I have wanted to post about this for ages, but have not because I worry my SIL might be a poster! In the end I thought I would post this and then if she is a member, she can explain herself. Be warned, it is long, but I really need help!
I married into a family many years ago and it has always been a bit of a struggle for everyone to get along...well, for me anyway! Without giving away too much, my SIL is the perfect mother! In her eyes and my MIL eyes anyway. Everything I have done with my children has been compared to her...every little thing. "SIL's dd was potty trained at 18 months, walked at 9 months and was speaking in sentences at two" and various other complete lies are told to bring me down. For the most part I have not really cared because I know it is all just bs and is just a way to belittle me.
My ds was a late walker. I went to HV to have him checked over and she said he was perfectly normal and that he just had a cautious personality, which I already knew. She said he looked like he would be a duck walker at first, but it would straighten after a year or two. I told her that I was not worried, but that I felt like I needed and "explanation" to give dh's family. She said to ignore everything they say unless they are a HV, GP or have a degree in childhood development...which they don't!
Well of course the next time we were all together the subject came up and led to a huge row and I am still a bit upset by it almost a year later. He is walking now, but is not potty trained and is not a clear talker at 32 months. He is very clever, but in different ways...like drawing clear pictures of animlas and putting together jigsaw puzzles. He can also use a computer really well, knowing exactly how to navigate the internet...sadly, putting "ffkjruu78r47748fjn" gets no results...which frustrates him!
He is loving, energetic and perfect, just in no rush to do anything!
On to SIL. She has 3 children and the two youngest have a different father (her current partner). Her middle child (the oldest with partner IFSWIM) is quite smart and has been quick to talk, walk and be potty trained. The perfect child to anyone from the outside looking in (not perfect by any stretch though...at all!!). SIL loves doing comparisons, even though she says she doesn't and it makes me so angry!! During our last argument, she actually said "I am not trying to compare the kids, but look at how my ds does this"! Not someone who can define the word COMPARE obviously! I have kept her at a distance since our big blow-up last summer, but we are seeing her next week.
I can deal with her behaviour, but her oldest daughter should not have to. We were having dinner last summer and Granny (my MIL) had too much to drink and blurted out that she (her granddaughter and SIL oldest daughter) was "slow"!! I was completely shocked! What kind of a Granny says that?! She is still quite young and it seems so harsh, almost like she is considered slow because her younger sister is so smart. I went mental and said it was an awful thing to say! SIL confirmed that her dd's school have basically said she is slow and there was nothing they could do for her! A Primary school...said that? I don't think so!! It makes me so angry because she is not slow at all!!
If the school said that about my daughter I would be taking heads off! SIL insisted that they used the word slow and that her reading and writing were fine, but her maths were very weak. I said that they should give her a chance and not write her off at the age of ten as a no hoper. If anything, they should just give her a bit more help, not instill in everyone that she is slow. I am not at all convinced the school has told her that she is a hopeless case like SIL has said she is! The funny part of it all is that SIL is not the most intelligent person I have ever met. My dh is very intelligent and was an avid reader as a child just to learn more about anything he could. SIL left school at 16 to get married and got almost no GCSE qualifications. I am not trying to judge her, I am just trying to understand why she could be so harsh with her won child.
I know MIL and SIL love her, but I cannot fathom what would make them say these things and even repeat them to other people! MIL has since talked about it many times and I have just sat and said nothing, because arguing is futile!
This little girl doesn't ever see her father and as much as SIL says her current partner treats her as his own, it is not true! She is always made responsible for the younger siblings because her mummy (my SIL) cannot cope on her own. It makes me feel sick. I feel sick just typing this!
Are there any other mummies and grannies out there who would ever say their dc/gc was "slow"?! What an archaic word for some deeply ignorant people. It is no wonder that I cannot get along with them. What if they were saying similar things about my wee lad for not walking when they thought he should have? It breaks my heart!