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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think mum could do better than to lie and say it's a wrong number when called to fix a playdate?

26 replies

nowirehangers · 05/08/2008 10:35

This is not earth shattering stuff, but am venting. My dd1 has a friend from nursery she's very fond of, who lives just yards from us, who she's always begging to play with
Owing to me working four days a week I'm a bit rubbish at organising playdates but finally sorted out one when we went for lunch at friend's house. It all seemed to go fine, wasn't the most thrilling afternoon of my life but made polite small talk with the mother whom I already know from various nursery events and have always got on - I thought - fine with
Anyway, left, said thanks let's do it again soon. A couple of weeks ago I left a message saying would you be up for a day trip during the holidays. No reply. I know they're not only holiday as have seen them in the distance round and about. But fine. But today, my nanny - desperate to organise something in the rain - called up. She said "Is that Mrs X?" The woman said "yes", When she said "It's dd's nanny" the woman said "Sorry, you've got the wrong number" [hmmm]
Obviously, her dd does not want to play with my dd, or else she doesn't like us as a family. Fine, it happens. But I think it's silly and rude to do that when it so obviously wasn't a wrong number. Why didn't she just say sorry, we're busy. Our dds will be at nursery together for another two years so we are going to carry on bumping in to each other for a long time and I don't know what to say next time we come face to face - "oh, did you get my message, our nanny tried to call you". Feel like doing that to embarrass her, but should probably just leave it.
Anyway, v petty in the scheme of things and more amused than but just wanted to let off steam

OP posts:
PheasantPlucker · 05/08/2008 10:43

How very odd..... Strange lady!

cornsilk · 05/08/2008 10:44

How rude.

newforold · 05/08/2008 10:44

Or on the other hand she could be a bit like me, crap with names and genuinely thought it was a wrong number....

VictorianSqualor · 05/08/2008 10:47

newforold she asked the lady's name first....

tiggerlovestobounce · 05/08/2008 10:49

Was she confused by the word nanny being used in a context she wasnt expecting?
Maybe she thought that the nanny was claiming to be the grandmother of the child named and got all confused about it?
TBH its something I could see myself doing

nowirehangers · 05/08/2008 10:50

Glad you think it's odd and rude
So what do I do next time I see her? A bit of me tempted to call her now and say ahem, just to embarrass her but am too chicken for that

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nowirehangers · 05/08/2008 10:51

tigger, good explanation but
no, where I live it's nannytastic, she knows we have a nanny (once suggested getting together with her) so it wouldn't be that

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LynetteScavo · 05/08/2008 10:51

I would send your nanny around to knock on the door (grin) - ( I know it's mean on the nanny)

She sounds like one very odd woman.

Bumdiddley · 05/08/2008 10:52

Well maybe she would dislike sitting around making small talk with your dd's nanny even less than she likes talking to you.

I think she made a snap decision but couldn't come up with anything more credible.

LynetteScavo · 05/08/2008 10:53

Maybe she didnt' want to spend the day with your nanny?

Sometimes nannys andnmummys dont' mix very well.

CaptFabioHiltsCatInTheCooler · 05/08/2008 10:54

How old are these children?
You/she could always drop and run.

tiggerlovestobounce · 05/08/2008 10:54

Oh OK, youre right, my explanation doesnt sound too plausible then.
Where I live nanny means granny. I dont know anyone who uses a nanny.

nowirehangers · 05/08/2008 10:56

Yes, obviously she doesn't want to spend time with either me or my nanny. Fair enough, though she did suggest it herself in the past
My point is - do I spend the next two years blanking her at the school gates since she's so clearly desperate to have nothing to do with us Don't know how to respond to such rude treatment. Meanwhile poor dd1 keeps asking when she'll see her friend

OP posts:
Bumdiddley · 05/08/2008 11:02

You said in your post her dd doesn't want to play with yours and you don't really get on with the mother.

Your dd will find other friends. Say hello politely at the gates. She knows that you know, you know?

PuppyMonkey · 05/08/2008 11:05

Maybe your nanny DID dial a wrong number... and got some random woman who didn't have a clue who she was? Just a thought...

BTW - I so agree with you about wire hangers

nowirehangers · 05/08/2008 11:09

Puppy have you seen "mommy dearest"?
That's where it comes from, though I too believe it whole heartedly
No, it wasn't a wrong number my nanny said "Is that Mrs X?" and she said "Yes"
before backtracking (dumb, because my nanny could have just called straight back and it could have gone on all day but she got the message and knew she wasn't wanted)

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PuppyMonkey · 05/08/2008 11:18

Oh yes, I remember that film now!

Re the silly woman, I'd leave it now. And if you bump into her, bring up the incident so she is v.embarrassed.

nowirehangers · 05/08/2008 11:21

nah, how would I bring it up? "So why did you pretend it was a wrong number when it wasn't etc?"
Think bumdiddley is right, will just be polite and cool so she knows I know
It's annoying though because it's a small nursery there are loads of social events and now I feel everyone hates me and dd1 - paranoid emoticon

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PuppyMonkey · 05/08/2008 11:26

Well, you could also bring it up in a way where you could be implying you think your nanny might have got it a bit wrong.. just to be more polite...

Eg: "Oh, I meant to say. My nanny mentioned she'd tried to call you, but was told she must have a wrong number. She gets things messed up sometimes though. Can you remember her trying to call.."

Oh I dunno...

Don't worry, some people are just odd. I'm sure you'll get chatting to some normal mums soon!!

TenaciousG · 05/08/2008 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nowirehangers · 05/08/2008 11:39

LOl Tenacious at a) being gauche and a misfit, I'm sure I'm both those things And I am finding my dd1's budding social life surprisingly emotional, all the politics of how she gets on with other children and how I get on with the mums is a big stress I did not expect to encounter at my advanced age!
and b) to your suggestion of what to say, that's a good one , though not sure I'd have the nerve. My nanny - who is a bit shaken - just showed me her phone and the last number redialled is definitely her number

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nowirehangers · 05/08/2008 11:39

sorry tenacious mean lol at implication I am gauche and misfit, not at you saying you are (sure you're not btw) x

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Sonnet · 05/08/2008 12:02

What a horrid thing to happen

I would be "polite & cool" at Nursery. Keep on telling your DD that she will see friend x at Nursery....

Make an effort to chat to other mums , maybe arrange playdates ( althouigh I know how this can dent your confidence) - if you do chat with the others you will feel better about yourslf

nametaken · 05/08/2008 12:09

To be honest I'd just come straight out and ask her something like

"oh, did you get a phone call from my nanny the other day - only she was worried she had dialed the wrong number"

and then see what she says. If she's rude again, fuck her. If she comes out with some excuse then I would try again, if only to keep the peace and save face. But I wouldn't try too hard.

TenaciousG · 05/08/2008 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.