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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that an "oh dear, sorry about that" is a piss poor apology from a dog owner......

278 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/07/2008 22:33

Whose sea-drenched dog bounded up to me and jumped up at me on the beach, and then bounded over to 3 yr old DS and jumped all over him and knocked him over?

Both of us were filthy (was a late afternoon stroll - no swimsuits etc) and although the owner asked if DS was okay (he wasnt hurt), when I replied that he wasnt hurt but he was now filthy dirty - he just said "oh, okay" and wandered off....

OP posts:
hester · 28/07/2008 23:29

Crypto - I don't want to get at you, I'm sure you're a responsible dog-owner, but I do need to call you on that 'she wouldn't bother with anyone who didn't make eye contact'. My dd probably WOULD make eye contact - she'd be rooted to the ground staring at your dog in fear. Some of her bad experiences have happened because she was behaving in a way that is completely normal for toddlers, and a passing dog has behaved in a way that is completely normal for dogs - like yanking her bread out of her hand when she was waving it around, or sinking its teeth into Tinky Winky's head and making off with it (lord, I thought she'd never recover from that one).

I'm not anti-dog and I don't think those animals were evil monsters who need putting down. But dogs and small children don't mix very well, and in my view that puts the onus on dog-owners to act ultra-responsibly because a two-year-old can't be expected to understand how dogs tick.

themoon66 · 28/07/2008 23:38

yes "oh dear, sorry about that" is a piss poor apology from a dog owner... but can we please come up with what would be an appropriate apology in that case?

I ask because I'm going to be strong and forthright and ask for such an appropriate apology next time this happens to me.

wigparty · 28/07/2008 23:42

What about "I'm really sorry" or "I'm so sorry about that".
Once the deed is done, I'm not really sure what a dog owner can do?
Do take VVV's point of view though that a (heartfelt) apology was needed.

Hannah81 · 28/07/2008 23:49

was this in the uk? i'm sure there is a law at the moment (at certain times of the year) when dogs aren't allowed on beaches?????

A rotweiler got into my mums garden last week and jumped at my son (age 3) - my mums partner had to pick him up and carry him to the house with this huge animal still jumping at him - i got my DS off my mums partner while he was trying to get the dog away - meanwhile the dog runs into the house - my DS2 (11wks) was on the floor in the living room - I almost had heart failure. My mums partner dragged the dog by his collar back to its house - the owner just replied "oh he's daft as a brush - wouldn't hurt a fly" I almost lost it! Neither do the dogs on tv that maul children - anything can make a dog turn - if my baby had been crying, it could have freaked the dog, or if DS was playing with a rattle he might have snatched the rattle and his hand!

Anyway, now my DS1 has a really bad fear of dogs - he's petrified - I am so annoyed at the owner, some people just don't think, especially in this hot weather - dogs are animals, they can't tell us if they are having a bad day and they can snap in an instance.

Going back to the dog on the beach law, i will look into that now and re-post if i find anything.

bluenosesaint · 28/07/2008 23:50

themoon - a sincere apology would be a decent apology. IMO.

Bowddee · 28/07/2008 23:51

So moon, here's an approximation of what I got from owner of 'Big Bad Dog'.
She had 2 dogs, she had one and she sent the 'Bad' one across the road with her son. She repeatedly said sorry, whilst holding the 'less bad' dog between her thighs (yes, they were big dogs)and her hand on his muzzle to stop him barking. She repeatedly apologised to DS on behalf of the dog (as in "He didn't mean to scare you, honestly, he didn't mean to"). She would not leave until she was sure DS wasn't injured, and she gave us (I was with MiL) her address.
Now THAT is what I consider to be a proper apology.

bluenosesaint · 28/07/2008 23:51

Preferrably followed by chastising the dog and putting it on a lead ...

wigparty · 28/07/2008 23:52

Exactly right Hannah. I think it runs between the end of June and September. It bans dogs from the majority of beaches, but allows dog owners small sections where they can exercise their dogs without fear of upsetting any other beach goers.

This is why I did ask if there was an option to go to a dog free part of the beach!

If the dogs were there when it was a no-dog area, that is very bad. I appreciate not everyone likes dogs and will always stick to the areas dogs are allowed to be in.

themoon66 · 29/07/2008 00:00

Bowddee - that sounds as though she was genuinely sorry and ashamed of herself for not controlling her dog fully.

Unfortunately most dog owners just laugh as they say 'sorry' or 'oops' and piss off

A lot of dog owners seem to have no idea how scared they make small children.

I never knew why I was so frightened of dogs, I just was. My mum told me later that when I was about 18 months old a rottweiler lunged at my face when I was in my pushchair. My mum suffered bites fending it off.

Hannah81 · 29/07/2008 00:03

yeah i just realised there were certain areas where you can take dogs here is a list of beaches where you can take your dogs. I only know about it because i saw it on tv a few weeks ago.

thats good when people stick to the rules of where dogs are / aren't allowed to be, but IME, not many people are as considerate.

Hannah81 · 29/07/2008 00:07

well, my DS is really scared now and I didn't even get an apology off the owner - the dog went into the house FGS! Yes, ok, he was just being playful, but the owners only have one child, in his late teens, so is probably used to being roughed about a bit, and not used to children / babies at all. I was so angry and shaking. All i could get out of the owner was "he's not like that"

Bowddee · 29/07/2008 00:07

Moon - she did look as if she was going to cry. I felt quite sorry for her actually. She was probably terrified that we were going to report it, have her dogs taken away etc. etc.. and she STILL gave us her address.
I wish all dog owners were like that.

Goodnight! x.

wigparty · 29/07/2008 00:08

Just read the link Hannah, Scooping the Poop goes without saying

Hannah81 · 29/07/2008 00:09

themoon66 - thats awful! what happened to the owner and dog?

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/07/2008 10:12

A sincere apology would have been more appreciated, and no strange justification of what has happened by saying "oh, he's a puppy" or "oh, he always does that, he doesnt mean any harm/he loves children". Personally, an apology about the the mess on our clothes wouldnt have gone amiss, and an an "is there anything I can do?" would have been nice - even if there was nothing that he could have practicably done.

TBH, I dont really care about the whys and wherefores of when and where dogs can be walked. Simply because it poses no problem if the dog is well behaved and takes instruction from its owner.

A dog that cannot be controlled - even if it is over exuberant excitement at strangers or children should not come off the lead until he can be controlled. End of.

OP posts:
maidamess · 29/07/2008 10:16

VVV I had a stand up row with a dog owner in Richmond park who allowed her huge Labrador to jump up and knock over my ds(7) (who is tall, so the dog did a good job!)

She said he 'shouldn't have screamed, as she knew how to behave around dogs when she was that age'

I should have lumped her.

Gateau · 29/07/2008 10:26

Dog owners annoy me; they all seem to be SO precious about their dogs. And this includes my PIL.
My DS loves them - as do I, and "cuddles" them, as well as lets them lick all over his face (yuck!) It's quite sweet really, but I do get VERY nervous and scared in cae the dog gets peeved and reacts..
Nearly always the dog owner will say, "Oh the dog won't touch him." How the FECK do they know how a dog's brain works? I don't want my DS to be the first victim to find out.
YANBU.

Gateau · 29/07/2008 10:31

And before anyone jumps dowm by throat, I don't literally mean ALL dog owners. I mean a lot of them.

Ripeberry · 29/07/2008 10:33

One day i do hope to get a dog once my children are at least 8yrs old, but that puppy or dog is going to have good training and i'm going to make sure it knows it is the lowest of the low in our familly even below the cats.
My parents never had dogs when i was young because my dad "hated" them.
Then all of a sudden he ended up with a puppy from next door who was going to drown them! , so he took pity on it.
But they never really trained him and now he can be quite snappy and his way of being "nice" is to growl at you! and he barks non-stop...does my head in.
Too many people treat their pet dogs the wrong way and then wonder why the dog thinks it's the boss of the household!

WelliesAndPyjamas · 29/07/2008 10:41

Not in response to you Gateau, but only to add to the thread... not all dog owners are the same. Like with everything else in life it is the bad experiences and people we remember and complain about the loudest. We all walk past 'normally' behaved dogs and their owners every day but barely notice them because we aren't forced to. So not all dog owners are the same.

FWIW when I had a dog I came across some very odd reactions from people (to a dog walking normally on a lead and barely glancing at them) but I just put it down to their own personal problems, didn't stress about it, and walked on (and I mean that genuinely not sarcastically btw ).

wigparty · 29/07/2008 10:47

Hi all,
I totally agree VVV a sincere apology was needed in your case as I said last night. I only mention the beach areas because you wouldn't even have to worry about this happening if you were in a no dog area (and there are far more of these than dog friendly beach areas!)

I have a dog who needs exercise and the 0.01% chance that he may jump up to say hello to someone would not be enough for me to keep him on a lead for ever after in an area he's permitted to be in. If I believed there was an 0.01% chance he'd be aggressive, that's a totally different matter and he would most definitely be on a lead.

If I was walking my dog in a park and there were children playing and my dog looked interested (he often likes to join in ball games), I would put him straight on the lead so he wouldn't join in.

There are a lot of us dog owners out there who are responsible and thoughtful, but we do need to let our dogs run in authorised areas

StarlightMcKenzie · 29/07/2008 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Spidermama · 29/07/2008 11:06

I think you should chill and realise that humans are not the only animals in the world. I would feel honoured. I love the way animals don't understand or adhere to our uptight human rules.

lucyellensmum · 29/07/2008 11:08

once my rottie went and sat smack bang in between two sunbathers on a beach. They were oiled up to high heaven - and rotties are notorious moulters - i was mortified!! Especially when he wouldn't come away, he just lay down between them and wouldn't budge. Thankfully they were fine about it and thought he was sweet (well he was ) which was just as well because he kept doing it .

I would have been pead off too tho VVVQV as it is not acceptable. I don't let my dog (sometimes dogs) off the lead on the beach when there are lots of people around because he is over friendly and will bounce up to anyone who keeps still long enough and whilst some people are quite happy to do this, others dont like dogs, have clean clothes on, have small children etc and dogs should be on a lead in those circs.

Saying that, Starlight, i would have told you to feck off too i'm afraid, that was very rude of you. But then im the sort of person who is disappointed when dogs don't come and see me.

Gateau · 29/07/2008 11:10

Agree with you, wellies; there are some lovely, calm dogs out there. But I don't think you can ever trust them entirely, yet some owners think you can.. We just can't get inside their brains and know what they are thinking and how they will react to a tail-pulling or a nip from a little one.
I LOVE dogs - and all animals, and want my DS to grow up loving them too. He's already showing great interest, which thrills me. I hope he's not one of these kids who's not interested in them or is scared of them. But he needs also to RESPECT how dangerous they can be.