Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be upset by FIL's comment or have I mis understood it?

49 replies

waitinonasunnyday · 05/08/2008 11:30

We are at the IL's at the moment with our 2 children 5 and 7.
Obviously the children are excited as are on holiday and the IL's have quite a large house and garden so they are having great fun.

Anyhow mealtimes they have got a bit excitable and they have wanted to stay up longer at bedtime but the IL's feel they should be in bed at a certain time.

Also they have been eating quite a bit and MIL is very strict about eating bewtween meals and they are not allowed to help themselves to food in the cupboard .
So that has been a bit stressful as they are whining because they are hungry .

DH's 2 brothers and there children are due to visit after we have left and I always get the impression they are the golden grand children and model sons and daughter in laws.

I have been helping out in the garden and cooking etc .

They had visitors for dinner on sunday and the children and DH left the table and I went to fetch something, on my way back I heard MIL at the table saying how tired she was and how would she feel by the the end of the month after her other sons and grandchildren had visited.

FIL then said "well that's ok ,there's a different score of people coming"

In other words I took that to mean the other grandchildren are better behaved and the other sons and daughter in laws help out more.

Am I being totally over sensitive about this?

OP posts:

ecoworrier · 05/08/2008 12:51

Agree with the others. I wouldn't necessarily take what your father-in-law said too seriously, but I would take steps to make sure the children were well fed and watered.

Don't undermine any meals your mother-in-law is making, just make sure you have some snacks with you that will keep the children going without filling them up too much - you don't want them to start refusing the meals they are being offered, you will be criticised for filling them up with junk!

A supply of fruit, plain biscuits, breadsticks, dried fruit, nuts, scones or whatever should do. As long as they keep eating their main meals you should be fine, and if you get any comments just say they are growing children and are used to snacks.

I would be starving myself if I had to go from midday to 7 pm!

Upwind · 05/08/2008 12:58

I would probably start to behave badly if I had nothing to eat or drink from 12.30 - 7.30, that is far too long for your dc to have to wait.

Dropdeadfred · 05/08/2008 14:18

Flick - I would cook your FIL the hottest chilli ever and thn watch him add his stupid sauce!! How rude of him!

thefortbuilder · 05/08/2008 15:54

dropdeadfred - he is indian and apparently has no taste buds left from eating too hot curries all his life - so MIL tries to justify it - we were going out to a fancy restaurant the following night so i suggested she put a bottle of the sauce in her handbag for him to take - didn't go down too well

but then i'm not their favourite person anyway - apparently i have too much cheek

dollius · 05/08/2008 15:59

My MIL is weird about food too! She doesn't believe in eating more than one meal per day, and no-one else is allowed to either. We went for two days this Christmas and once Christmas lunch was done, she provided no more food at all for the following 48 hours! And huffed and puffed every time anyone wanted to eat something. Or drink a glass of wine (she doesn't approve of alcohol either). We always end up having to scrabble around to feed our children and ourselves too. DH and I frequently end up giving DC a pub lunch too when we stay there.

My MIL also likes to give me the impression that she favours her other DIL, but when I compared notes with SIL, it turned out MIL had been letting her think she preferred me. It is classic divide and conquer and your PILs may be doing the same and don't really favour the others at all. Luckily I get on well with BIL and SIL so we all just laugh it off. PILs and Ps, frankly, just like to think they are in control.

I wouldn't attach much importance to you FIL's comment even if he was being unkind. You know you have a happy little family and that's all that matters. You don't need his good opinion.

Twiglett · 05/08/2008 16:05

I would suggest you nip to the shops on the last day and buy them replacements for most of the stuff you ate ... shame the devil pleasantly

MsDemeanor · 05/08/2008 16:09

Gosh agree with all others. DON'T let your MIL starve your children or make them go thirsty. If they want a drink, get them one. Bring your own food - eg biscuits, a cake, fruit, bread rolls for the children. And hand them out yourself. Develop a rhino hide so any disapproving comments just bounce off. After all, she can't actually snatch a glass of water or banana or slice of cake out of your children's hands - I'd like to see her try that with me!
They sound a complete nightmare tbh.
The comment would't bother me - they aren't worth worrying about like that - but making kids go hungry/thirsty is totally unacceptable and you must put a stop to it right now.

stillstanding · 05/08/2008 16:12

I would be upset by that comment. Obviously it depends on how it was said etc etc but I would be seething. Try to be bigger than he is, I suppose.

BigBadMousey · 05/08/2008 16:27

What terrible hosts! I'd be fuming. Def agree you should just rise above it all and not go for so long next time. It will be their loss - not yours or your DCs.

hifi · 05/08/2008 16:39

whenever we visit ialways take dds supplies and a few of our own, cuts all thar hoo ha out.they wont have anything to wing about though if you do.

mistlethrush · 05/08/2008 16:40

Re the salt comment - I would have pointed out that I had made the food with a reasonable level of salt as I didn't want dc's to have too much - and if fil wants to kill himself at his time of life, that's up to him.

I would certainly not go with the no snacks and no drinks - particularly with a late evening meal - yes, snacks need to be monitored to ensure that they won't spoil appetites but apart from that...

And 'you can't eat those, they're grandpa's..' perhaps a comment like - you have to remember that 'grandpa is growing too' or words to that effect. Perhaps that might help - it will at least make you feel a bit better!

Do they ever come to visit you? If so, make sure that they have short rations the whole time... evil

stillstanding · 05/08/2008 16:42

rofl at "grandpa is growing too", mistlethrush!

colacubes · 05/08/2008 16:46

Grumpy old farts! Dont worry what they think, kids eat, run around and make mess, if the next lot are better behaved, eat less and make no noise, well how bloody boring.

A house full of kids with noise and laughter on a sunny day, is a blessed house. They should appreciate them while they are there, ignore em, honestly some folks like to moan, part of their daily routine!

elmoandella · 05/08/2008 16:56

i bet their other kids have secret stash of food somewhere to get them thru the visit.

thefortbuilder · 05/08/2008 17:03

my mum gets all snotty if we take extra stuff for ds1 when we go to visit "we can afford to feed you all you know!" bless her

tweeni · 05/08/2008 17:09

Have you bought any food yourself or given them any money for food? I always do this if going anywhere for more than a couple of days then they can't say anything.

elmoandella · 05/08/2008 17:10

if they're snotty about your cooking then offer to go out for a meal. you can accidentally book for an earlier time?

catweazle · 05/08/2008 17:54

I wonder if they "forget" how much children eat? My mum was always used to cooking for 4 when we were at home, and for 6 every holiday. Yet every time we've visited her in the last few years she produces a 500g bag of dry pasta and a small jar of sauce to feed 6 of us and her! Commonsense says that if it's 100g of pasta per person she needs at least 700g...

Ozziegirly · 06/08/2008 02:57

I am always starving at my parent's house - they are also of the variety of "breakfast, lunch (tiny sandwich and half an apple) and dinner" people - and that's it. No snacks. And the meals are pretty small.

But I like it as I always lose that stubborn 1/2 a stone when I visit them. And then replace it as soon as I am back in the normal world.

I wouldn't like it if I had children tho.

mistlethrush · 06/08/2008 15:35

My mother makes special snacks for ds when he goes to stay - low GI, high energy...!

Dropdeadfred · 06/08/2008 16:59

My parents do a massive shop before we visit and buy tons of snacks, trats and favourites of the dds and also of myself and DP - guess I must think myself lucky!! I assumed all parents were like this about their GCs

pokeydot · 06/08/2008 20:01

i would go mad if anyone tried to limit my children on what they were eating or drinking!!! i would make a massive point of going shopping while there and leaving a bag of food in the cupboard or fridge that my children could help themselves to at any point they were hungry!! i think your inlaws need a good kick up the bum with regards to looking after children yes it is there house but they are YOUR chiildren and you should never let anyone make you change how you bring up your children

scottishmum007 · 06/08/2008 20:08

YANBU to get upset about his comment. that's pathetic saying things like that. almost like it's a competition between all his daughter in laws and grandchildren.
inlaw are a pain in the arse sometimes. and i think you are brave staying in their home. i visit when i really really have to and that's enough for me!!

Walnutshell · 06/08/2008 20:10

they sound awful and I'm not terribly impressed with your dh's attitude if he brushes your feelings aside. for goodness sake, don't compromise yourself for the sake of the in-laws! what is it about this subject that turns people to butter

Flip

1 2