Another MIL rant - my MIL's arttitude towards me needs to be curbed

[Gateau]

I was out of the country visiting my family last weekend and my DH told me on the phone that he had asked his mother to buy us a rug; she was at an auction.
She saw one, phoned my DH about it, described it - and he went for it, without seeing it.
I came home to see the rug - and it is HIDEOUS. The flea-ridden thing is huge and it clashes with everything in our room. And it looks filthy.
my MIL came round last night and I told her really nicely and most diplomatically that it was a really nice thought (she offered to buy it for us- not that dear) but it clashes with everything else. To which she replied in her bolshiest tone, and loudly:
"Well, I disagree with you." She said that twice and you should have seen her face. It was like thunder.
Then she was funny with me all night after that.
FFS. I KNOW I haven;t done anything wrong. I didn;t even ask her to buy the fecking thing!!!??
This is about the third time she has had an attitude with me recently (She is quite aggressive) and it really upsets me. I have bitten my lip so as not to upset the apple-cart but I don;t think I can do this any more. I have told my DH I don;t deserve to be spoken to like that and he says he will have a word with her.
Am just worried this is all going to blow up into world war three, but I do think something needs to be said or I will really lose my rag with her.

one size most certainly does not fit all when it comes to managing family relationships

TBH I think your anger should be directed at your DH. Your MIL honestly thought she was doing you a favour. He created this mess and he should deal with his own mum.

I think with family it's worth trying extra hard to make relationships smooth but not at any cost. I hope your dh has some success when he talks to his mother - good luck.

That's your way, Carmenere, but not mine.
It is not the fecking rug that's the issue here, anyway. It's her all-too-frequent bolshiness.

when she shouts at you, what is your reaction? what is dh's?

I know, I know Fox. But I still had to tell her - when she was round last night - what I thought of it.

Tell her it had fleas on it and you had to send it to be prfessionally cleaned. When she asks in a few weeks where it is, you can say (in an embarrassed way), ''oh the professionals couldn't clean it as it would have fallen to pieces. So sorry, it had to be thrown out''.

Or, even better. Get someone else to tell her the story and say you are too embarassed to say anything.

Or just spill a bottle of red wine all over it/ throw up on it, etc.

Nod, smile, ignore. This one of the best pieces of mil advice I have read on here
And whilst I do occasionally lie to ameliorate the old baggage I also have no qualms in standing up to her the odd time too. If mine said that our decision about dd's education was rubbish I would waste no time in informing her that it was too bad what her opinion was as, in this case, it was irrelevant.
If she is a bully, and it does sound like she is, you have to stand up to her, like any bully. but because it is your mil, you have to smile whilst you are doing it.

Just give as good as you get - if you bottle it up you will end up either taking it out on other people ie dh or stressing about it unnecessarily.

I'm just dumbfounded. I really want to say "don;t speak to me like that" but keep my lips ealed for fear of a family row. They can be clannish, you see. I really don;t want a family drama.
DH doesn't really notice until I point it out, but he has already told his Mum she is too highly strung and gets stressed a lot about little things. But I'm upset, so he's going to say something to her - diplomatically.

Thanks walnut, by the way, for your good luck post.
I agree with you.
I think Dh is going to say something along the lines of, "I would rather you didn;t speak to my wife like that..."