To think that this is not a good way to greet a friend you have not seen for a year ?

[rookiemater]

Have just bumped into a couple I am mildly friendly with, nice people and good to see them again.

However about 2 sentences in, completely unrelated to anything else she said "It's much harder having two you know. You don't get any time to yourself at all. Much, much harder, hee hee hee"

Now is it just me or was that completely unnecessary and not what you would call polite chat. I am sure it is much harder to look after two. We have been ttc for the past year and at the back of my mind I do sometimes worry about my ability to cope should it happen. But these are not things I'm likely to discuss with all but the closest of friends, so why bring up the topic ?

I bumped into a girlfriend I haven't seen for a while who said 'ooooh lovely, you're expecting again, are you due soon?'

The answer is, nope not even expecting.

People are thoughtless.

Did she have 2 kids herself? perhaps she was just justifyinng herself for disapearing from the scene?

Yes Me, she does have 2 kids, but tbh she was fairly poor about keeping in touch even when she had one or indeed none.

Oh ignore me I know its a fairly tedious AIBU, but she is not the first one to give me the whole two is harder, no time to yourself routine. It just seems an odd topic of conversation given that with a DS of about 2 I'm likely to be either up the duff or trying hard to be.

maybe she is struggling ... she is right...

but I never mentioned to people about more kids etc as you don't know their circs

Well its kind of like telling a preg friend that childbirth hurts. Deep down they have probably guessed that its not a heck of a lot of fun so they don't need someone else to share information about it, unless it is of the constructive variety.

Well its kind of like telling a preg friend that childbirth hurts. Deep down they have probably guessed that its not a heck of a lot of fun so they don't need someone else to share information about it, unless it is of the constructive variety.

Sounds like she is struggling. Don't let it get to you.

How polite do you expect her to be? It's not exactly rude is it?

No I suppose its not rude, I thought it was just a bit odd.

Two's not really any harder anyway.

Not if you let the eldest pretend the new one is her pet anyway.

I don't get it, how is it odd?

It's just idle chit chat surely? She's talking about what's at the forefront of her mind.

It's like people commenting on the weather, no one needs to be told "ooo it's cold isn't it?", but everyone does it, it's just a way to start a conversation.

Me thinks you are taking it way too personally.

and why would having a DS of two mean you are automatically either up the duff or trying hard to be?

Oh just forget me, having a bad evening, shouldn't have posted.

Sometimes when someone is feeling very sensitive about a subject (understandably so) any casual/"thoughtless" comments can seem to be hurtful and wounding rather than the throwaway comment that it was possibly intended as. Would your friend be deliberately hurtful towards you?

In your case it's the ttc issue - when I had a 2 year old I was terrified of getting pg again as I had been so ill first time round. So I wouldn't assume anyone with a 2 year old was pg or ttc.

My sil has been ttc for years (has one dc already) and when I was pg second time round became immensely distressed. She and bil eventually said they were "pleased overall" for us. If she hears any comments (even positive) about single/only children, she takes massive offence and really ruminates about them. I am not saying she is unreasonable, but for her it is a very hurtful subject too.

Hope this is coming across ok, I mean it in a supportive way but sometimes posts don't come across as they are intended.

I'm with OMDB. Probably just filling a conversational gap, given you've not seen them for a while. Sort of jovial chit chat that's meant to mean nothing at all. nothing personal.

Though clearly it's hit a raw nerve, which is unfortunate.

You are both right, they hit a raw nerve. Sometimes I feel I am scarcely coping with looking after one DS and working 4 days a week, and I'm not sure how that situation would be with 2 which is kind of compounded by the fact that it isn't happening at the minute anyway.

I guess its just the glee with which it was said, like I'm evidently sitting at home eating bon bons every evening because I have just one child, when the reality is I'm struggling at the minute.

So yes I'm being a bit over sensitive.

Oh, that smug 'it's soooo much harder with two' really gets my goat. I don't mind a passing daft comment from a generally nice person, but someone who says that with a superior LOOK on their face deserves a very sharp response. If they bothered to use their brain cells, they would realise that people might want another but have real problems.

I think she was just trying to be friendly and make conversation and you're feeling a bit sensitive about the subject. It's not as though she said "I don't think you'd be able to cope with two." Now that would be rude.