To briefly leave my children unattended?

[littleducks]

I live in a massionette block to get to my front door you need to climb four flights of stairs. Directly below my front door and kitchen window is a small childrens playpark with a fence and gate. At times i have trouble getting my children 2 and 4 months up the stairs with my shopping. I have a double buggy which i cannot negotiate the stairs and balcony with. I generally take the kids out fold buggy put it in my small shed at the bottom of the stairs and leave any non perishable stuff in the shed until someone else is home or kids asleep etc.

Today my eldest was feeling a bit peaky after a jab yesterday, i went to the supermarket to get milk, eggs and dishwasher salt etc she fell asleep in the buggy. So i left the buggy parked with both kids in the playpark while i carried the shopping upstairs so not to disturb her with the intention of the sitting in the park after the milk was in the fridge till she woke.

I went upstairs, two community police officers on bikes stopped thinking my children had been abandoned. I called to them that they were my children and the caretaker who i had told i was leaving kids in park to run shopping upstairs then not hearing me explained.

The cpos then proceeded to tell me when i returned that i should be more careful as someone could come and run off with my children. I said i was surprised to hear that from the police as i was trying to avoid bringing my children up ?in a climate of fear? I explained i could see them at all times and had to carry shopping there is no lift etc. That dd was asleep and i didn?t want to wake her as then she would cry and not let me go back downstairs to collect shopping if i left the shopping at the bottom of the stairs. I also pointed out i had informed the caretaker who was clearing rubbish not far away. They did finally agree that as i could see them it wasn?t an unreasonable thing to do but told me to be more careful.

They were nice and polite enough but did leave me feeling judged, even though in hindsight i don?t think is was irresponsible to do. Am i completly wrong on this????

oh blimey, yanbu at all. I leave mine outside the local shop while i get milk and bread. I told DS to screamif anyone tries to steal him. There isn't space in the shop for bike and pushchair. I think what you did was positivly SAFE!!

Don't be bonkers, Ramble on. Sorry - but if you live your life assuming there is a paeodphile round every corner you will drive yourself mad with worry and make your children fearful. Of course children are safe left for a few minutes in a playpark with a caretaker on hand. To say anything else is pandering to the climate of fear we seem determined to generate around our children.

I heard a woman telling her 9 year old (I know he was 9 because he said "Mum - I am 9, you know!") that it was too dangerous for him to go into the gents loo at our very family oriented beach today - she made him go, cringing with embarrasment, inot the ladies! What ARE we doing to our children and our society!?

sorry Littleducks I can see how difficult it was but I would not have left them. This isn't being over cautious - anything literally could have happened (say 2 year old got out of buggy and ran into road God forbid!) and you would never have forgiven yourself. I have a 2 year old and 11 month old and it is a logistical nightmare sometimes but at this age I dont let them out of my sight.

Sorry, but don't think I'm bonkers

As I've explained, I don't think there's a paeodophile round every corner, I think the risk is miniscule.

Taking a risk though, means thinking about both the likelihood of something untoward happening, and the consequences of it happening.

The potential consequences of taking this risk are too great in my opinion.

The woman I mentioned on the beach today who wouldn't let her 9 year old go to the men's loo then let him go out on the sea on a windy day in an inflateable boat. Balance of risks, eh?

seeker - we're not talking about the woman on the beach today though are we? I agree with you that she was being unreasonable on both the gents loos and the inflatable boat issues.

In the OP, the CPOs had time to come across two children, and think they were abandoned. The caretaker can't have been watching them very closely can he?

I have to say I am with ramble on...yes the risks is miniscule but I couldnt live with the guilt if something did happen.

YANBU you did the best you could in the circumstances and it is your choice to make but personally its not a risk I would be prepared to take.

Could you get a good rucksack for the shopping - that way you can take it up but your hands are free? It may be hard work to start with but once you have done it a few times it would get easier.

Also could you not get the shopping delivered? If you look about on the internet you can usually find a free delivery or money off code...they dont always work but I have had a few "free" deliveries courtesy of them.

try here

Am considering all views here.....though it does seem to be varied!

To answer some points:

I am happy cpos stopped, shows they are doing their job. But am concerned that they feel that there are child snatchers around every corner.

It is housing assosciation accomodation, i will be eligible to move when the combined age of the children is eight, ie when they will be walking stairs no problem. I didnt write the rules though!

Ramble- the playpark is overlooked by ten 'houses' within the massionette block, so yes they could see my children. But tbh i dont see the concern, they are all occupied by parents of children who play in the park, at any time people can watch children in the park some with parents some (older) alone.

There is no road. The play park is on a green which backs onto a large open space.

Could you knock on one of these parents doors and ask them to watch your DCs for you for a few minutes?

Rucksacks & internet deliveries are great for us flat-dwellers.

It's never occurred to me to leave DS unattended while carrying shopping up, but that's probably because I've seen crimes committed from my windows in the car park I'd be leaving him! Sounds quite different to your situation. Think the CPOs were reasonable to stop and talk to you. The judging is annoying though. And the 'can't you move' thing has annoyed me a bit - it's a sore point, I get people saying 'but wouldn't it be nicer to move somewhere bigger now you've got DS?' Yes it would. And if I win the Euromillions on Friday, we will move into a huge flippin mansion. Right now, we live in the best accommodation we can afford, and do everything we can to take care of DS. Sore point, very sore point.

Could you really see them the whole time? even when putting milk in the fridge? If so, then okay and if not, then no, sorry. I would not have done it. If you specifically asked the caretaker to watch them then that would be fine though.

last week I lost my 3 and 4 year olds for about 3 minutes when they doubled back on themselves and I swear I was in shock for hours afterwards so I am always going to err on the side of caution. I am not in anyway judging you, you asked a question and I answered it.

The other day someone at school lost her DD from the payground for at least 10 minutes and it is an awful feeling.

I was on holiday one year and someone lost their child from the club - I felt sick with worry and I didnt even KNOW the child...so not a chance I am willing to take with mine

I think its easy to criticise the CPOs but at least they cared I think too often anyone who gives a damn these days is tagged nosy or a busy body.

I don't think anyone on this thread has been judging becstar. Those people who've said they wouldn't do it have simply said that THEY wouldn't be comfortable doing it.

Despite posting on AIBU which is really inviting judgement, surely.

This will sound really odd but when people are at home here in the summer as the block gets quite warm the front door of every house is open, for example my front door is open and so is every other occupied house on my level, if the front door is shut i assume that people are either busy (in bath etc) or out. So i wouldnt start knocking doors

I have tried internet delivery but kept getting stuff missing so had to go out anyway to get the one missing item.

Judging - I was referring to the OP's comment "they were nice and polite enough but did leave me feeling judged" re: the CPOs. Not the posters on the thread.

Sorry becstar, misunderstood.

littleducks - could you knock on open doors?

It sounds like you were coping best you could in the situation. It did occur to me, though, that the police might be aware of someone on the estate who they have concerns about re children. This might not even be someone on the sex offenders register but someone who has come to their attention and they are keeping an eye on although you wouldn't necessarily be aware of it. I don't suppose it was very nice having them speak to you about the way you are looking after your children but it did seem to me that they were concerned for you.

The PCSO's were just doing their job making sure you're aware of the risks, don't let it bother you.

If something had happened to your children (which is a tiny risk, but still there) then they would have felt terrible for not saying anything, plus could've gotten into trouble at work.

Parenting is very largely about balancing risks and deciding which you feel is fine and what is most important at the time.

I would probably have done the same.

The doors were all shut. That was the point i was trying to make! Sorry was that not clear, oops

No worries RambleOn

zoo123- now that is something i had not considered

Oh I see

This dilemma gets trickier and trickier. It's a logistical nightmare. But I still think I'd struggle up with the DCs and leave the shopping.

Amazing how HA's vary! I called up recently to ask for a move and the only list open was the maisonettes on my site but because I have a toddler they wouldn't let me because it's too difficult to live there with children under 10. Sounds like your HA is completely the opposite. I'll see if I can find anything out about your rights (it's what I do around here so I don't mind adding someone into the list) cause there's got to be something you can quote at them or something. Problem with trying to move, if it's anything like around here, houses are rather rare and it could be out of the frying pan.

It sounds like you know your estate really well and I think that's the problem with this thread, we can only judge based on our own estate. On my estate the kids all play together over all the roads and as it's a warren of cul-de-sacs, you even see them playing in the roads. I would feel quite safe letting her play out around here when she's old enough and would probably do something similar to you.

I honestly don't know how to negotiate simple things with 2 kids!

Went to post office today and couldn't figure out how to get DS (5 months, in car seat), DD (aged 2) and BIG box.

Leaving them in the car would have been the safest option as they would have both been in car seats, restrained. But you can't leave kids in the car?

We put in paperwork to ask to move but were informed that we were in a home deemed suitable for our family size and composition. When we moved i had one dc of 9 months.

I did actually argue the issue aas housing association stated you got points for not having a garden with children, so we do are noted as having a requirement for a garden but this is the bottom of all priorities and you would not get moved on this alone!