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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have hidden the window keys from DH

32 replies

2point4kids · 25/07/2008 20:16

He is very cross. I think I am right though.

DS1 is 2.10 and a bit of a climber/escape artist.
We have to keep shut and locked all windows on top 2 floors of the house to ensure he is safe.

We open our bedroom window at night when its hot, fair enough. But DH kept opening it when he got in from work and was getting changed. Then he started opening it in the mornings at the weekend when he was getting ready etc.
More often than not he was forgetting t shut and lock it again.

Last time he opened it one morning then forgot to close it. I went upstairs with both children and went into babies room to put him in bed. Went back into our room and DS1 was on windowsill. Window was open.

Since then I have insisted window is open ONLY when we are both in bed and no other times.
I have hidden the key and wont tell DH where it is.

He just got in from work and is fuming because he said he wanted the key to open the window while he gets changed. I said no as he will leave it open!
He wants to leave it open from now until when we go to bed to cool the room down.
DS1 sometimes gets back out of bed in the evenings (he is going through a phase) so I said no to opening the window.
I have said we will put fan on in there when we go up so it will cool room instantly later and then open window when we go to bed (and close first thing in morning).

He says I am treating him like a child. But if he cant be trusted to act responsibly (and our childs life is at stake here) then thats the way it has to be. He is pretty responsible in most other areas, but just cant seem to realise how important this is enough to buck up his ideas.

AIBU?

OP posts:
melpomene · 25/07/2008 20:37

YANBU in this instance but hiding the key isn't a very good long term solution. You can buy window locks that will allow you to open a window, but only by a few inches so a child can't fall out. Could you fit one of those?

theexmrsfederer · 25/07/2008 20:37

errr, could you try closing the bedroom door ?

whatdayisit · 25/07/2008 20:38

Sorry, but I'm with your DH. It's ridiculous to keep 2 floors of your house shut up all the time, it must be stifling. If your DS can't be trusted not to climb out of your bedroom window, he shouldn't be in your room unsupervised, there must be lots of things in there you wouldn't want him to play with. At 2.10 he's surely old enough to have some idea of what he is/isn't allowed to do, even if he has no sense of danger.

A fan in a close room doesn't really cool it imo, just moves the hot air around. Worst case is you create a fan oven, people have been known to cook themselves to death like that (in very extreme temperatures)

If all else fails, open the windows, but lock the door - a hook and eye type closure, or small bolt high up, on the outside of the door should do it.

3littlefrogs · 25/07/2008 20:40

The thing is - if he leaves the window open, he is likely to leave the door open too. Tis all part of the same behaviour.

thisisyesterday · 25/07/2008 20:41

we have a similar problem, made worse by the fact that our windows are very low down.

we're looking into getting mesh guards that cover the windows we want kept open, because ds's room is stifling at night

theexmrsfederer · 25/07/2008 20:41

he needs a slap then

3littlefrogs · 25/07/2008 20:42

Could you do some sort of arrangement with extra stairgates? Perhaps your dh would remember to close a stairgate as it is more obviously a child safety piece of equipment?

SlartyBartFast · 25/07/2008 20:46

we have window catches, which are very good. could you get dh to install those pronto?

on the other hand dc's need to learn, but obviously not the hard way.

wannaBe · 25/07/2008 20:46

I think yabu.

You can't expect to leave the top two floors shut up - for one it really isn't healthy to have no fresh air coming into the house.

If your ds is getting out of bed and climbing out of windows in the middle of the night then get a safety gate and put it on his room.

And start being really hard on him about climbing up on things (at three he is old enough to be reasoned with/respond to punishments).

I know of an mn'er who does have to keep windows locked because her severely disabled child has a tendency for trying to climb out of them (house has several stories iirc) but that is different IMO as the child cannot be reasoned with and even the best parent in the world cannot supervise 24-7.

But a child who has no particular sn needs to learn.

and your dh is right - you are treating him like a child.

Sidge · 25/07/2008 20:49

You need to get some window limiters like these.

It is ridiculous to have all the windows locked in the summer, and hiding the keys is not safe. What if there is a fire and you can't get to them? You also need to shut bedroom doors to stop your son getting in there to climb in the first place.

Sorry I'm with your DH on this one.

Original poster
2point4kids · 25/07/2008 20:49

DS can open doors and climb over stairgates too.

I trust DS to play on his own in any room. Yes there are things that I may not want him to play with and in these instances I am happy to teach him what he is and isnt allowed to do and rely on that sticking.
I am not prepared to risk that strategy when it is something that could be fatal (ie him falling 2 floors out of the window).

I have told DH that he can have the key back if he organises getting something from the DIY shop that will allow the window to only open a certain amount. He hasnt got around to it.

We keep the small bathroom and hall windows open all the time plus the kitchen window (very high up) and the window open in the room that we are currently in, so we arent cooped up in stifling heat.
The only windows I NEVER open are in both childrens bedrooms.

OP posts:
margoandjerry · 25/07/2008 20:50

YANBU. And surely your son can open a door so how would closing a door help?

All I can suggest is that you get window locks, as suggested.

I have a similar problem - can't leave DD's window open at night as it's very large and low and she wouldn't be safe (either from crawling out or from someone coming in).

Fans do help a lot for sleeping I find though they don't cool the room. When sleeping though they really do give enough breeze that you feel cooled.

3littlefrogs · 25/07/2008 20:51

Dog gates are taller than conventional stairgates.

SlartyBartFast · 25/07/2008 20:51

order those window restrictors now agree in a fire it is not safe to have windows locked and keys hidden.

wannaBe · 25/07/2008 20:54

what would happen if there was a fire?

You wouldn't be able to get out of the windows and you would all die. Sorry but that's the harsh reality.

Get two stair gates and put them one on top of the other to prevent your ds getting out of his bedroom.

If I was your dh I'd have the locks changed while you were out, sorry.

unfitmother · 25/07/2008 20:55

YABU
Just get restrictors fitted, I can't believe neither of you have done that.

wannaBe · 25/07/2008 20:57

and why should it be down to your dh to fit the restrictors? if you want your son to be safe then why haven't you got them? Instead you're behaving like a child and taking away the keys until you get your own way.

thisisyesterday · 25/07/2008 21:04

we're thinking about getting something like these

fwiw, I don't think you're entirely unreasonable. (might be the only one though!)
I have previously caught my 3 year old standing on a stool, on a rocking chair by the open window trying to close it again (he had also opened it)
how he didn't fall out I will never know, but his window is kept locked unless he isn't in it.

yes, at 3 he is old enough to be taught safety, but that's no guarantee that he won't try it again. sometimes temptation is just too much for an adventurous pre-schooler and IMO it isn't worth the risk..

if the OP's husband is the one who wants the windows open then it's up to him to sort out the safety aspect of it too

Original poster
2point4kids · 25/07/2008 21:09

You're right. I am being childish.
I just get fed up with taking responsibility for everything sometimes.
DH is great, but is a forgetful git most of the time and wouldnt remember to eat if I didnt get all the food in.

To be honest the heat doesnt bother me. I am quite happy with the window shut and still sleep under the duvet at night!
I guess I am trying to make a point. If he feels so strongly about this one thing then he should do something about it.

I've sent him the link to those window restrictors to his laptop.

Regarding the fire risk. We could get out the high up open windows if we needed to in an emergency. Plus I know where the key is (and its pretty close to the window)
I am sure that 2 stairgates are just as much a hazard in the event of needing to get DS out in a fire as having to get a key out of a drawer before opening the window.

OP posts:
Original poster
2point4kids · 25/07/2008 21:12

Dont tell DH that its in the drawer

OP posts:
justkeepswimming · 25/07/2008 21:27

personally YANBU.

we carefully put all our window keys 'somewhere safe' before we had dcs, so burglars didn't get them .
now we have ds1 (2.2) who is a houdini (as well as ds2 6mo who isn't ...yet) and we want to lock some of the windows in his reach but we can't
anyone know how to get more/new keys???

so far ds1 can't open the windows but i feel it's only a matter of time...

only suggestion is you say to dh tonight why you have done this, give him a key this time and if he ever forgets again, you will hide them again. and you be paranoid about checking them until he inevitably forgets again shows he has learnt his lesson .

Original poster
2point4kids · 25/07/2008 21:32

justkeepswimming - do you live on an estate or somewhere where the houses are similar?

When we first moved here (an estate) we didnt have window keys and our neighbours window key fitted our windows!

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 25/07/2008 21:37

The only window locks i can find are in B&Q and they say they are unsuitable for UPV frames, so that's no good!
Does anyone know where i can get some that do?

PazzaPlusTwo · 25/07/2008 21:43

YANBU

A 3-year old child fell out of a 4th floor window in our block a few weeks ago.

You CANNOT compromise on your child's safety. Trust your instinct on this one OP.

donovan · 25/07/2008 22:02

Cant you buy window restrictors. Thats what we have. I'll try and find you a link.

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