8 months pregnant at the time. I got a good wallop too but luckily a few other guys came to our assistance. The girl being attacked then turned around and called us cunts for out trouble. Nice.

noonki · 08/08/2008 12:02

that is horrible

it's strange isn't it - that has happened to me as well, once a girl accused me of trying to pull her bf who I had shouted at for hitting her repeatedly

solo · 08/08/2008 12:05

I think most people walk away these days noonki and I honestly don't blame them mostly, but I, like you feel that no one will stick up for my Dc's. Point of fact, no one does stick up for my Ds. Last week 3 'big' boys chased him around the block on his bike. He came back crying his eyes out. I was angry that no one had intervened and no one had knocked on the door to tell me or his grandparents what was happening. He is only allowed to play out on the green in front of his grandparents house. I don't let him out at home and have only in the last few weeks allowed him to run to the shop or post box round the corner twice. He'll be 10 on Sunday. He thinks everyone is his friend unfortunately, gets completely taken in by their pretence to be his friend and then they turn on him. Ds is not a fighter. I feel responsible for that, but then I think to myself, do I really want him to be an aggressive child that may turn into an aggressive youth and adult? I'm at a loss as to what I can do. I dare say I'm not alone, but I do feel alone.

Megglevache · 08/08/2008 19:01

I agree with that Solo. Sometimes I wish I could teach ds to be more aggressive then I think, what for?

I admit I would definitely think twice before helping in the future knowing what I have heard recently.

solo · 08/08/2008 23:43

It's a sad state of affairs Megglevache. That though, is what turning the world into a politically correct place has done for us.

When I was a kid, I was bullied. When I listen to my Ds, I get tears in my eyes because it's like history repeating itself. The only way I can think of it ending is to toughen him up somehow, except that it's not in his nature, just as it wasn't in mine. My Dp says that he wants to teach our Dd to have a 'War Face'. I said I didn't think so...Now though, I'm not so sure...I just don't want my Dc's having a ' couldn't give a shit' attitude and I think they could get that by being taught to have a 'War Face'.

zazen · 08/08/2008 23:52

Usually the parks have bye-laws about unattended adults there - no adults without children, no children without adults thing?

Find the number of the local park keeper, or the council and ring them if there are 'youths' hanging around.

What I do to put the run on the 'youths' in my park is I go up to the biggest bloke I see and ask them why they are hanging out in the children's playground? That there are bye-laws to protect the children and also the adults present. And ask them bluntly if they're paedophiles, if they don't 'get' what you're saying.
Amazing how quickly they clear off if you ask them that.

I would ring the police if I saw anyone getting hit. I'd never go up to a violent person - you're no use to anyone dead, least of all your own little kids. No one needs a dead hero mum.

solo · 09/08/2008 00:25

What a great idea zazen - if you have the nerve.

zazen · 09/08/2008 01:18

I have the nerve, and have done it many times - and the biggest bloke is the one to ask, as the others know you mean business. whatever you do don't talk to their girlfriends, you'll be in a bitch fight before you can secure your LO into the swing

Ring the Parky also - they usually pop around in 10 mins or so. Take a few pictures with your phone.

fifflegumps · 09/08/2008 05:50

Nothing will put the teenagers off better than a group of giggling mums with babies. They'll be off like a flash. Good luck and get a group together, will change the future of the park for other tots. Of course, when your babe is a teenager, then you will probably be getting a skate park organised!!

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