to think that "but what if you get raped?"

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

shouldnt be a question that needs asking when you are discussing a potential job with your dh?

now i know that he is only concerned about me, though atm it feels like he is attacking me, but should we really have to live in a society where this is a consideration when looking for work? and where do you draw the line? should women never walk anywhere unattended? what if i went for a job at the pizza shopisnt that more dangerous? i would be walking home at midnight or late alone, albeit along a busy well lit road not a bridge in an industrial park

the job i am was looking at is quite a walk away unless you walk over a bridge which is quite enclosed but imo well lit and just as safe as walking to the shop late at night, dh needed to "what if you get raped walking over that bridge?" when discussing how i would get home from this job. AIBU to think that its really sad this should have be a consideration when looking for work?

NQC I don't know the stats but is that reported crime?

I expect it is reported, but I'd assume the reporting rate for stranger rape was pretty high? Maybe not with the pathetic conviction rates these days.

Still, random drunken groups of men do pick fights with lone other men, much more often than anyone gets raped, surely?

Yes but Lewisfan the reason we know about it, is because it is so rare that it is worth reporting.

Yes, so it's rare - but I'd consider it a factor in any job decision TBH.

sorry NQC are you likening getting punched by a drunk bloke to being raped?

yes but if i consider it in every job where do i work? i can only do evenings/nights as thats the only time dh would be here to look after the dcs so do i just not work just incase? every job i look at is going to involve me finishing late/early hours and if i was to get a taxi each shift is it worth working? plus i like walking do i not have a right to feel safe in the streets?

SheSells - do you have a bike? Is that an option for you?

Hmm. Is your DH normally a sensible, reasonable sort of bloke? COuld this be him being a bit passive-agressive ie he doesn't want you to have a job because he thinks your job is bing in the house servicing the family?

ok, ive been raped, twice, and jumped in the street in a sexual attck (attempted rape and threatened murder) once. all by the age of 18.
so it is a matter close to my heart, as you can imagine.
and i reckon that the 'low risk' attached to rape as a crime these days is appalling; 5% conviction rate of reported rapes and estimates that only 5% are reported in the first place. scary figures and i would like to do something about them.
howver, i also feel that we are being scared witless by spurious facts; 'stranger rape' where you get jumped by the bad guy when out walking really isnt v common. accounts for a v low percentage of rapes (dont know figure, sorry) and i disapprove of us, women as a whole, in our society, being made to feel afraid on our own streets because of overstated risks.

there was a fab article in scarlet magazine this week which id love to link to but cant find.... i wanted to discus it on here but forgot till now

Yes you do - no you shouldn't not work because of the risk. Just take precautions.

No dark alleys, no secluded areas, learn some sort of self defence even

It's also worth telling him that actually the most common cause of unnatural/non-accidental death in women under 44 is domestic violence, not street assault.

it is actually a gazillion times more likely that he will rape you than a starnger on the street.
not that thats much comfort when youve just been attacked, like. i didnt venture out after dark alone with out a cab in london (where i wasborn and raised, and attacked) for 6 years following my attack.

I didn't get on a train for 10 years after I was raped on a train.
I HATE that now.. bastard I love trains.

yeah, and i love freedom, and why should these lamo fuckwits deny us these things? hmm? i am SO in favour of dealing with it, getting over it and MOVING ON. he is simply not allowed to have any further power over me or my feelings.

yes i have a bike dh has a better one apparently but it is at mils so i have never seen it but since mine is years old and illuminous orange i might steal borrow his if i do go for the job cycling would be a great idea as it would mean that i would be on well lit main roads going through a busy industrial estate and past a major supermarket so would be very safe.

no dh is not trying to stop me working it was him who suggested the takeaways as we are very close to quite a few. that was my point what is more dangerous walking home along well lit roads at midnihght or later possibly on a saturday night and would be along the main route from the pubs or going over a secluded bridge and down a secluded alley at 7 am in the morning? and why does safety need to be an issue? i know why it needs to be an issue but it shouldnt have to be iyswim?

anyway bike is a great idea if i decide to go for the job i wll cycle there and back

"and i reckon that the 'low risk' attached to rape as a crime these days is appalling; 5% conviction rate of reported rapes and estimates that only 5% are reported in the first place. scary figures and i would like to do something about them."

sorry to hijack the thread slightly but i've always heard statistics like these etc. and while i don't deny (as i don't have nearly enugh education on the matter) them i have always wondered two things.

1. how are unreported rape (or all crimes for that matter) gathered if they are not reported and put through the legal system, thus technically not legal rape.

2.what could possibly done to improve conviction rates seeing as the onus of proof is on the plaintiff in common law. you often end up with one persons word against another with very little physical evidence of forced sex.

once again i'm not denying or trying to inflame anything, i'm honestly interested in peoples thought on how convictions can be increased without infringing on the rights of the accussed.

Hearnoevil: I would say that one reason why there are so few actual convictions is because so many rapes are 'aquaintence' rapes and so very hard to prove one word against the other. Stranger rape, if you have a DNA match, a description or a witness are easier to prove in court as there's not so much ambiguity surrounding the circumstances. Stranger rapes are rare, aquaintence rapes, or date rapes happen all the time unfortunately and unfortunately for a lot of women if there's some ambiguity about consent then often the verdict will be not guilty, that is if the woman decides to go ahead with the trial!

Hearnoevil, I would agree that it's difficult to assess how many rapes are 'unreported', but a conviction rate of 5% of reported rapes is pretty appalling. Not only is a rape case almost always a matter of one person's word against the other's, but rapists' legal defence usually takes the form of portraying the woman as either a slag, a moron or a liar: many rape victims who report their rapes then can't face being abused in a courtroom with low odds of getting justice, and a horrifying number of people think it's not 'rape' if the woman was wearing a short skirt, or had been drinking, or had ever had sex outside of marriage, so juries won't convict.

!unfortunately for a lot of women if there's some ambiguity about consent then often the verdict will be not guilty, that is if the woman decides to go ahead with the trial! "

and unfortunately this is the right decision legally in this common law jurisdiction as the legal certainty has to be beyond reasonable doubt for criminal convictions. i'm not saying this is right or fair on victims who see their attackers walk free, it's just that whenever this subject comes up i hear people blame the justice system as being archaic and mysoginistic as the reason for low conviction rates. and i just wonder what could be changed to "improve" conviction rates without affecting the rights of the defendant.
and i don't say this to sympathise with rapists etc. but the rights of the accused are paramount for 2 reasons. a) the presumption of innocence and b) getting any conviction to stick on appeal.if there is anything within the system which a defendant can argue prejudiced his case, chances are he will get the conviction quashed by either a higher appeal courth or a european court.

"but rapists' legal defence usually takes the form of portraying the woman as either a slag"
this is also a terrible practice but onceagain one that i fail to see a legal way of stopping as they will say they have a right to examine the character of their accuser.

i apologise in advance to anyone who has been a victim of a sexual assault or knows anyone who has and is upset by my questioning. luckily no one i know has so acknowledge that my approach might seem cold and methodical, but unfortunately i feel that approach is the best one when looking for legal change that would improve the legal system.