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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a 5 year old to want to give to charity?

64 replies

charitybeginswhen · 01/08/2008 17:23

I have a bit of a dilema and wanted your views.

My daughter is due to have her 6th birthday soon and as she is the girl with everything I suggested to her that we would get her friends to donate to a charity (chosen by her) rather than buying her presents. She will get all the things she wants from my very large and generous family so on her last birthday the presents from her 50 friends all went to the school fair.

AIBU to ask this of a 5 year old or is she old enough to understand about being generous and appeciate that there are children less well off than her.

I must add that she is a lovely kind child not a spoilt brat and I know if I tell her thats what were going to do she will agree to it, but I am being fair to her?

OP posts:
ahwell · 01/08/2008 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nagapie · 01/08/2008 17:27

It is a bit much to expect a 6yo to be taught charity by foregoing the crap delights her friends wrap up for her...

Perhaps a tithe of her pocket money or a donation of toys she has finished playing with (as she will be receiving new ones for her birthday) would be a better idea??

claricebeansmum · 01/08/2008 17:27

I think this is an excellent idea and when she goes to friend's parties instead of giving Polly Pockets or a nice book she could give a goat or a toilet.

dittany · 01/08/2008 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lulumama · 01/08/2008 17:28

YABU

a five year old is still at an age where birthdays are about them and their needs/wants/desires

she should perhaps be encouraged to give a proporiton to charity but not everything.

poor girl to be expected to be so altrustic at such a young age

i am 33 and still like birthday presents

giving to charity should be done for the right reasons with understanding of what you are doing

claricebeansmum · 01/08/2008 17:28

Are we not thinking
T
R
O
L
L
?

Nagapie · 01/08/2008 17:29

Yip - as I posted

cornsilk · 01/08/2008 17:29

Serves you right for spoiling her. The girl with everything at 5 years old? I blame the parents.

PeaMcLean · 01/08/2008 17:30

YABU. She's 6. Birthdays are very very exciting. Get her to give some of her old stuff to charity shop instead.

However, I'd be tempted to say to your large and generous family that she really has more toys than she can deal with and that they can just give something small if they want.

alicet · 01/08/2008 17:30

I think Nagapie's suggestion of giving away toys is a better suggestion. Maybe you have a local women's refuge she could take them to? Or similar or even a charity shop. An easier concept for her to understand than the one you are proposing.

Plus I wouldn't feel comfortable taking nothing to a child's party and giving the money to charity instead. If you are going to ask this I would ask your family instead - if they buy her large and generous presents maybe they could get her something small instead and then give the rest of the money they would have spent to charity

dittany · 01/08/2008 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresthehamster · 01/08/2008 17:32

Tell her friends to bring a small pressie to the party and then have a lucky dip and all take one home each.

Original poster
charitybeginswhen · 01/08/2008 17:33

No we didn't often have big parties as we weren't very well off so it was usually just 2 friends for tea.

It was just a thought as last year I looked at the pile of £10 bits of plastic and thought that the £500 could do some other children in need a world of good. As I said she does get loads of presents from my family (50+ people)- we usually do 2 parties Saturday for friends and Sunday for family.

When is the correct age to start teaching kids about charity? I don't want her to grow up selfish and materialistic(sp?).

OP posts:
lulumama · 01/08/2008 17:35

you can start teaching her now, but these huge grand gestures are not necessary

Original poster
charitybeginswhen · 01/08/2008 17:36

I can assure you I'm not a Troll I have been on mumsnet for years, but namechanged for this post as its just something I'm thinking about.

OP posts:
claricebeansmum · 01/08/2008 17:37

Intrigued why you feel the need to change your name for something which you are arguing for being generous and good and wanting to teach your DC values....

Usually people change name when they have the clap.

roisin · 01/08/2008 17:45

My boys have always been keen to be involved in 'charity' from being tiny. We never had big parties, so it wasn't an issue. But they would have liked this idea.

I think it is tricky though how you put across this idea to your guests. Some people would find this idea odd or even objectionable.

Though they are actually more materialistic now (9 and 11), and would hate the idea of charity gifts instead of birthday presents!

falcon · 01/08/2008 17:51

YABU, completely bonkers in fact.

It is not reasonable to expect anyone to want to give up their gifts, on their special day.

It is also rude and unreasonable to ask your guests to donate money to a charity, it may even be a charity they disagree with yet they're expected to donate?

I'm very pro charity giving but this is not a good way to teach anyone, particuarly a child about thinking of others.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 01/08/2008 17:56

YABVU to expect a 5 year old to be happy with the idea of someone else receiving their birthday presents. You are expecting to much of her, and setting her up to disappoint you if you demand that she does this without complaint or sorrow.

dittany · 01/08/2008 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 01/08/2008 17:59

I don't think this is a good idea. It's her birthday, not yours. And she's only 5! Keep this up and she'll rebel and take against good causes in the end.

Donating toys she doesn't need any more to a charity shop, or floating the idea past your family are possibilities. But insisting that her friends give money to a charity is Not On. Not fair to your daughter and very rude to tell everyone what you want them to buy/do. Gifts are just that, a gift - you don't get to issue orders about them.

falcon · 01/08/2008 18:01

There are many more ways to support a charity than to donate money.

Why don't you both take part in a community clean up project or similar project?

catweazle · 01/08/2008 18:05

Our Sunday school used to make a request just before Xmas every year for "outgrown" toys. My mother was very enthusiastic about this but I used to dread it. I hated having to hand over toys, and used to hide them

I've never insisted my DCs share, or give away toys, and they have done so spontaneously (while I still have a problem with sharing)

Fimbo · 01/08/2008 18:07

Sorry with Clarice on this one - troll.

Where are they all coming from? This site should be renamed Trollsnet.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 01/08/2008 21:06

Like catweazle said about herself the children I know who are forced to share or pushed into situations similar to this are the worst ones at sharing the ones who are allowed to keep some things aside special for them and choose what they do want to share are the most generous ones.

I think YABU like the rest have said birthays are the one day a year that are all about her let her have that. I think it is sdmirable to encourage charity giving and I do it myself, dd is a very keen and vocal supporter of the RNLI after visiting the local life boat with nursery nd she is not 5 yet but she has picked a worth charity that as she has had 1st hand experience of it so it means something to her. By doing this with her birthday presents it means nothing to her apart from the fact that all the plastic tat that she probably loves getting and unwraping when she gets it has gone.

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